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‌CHAPTER 12

12 February 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Shanti means peace and garbha means womb – peace womb. This name is a seed-meditation for you. Think of yourself as a womb which is going to give birth to peace. Imagine, visualise yourself as being a womb, and that the peace child is growing within you. Whenever you are sitting, not doing anything, just visualise it – just sit silently... become a womb.

Imagination is going to be your way. Imagination can create many doors, can open many doors... can create a totally new reality. But it works only for a few people, because only a few people are imaginative. So walking, sitting – whenever you remember it or whenever somebody calls you ‘shanti garbha’ – just for a moment think of yourself as a womb, full of peace... the peace oozing out of you. By and by you will start feeling an atmosphere around you of great peace, coolness... but this will come only through imagination, not through will. And the difference has to be understood.…

The difference is vast, but ordinarily people are very much confused about will and imagination. I’m not saying to will that you are a womb, because will becomes effort and will becomes an imposition. Imagination is very persuasive... it is a very subtle seduction.

For example, if somebody wants to change a habit, he can either use will or he can use imagination. Somebody is addicted to smoking and wants to change it or drop it. One way is to fight with it – that is the way of the will. When the desire arises, repress it, stand against it, become stubborn, don’t yield. Even if you feel a sort of suffering – suffer; become a martyr but don’t yield. That is the way of the warrior, the way of the will, the way of the fighter – the male-oriented way.

If somebody wants to drop the habit of smoking, it can be dropped through imagination more easily. You simply imagine that you are not smoking. Even when you are smoking, imagine that it is meaningless. Go on smoking – there is no need to fight with it – just go on imagining that it is futile.

Create a great imaginative force within you, and soon you will see,-the moment your imagination force has become greater than the habit, it simply disappears – there is no fight.

And there is a subtle law, hypnotists call it the law of the reverse effect: when you will something, it happens more or less that just the contrary is the result; whatsoever you wanted, just the opposite happens.

For example, in the night you cannot sleep. You can force it, you try to bring it, and the result is going to be that you will not be able to sleep at all. The imaginative way is just to simply rest in the bed. Imagine that you are falling asleep – not that you are forcing... just falling asleep. And if you continue imagining, soon you will see that a moment comes when suddenly the imagination has become a reality.

I feel that you are not agreeing with me.

[The new sannyasin says: I was just thinking that sometimes my imagination takes me the wrong way... if there is a wrong way.]

Imagination can take the wrong way too. I’m not saying that imagination is necessarily right. It can be used for the right – it can be used for the wrong. It is a great force, and forces are neutral. You can imagine that you are falling asleep; you can imagine that you are not falling asleep. You can imagine that you can live without smoking; you can imagine that it is impossible to live without smoking – both are imaginations. It depends on you for what you use the imagination – imagination is neutral.

But my feeling is that you are antagonistic to the very idea.

[The sannyasin says: I’m trying to see how I can apply imagination to what I’m trying to work with right now... ]

You, you don’t understand the thing.While I am saying something it is better just to listen rather

than to start thinking about how to apply. Then you miss – you don’t listen at all. You have already started planning, and then you are no more here. You hear, but you don’t listen.

A colleague of mine was examining a small boy who’d been brought to the clinic by his mother, a very talkative woman. During the examination my friend noticed that the youngster wasn’t paying much heed to his questions.

“Do you have trouble hearing?” the doctor asked. “No,” the boy answered. “I have trouble listening.”

So if you start planning, you will hear what I am saying but you will not listen, because a screen has arisen and you have already drifted away.

There is no need right now – right now simply listen, and later on think about it. And rather than thinking about what I am saying, try, apply it for one week, and then come back and tell me how you are feeling.

Prem means love and gramya means innocent – love innocence. And gramya means many things more. Literally it means ‘from a village’ – so simple... as if from a very far-off village, a faraway village. Gram means village and gramya means from a village... Literally. Metaphorically it means simple, innocent, with a primal innocence. And that is your potentiality – you can grow into it very simply.

Love happens only when somebody is innocent. Love grows through innocence and innocence grow through love – they grow together. The more clever a person becomes, the less loving he becomes. With cleverness, love becomes impossible. The more calculating, complex, knowledgeable, a person becomes, the further away he has gone from love. And one who has gone away from love has gone away from god.

So be simple, be innocent, be child-like. And the time has come to become a child again. Mm? that is how life should be completed. A person is born as a child – a person should die again as a child; then the life is a full circle, completed. If a person dies not becoming a child, the life was incomplete. And in the east we say that he will have to come back again to complete the circle, because nothing can be left incomplete. So whatsoever is incomplete tends to complete itself.

If you have spoken half a sentence then the half will have to be completed; if you don’t say it, you will say it in the mind. If you don’t say to the person, you will say in your dream to the person – but it will come.

Anything incomplete has a tremendous tendency to complete itself. The whole theory of reincarnation is nothing but this – that if you don’t complete your life you will have to come back to complete it... it will haunt you! Something has been left incomplete – you have to come back; you have to finish it.

And this is the completion: we can’t come back to childhood again but if by the time a person dies he becomes as innocent as when a child is born, this is what a perfect life, a total life is. Then there is no coming back... one simply disappears into the infinity – call it ‘kingdom of god’ or whatsoever; one simply disappears.

And that disappearance is benediction. That’s the blessing, the bliss, that everybody is seeking. That’s why jesus goes on saying again and again, ‘Only those who are like children will enter into my kingdom... only those who are like children.’

Remember he says, ‘like children...’ He is not saying just ‘children’, but ‘like children’. That means those who are not physiologically children, but deep down are spiritually children. They have lived life, experienced it, become mature and have understood that it is all futile, and have dropped it. Again they start looking with wondering eyes . .. again there is exclamation in their being. They are thrilled, and there is surprise.

So become innocent – and it is very simple for you. It will not be a difficult thing, mm? That is your meditation – while you are here, be just like a child. Forget all that you have learned. Wash your mind completely.

Veet means beyond and ateeta means past – beyond the past... one who has transcended the past. That has to be done – the past has to be completely forgotten; that will unburden you. We carry the

past too much, and because of the past we start projecting the future. Both are a burden... both are very destructive.

Whatsoever has happened has happened – get clean out of it; it is no more meaningful. Don’t go on thinking about it, that is absolutely meaningless. It cannot be re-claimed, you cannot improve it, you cannot change it. Whatsoever is done is done, it cannot be undone.

So all the time that we waste in thinking about it – going again and again and again backwards – is a wastage, a sheer wastage. And because of this past a new phenomenon arises: the future. The future is nothing but our modified past. In the past there were a few things you would like to repeat again – you project them in the future. There were a few things you would never like to repeat again, so you don’t project them in the future. It is a modified past, a little changed here and there but still it is a continuity.

And your reality is neither of the past nor of the future; your reality is of the herenow. Only this mo ment is real. If you look at people, it is really pitiable – what they are doing with their life.

Once a professor came to me and he was in the habit of using the words, ‘I am’ too much’, so I told him, ‘Either use “I was” or “I shall be”, but don’t use “I am”.’ He said, ‘Why?’

I said, ‘Because whatsoever you are saying has nothing to do with “I am”. Either it is concerned with “I was” or it is concerned with “I shall be”. Only very few people should use “I am”. And I would like you to become one of those who can use “I am”. So get out of the past – let it be dropped. Let the dead bury their dead.’

Once you become alert about not getting entangled with the past, you have tremendous freedom – in fact, only then do you have a future. If the past is too much, the future is corrupted by the past. You don’t have any future – it is a repetition of the past. When the past is dropped completely, the future is a clean slate. Then you really have a future – you have possibilities. Then something new can happen to you ... and god is something absolutely new.

It had not happened in the past, so the past cannot give it to you – the past will be the barrier. The past has to be dropped for god to be known. The past has to cease completely, then immediately you are available to the new, to the alive, to the existential. And god is nothing but a name for existence.

So this you have to make a point of remembrance. Mm? the mind will tend to go into the past... just remember it. Shake yourself and get out of it. Rather be more and more in the present. Whatsoever you are doing, be in it totally. In the beginning it will be difficult because of the old habit. By and by you will learn the new knack, and once it is learned, its pay-off is tremendous – you become alive for the first time.

And that’s what sannyas is all about – to become really alive!

Satya means the truth, adhideva means the great god – truth, the great god, the great god of truth. And that is the key for you: to be true, to be authentic, to be just natural, as you are – no need to pretend, no need to show, no need to act. Whatsoever the consequence, be without as you

are within. Let your within become your without... Let your centre flood your circumference. Great experiences are going to happen – just that is your key.…

And you are ready for it! You have been working for many lives. This that you have started is not new – it is an old, old quest. For many lives you have been working and working. Many times you started and dropped, started and stopped. This time, don’t stop! This time go headlong. And the goal is not very far away – it is just by the corner. Sometimes you have dropped it when you were just close to it.

When for the first time the gold mines were discovered in Colorado and everybody was rushing for the gold – poor people were becoming rich, suddenly rich – a man, seeing this, purchased a whole hillock. He put all his earnings in it and was imagining that he was going to become the richest man in the world.

He searched the whole hillock and not a single grain of gold was found. And he started digging – to no avail. He was desperate... he was broke. He advertised that he wanted to sell it and all the instruments that he had brought to the hill.

It was worth millions of dollars, but his family said. ‘Who is going to purchase? The whole country knows that nothing has been found.’ He had not even the money to take the instruments and implements away and sell them in the market – not even that money was there He had to sell it as it was, then and there.

The family was saying that nobody would purchase it – who would be as mad as him? And now that people knew.… But one person came and purchased it. and just the next day the gold was found – just one foot dug deeper. And the man really became the richest man in the world.Just one foot

more!

You have backed away many times and it was just one foot away.… This time don’t do that. Let this be your work upon yourself: be true... be simply true.…

Deva means divine, adina means richness – divine richness, divine treasure, divine wealth.

And remember the meaning of it: you are carrying a treasure – as everybody is but is not aware of it. Everybody thinks he is a beggar, and nobody is a beggar. Beggars are not born at all – everybody is born an emperor. But one has to know the fact, recognise the fact, and be courageous enough to live it.

The treasure is hidden within you, and if you go on searching and seeking outside you will never find it. The more you search, the more you will feel that you are a beggar. The more you search, the more you will feel that you are a failure. The more you search, the more hopeless you will become.

Unless one turns withinwards, there is no hope. And that’s what meditation is: an approach towards the innermost core of your being.

[The new sannyasin says she has had a hard life and she is not sure if she is ready to be a sannyasin, but she needs help.]

The help is possible only if you become committed. If you cannot wear orange and you cannot wear the mala, then you can do your groups but don’t take sannyas. If you want to take sannyas just for help, it will not be of much help, because you are deceiving from the very beginning – you are not true.

Many people do that – they think that by becoming sannyasins they will be helped, but if you are not becoming a sannyasin deep down, you will not be helped at all. It is. not a question of my helping you – it is a question of you receiving it.

If it is just a bargain, nothing will happen out of it. It is better not to be a sannyasin. Just do your groups, and whatsoever help is possible I will do... but at least be true! This is deceptive and this is cunningness. This is starting something in a very calculating way. This is a love affair! If you are in love with me, then sannyas is meaningful and much will be gained through it. But if you are just thinking about it in a business like way – that you want to be helped, so it is better to become a sannyasin – then nothing will happen. This very cunningness will become the barrier. So you think about it.…

If you feel that you cannot be truly a sannyasin, then tomorrow you give the mala and name back. If you can be truly, then only, keep the mala – but be true, mm?

[A sannyasin who is leaving says he will return as soon as he has money again.]

Money is a simple thing. When you have a great desire to come, it happens, mm? It dependsIf

you have the desire, then everything happens.

And I say it to you because I have lived without money for so many years, and everything happens! I have not a single rupee with me! You see, I don’t have any pockets!

The day I dropped my pockets, everybody’s pocket became mine!

Don’t be worried. Just go and come back. Keep the desire to come and soon you will be back, mm? [A sannyasin had previously written to Osho about her ‘breakdowns’.]

You were taking some medicine... you have stopped?...

Whenever you need the medicine, take it. And don’t be against the medicine. By and by you will need it less and less, and it will disappear. But don’t drop it too suddenly – sometimes that can create trouble. So whenever you feel you need to, you feel, immediately take it, mm?...

My feeling is that your problem was not really a psychological problem but was more a spiritual growth pain. You were not a psychiatric case. Something of a higher quality wanted to explode and you were not aware of what to do with it, hence it became a problem. Now you have come to the right place – nothing to be worried about. You can leave it to meYou can relax completely.

[Osho suggests some groups.]

You have to do these groups in a very very playful way – don’t get serious. Have fun... don’t get serious. You will grow more through playfulness, non-seriousness, joy and celebration than through hard work. In the camp also, do only that which feels good and which doesn’t make any strain on you. Mm? just hang around and enjoy.

Sufi dancing you have to continue – that will be very helpful. And after the camp there will be a music group in the night, so join the music group; that will be very soothing to your nerves.

But it was a growth pain and it happens to very few people – those people are very fortunate. In the west they are thought to be neurotic or psychotic or this and that and they are immediately labelled... because the west is still unaware that there is a madness which is not madness. There is a madness that is closer to god than the so-called ordinary normal human being. But now, even in the west, psychiatrists are becoming alert about it. They are starting to think about it a little – that there is something. All madnesses are not the same.

There is a madness which is falling below the normal and there is a madness which is going beyond the normal – both look alike but both are totally different, far apart. Heaven and earth – that is the distance between them.

So you had a very fortunate experience but there was nobody to tackle it, nobody to direct the energy in the right way.

Drop the fear – just become completely fearless. Start celebrating and enjoying ... and things are perfectly good! Good.

[A sannyasin says: I just have a desire to look into your eyes.]

Very good! Then close your eyes – if you want to look into my eyes...

Whenever you want to look into my eyes, close your eyes and look there. There you will find my eyes. If you can look into yourself, you are looking at me.

Just looking at me is not going to help much. If you come closer to yourself, you have come closer to me. The day you become centred, you have entered me.

So always, whenever this idea arises, just close your eyes. And soon you will get the knack of it. Soon you will see that my presence becomes very very solid, tangible – you can almost touch it.

[Another sannyasin says: I feel like I need to take sannyas again.I feel like I’ve been in a dream

and all the dreams are gone.]

That’s very good. Dreams have to go. For the reality to come, space has to be created. And if dreams go on occupying the space, the reality will never enter. It is very ridiculous and looks very absurd, but dreams are hindering the reality – they are the barrier. So if they are going, very good!

It is painful when they go, because one has invested so much in them. It hurts when they go, because they were your only hope, your expectation, your desire.

[She answers: But Osho, I feel like you’re going too!]

Mm, that too is true, because you must have created a dream about me also. So when all dreams go, when the dreaming mind goes, whatsoever the dreaming mind has created – and the dreaming mind has created me too – let it go! It is painful, that’s what I am saying – it is very painful. And then you will become more alert about the real me, and that will not be your projection, that will be my Presence. And these are two different things.

When somebody comes to me, first he has his projections. He takes sannyas from me but not really from me – he takes sannyas from his own projection. So you are right! I am also going (chuckling), because that was not me, it was your idea of me ! It has to go.

And for a few days you will be in a vacuum, in an emptiness. There will be an interval, and that interval is called the dark night of the soul. One feels completely lost, uprooted... sort of nowhere, empty. One is not even aware whether one is alive or dead. One does not know what is happening, what has happened. All looks a fiction, and the fiction is disappearing far away on the horizon.

Allow it to disappear, and then your asking for a second initiation is absolutely right. Come close...

Just don’t try to cling to the disappearing dreams – let them go... say ‘good-bye’, mm? And if emptiness comes, be empty. Then soon you will become aware for the first time of what reality is – you will become aware of that which is.

[Another sannyasin says: I’ve just left a relationship that I was in, and I’d written you a letter about it... I was feeling a lot of love for the person I was with and also there was a voice inside of me that seemed to be from my stomach saying, ‘I don’t want to be with you – I want to go.’

Osho gives him an ‘energy’ darshan, and asks about the woman. The sannyasin replies: She hates me.]

Hates you? So she still loves (laughter) – nothing is lost. But a few days more... because that voice will come again if you immediately start moving with the woman.

That voice was not yours... it was more of your body than of your being. There is a possibility that somehow your body energies were not fitting with each other. Your psychic energies were fitting – sometimes it happens that there is a division, a split. The body says no, and the stomach is the mouthpiece of the body... so immediately your body went into turmoil. You wait, mm?

And one thing you do... learn sirshasan – standing on your head. Somebody can teach you; many sannyasins know it. At least for five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening, stand on your head. Don’t eat anything before you stand – at least two, three hours should have passed if you have eaten something. So early in the morning before you take your breakfast, stand for five minutes on your head. That will change something in your body – a subtle need for change is there.

And the second thing: start rubbing your stomach with a dry towel. After you have gone to the toilet in the morning and the stomach is empty, rub. Start from the right corner and go round and round – three minutes – but a good rubbing so the stomach becomes hot. Then take a good, cold shower – make it cool.

Hot and cool shower and standing on your head – these two things... for at least one week. And then after one week you start wooing the woman again. And if she hates, she loves – nothing to worry about.

A woman is gone only when she becomes indifferent; a man is gone when he becomes indifferent. Hate can be converted into love, love Can be converted into hate – only indifference cannot be converted. So don’t be worried, mm?

But it is still there, so if right now you again move with her the stomach will start saying to you.And

your body has a very strong voice – very strong likes and dislikes. And of course I can understand your trouble – your mind loves the woman, you feel good with her, but the body is not in tune. But it will fall in tune – nothing to be worried about.

So after seven days start wooing her. And if she doesn’t listen to you, bring her to me (laughter), mm? I have to do all sorts of things!

[Another sannyasin says: I’ve been thinking so much how the ashram feels like home and how I’d like to be part of it. But on the other hand, so much resistance and fearlooking at the kind of work

that goes on and feeling, ‘Well, I’d hate doing any of those things.’ And so much fear.]

You will have to love those kind of things! And once you start loving, you will see great changes happening in you. Because the work in the ashram is not just work – it is working on yourself; it is putting yourself in a situation. If you feel you hate something, that is the thing to be done, otherwise your hate will never disappear and you will never go beyond it. You will always be pulled down by it.

If you feel some resistance about something, that means something has to be worked out. [The sannyasin answers: That’s a heavy one!]

It is a heavy one!...

Then wait – but once you become a part of the ashram you have to do heavy things here. So wait... think a little more.

You have to go through them – you are caught and there is no escape! (laughter) So you can wait – that’s nothing to worry about; for a few days you can wait. But you are on the operation table, so any day...(chuckling)... the operation has to happen. The more you wait, the more you will become disturbed. Just Lying down on the operation table is very bad. Better be finished! But you think.…

And once you have gone through those things you will know then what they can do. A man has to come to a point where he has no like, no dislike. Whatsoever comes, he takes; whatsoever is given he does. Then there is a great transcendence and great beauty and great freedom. Likings and dislikings are your imprisonments. When there is no like, no dislike – something is given and one is doing it and remains very very aware, that’s all.a witness – then there is a different quality to your

being, and that’s what freedom is.

And the more you wait, the more difficult things will be given to you. This is just the beginning – after two, three years you will see what people are doing! One has to go deeper by and by, and intenser. Think about it.meditate.

Tonight at twelve o’clock you sit in the bed . (laughter) and I will see to it, mm? Twelve o’clock. [The sannyasin repeats: Twelve o’clock?]

Mm, exactly! (laughter) Just sit in the bed at twelve o’clock and I will see to it.

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