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‌CHAPTER 4

4 May 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva guhen.And the heart is just a divine cave. The heart does not consist of the lungs only.

The lungs are the centre of the body, life circulates through the lungs, but hidden somewhere behind the lungs is the cave where you live, where god livesBecause you and god are not two separate

things. You are the seed and he is the blossoming of it; you are the potentiality and he is the actuality of it; you are the beginning, he is the end.

But god abides in the heart, so in the East we call the heart ‘the divine cave’, and the whole search is to find where that cave is and to enter into it.

Entering into the heart is entering into existence; and modern man has gone very far away from the heart. The head is the farthest point from the heart. We can measure the distance between the head and the heart and ordinarily it is only a few inches, but the difference is so infinite – they are poles apart. The heart is on one corner of existence and the head is on another corner of existence. Infinity is between them, because the head functions in a totally different way to the heart.

The head functions through thought, through logic, through argument, and the heart functions through love, through intuition, through feeling. The head functions through doubt and the heart functions through trust, and doubt and trust never meet. A doubting mind, a doubting thomas, remains in the head, is hung up there, and suffers tremendously because life never opens its doors for doubt. Doubt itself is the block. The moment you doubt, you are closed – so the mind is a closed phenomenon; the heart is an opening. When you trust, you open – when trust is utter then the opening is total. Those few moments of trust become great glimpses into divinity.

And that’s what sannyas is all about – a learning in trust; an unlearning of doubt and learning of trust, a dissolving of the mind and growing into the heart. And it is very simple for you, because I

can feel that you are a man who belongs to the heart. To be in the head is just against your nature – it is not for you.

There are people for whom to be in the head is not against their nature – they are the really difficult people; it is very difficult to bring them to the heart – but you are not a problem, things are simple. You have a very innocent feel around you... your vibration is that of a child, so good!

[A visitor says she has been with her husband for fifteen years and has just discovered she doesn’t love him, but there are three children – what to do?]

Anger is relevant when you are in love, anger is allowed when you are in love – you can afford anger, anger is part of love. Once you understand that you are no more in love, then remember, anger is futile, to be angry with him is just meaningless. If he is getting your love, then it is okay – anger comes in the same package; you can be angry with him. But when love has disappeared and you find that there is no love any more, then there is no anger. This has to be understood, otherwise what happens is that love disappears and anger continues. If you are angry then he will continue to be negative – his negativity is just a reaction. Drop anger – because nothing can be done from his side, something can be done from your side. Drop negativity; start thinking in terms of your just living together with no love. There is no need even to say that. Then whatsoever he is doing, feel thankful for, because you are not in love.

When you are in love you need not thank, you need not feel thankful – it is your due. When you are not in love, then naturally, if some stranger comes and helps you to bring up your children, you will feel tremendously grateful. If some stranger comes and helps you in any way, you will feel grateful. Now this man is a stranger – the bridge that used to be is no more there... or maybe it was never there. But that is not the point, now this man is a stranger. Don’t go on thinking in terms of him being your husband, because when love is not there how can he be your husband and how can you be his wife? Once this is understood – that love has disappeared – he is a stranger and whatsoever he is doing for you, for your children, you have to be grateful for; he is not obliged to do it. In fact that’s why you are staying with him – for the children’s sake.

Mm? when you are staying with him for the children’s sake, that simply shows that now his only utility for you is that he will financially support the children so there will be security for them. You have to be tremendously grateful to him.

First drop anger – and then immediately you will start feeling that this man is a stranger and he is working hard, doing things. Your total concept about him will start changing – you will feel grateful, and when you feel grateful you will feel compassion for him... because why is he doing it? He is not happy, he is miserable, he is negative, he is not in love... still he is doing all these things. You need to feel compassion for him. And if you feel compassion, no anger; if you feel gratefulness, no anger, you will see a great change happening in him. Suddenly his negativity will disappear, because there is no point, and suddenly he will start seeing that you have changed, you are not the same woman. There is a possibility that he may start responding in a new way, and who knows? – love can start flowing again.

Life is so mysterious.… Many times love goes underground and we think it has disappeared. It simply goes underground – just like the river nile, it simply goes underground – then again suddenly it is there, it has sprung above ground again!

[She says: You once used the analogy of a cup, a broken cup: it can be patched together, but it’s never the same.]

You don’t know about Zen – it can be even better! I know it will not be the same but it can be even better... it can be more artistic (laughter). In Zen they do it: they will go and purchase crockery from the market and break it first and then glue it together in a more artistic way, and then it has an individuality. It is no more from the supermarket – you cannot find that cup anywhere else.

In Japan that is the usual practice – because when guests come home nobody likes to serve tea in ordinary cups and saucers which are available in the market – that is ugly – so they break them. They join them together and they take a pattern which is unrepeatable. Then that cup is unique: on the whole of the earth you will not find that cup anywhere else. And that is really meaningful; it is no more an ordinary commodity.

So that’s right: it can never be the same – but it can be better.

[She asks: May I ask you something else, please? Is there any way that he could be influenced to stay away?]

That is a wrong attitude... that’s how you are creating his negativity. Just forget about him. Think along the lines of what I have said – try it for six months; it will be completely changed. And don’t bother about what will happen – just give it a try.

Don’t be angry with him, don’t think in terms of him remaining away... because that is anger! That is pushing him away. When you want to push somebody and he comes close to you, he will start feeling your vibes – that you don’t want him to be there – and he will start feeling negative. It is his home too! And that is cruel – that we want to exploit the man but we want him to be away. Then he is just a servant, he has no dignity, he has no home... then why is he living ? For what? And why should he go on working? Drop that idea – that he should remain away. If he remains away, good; if he comes, good. You have nothing to do with him, you are no more his wife.…

[She asks: What about the sexual aspect? I mean, if I don’t love this man I don’t want anything to do with him sexually.]

For six months, give it a try – if he asks, just cooperate. For six months give it a try: feel compassion for him – he is a poor, miserable man... feel compassion for him. No anger – and if he asks for sex, it is good: he is doing so much for you, you do that much for him. This is a simple bargain. When love is not there, there is simply bargaining. He brings money for you, at least you can give your body to him. You cannot give your soul, that’s okay – nobody can force that.

For six months, if he asks, good – with no reluctance simply participate in it and remain a watcher... and that will be a great meditation for you: he is making love to you, you are not in love; you are simply watching. It may utterly change your total sexual energy. It may start rising upwards.

This is my approach – that each opportunity has to be used. Now this is an opportunity, that the man asks for sex and you don’t want anything to do with him. Use it for meditation: let him make love and you simply be a watcher. If you are in love then it is very difficult to watch. When you are really in

love with a man, you are lost – how can you watch? It is difficult... you are absorbed in it. When the orgasm has disappeared you come back to your senses. It is a nonsense world. But when you are not in love you can watch.

There is a story in Buddhist literature about a prostitute – Amrapali; she became one of the chief disciples of Buddha. She was the most famous prostitute of those days in India, and when she came and asked Buddha to he initiated, Buddha’s disciples were a little disturbed. This was dangerous – to give this woman a chance to be in the community. She was really a tremendously beautiful woman and there would be much trouble. One disciple, Ananda, asked Buddha, ‘But why should a prostitute come?’ And Buddha said, ‘You don’t understand. Not loving people and still sexually involved in it, by and by she started watching. What else can you do? – you don’t love the man. He has paid the money, so he is making love. You are simply there – not doing anything; you are not a participant, you are out of it! ’So she started watching – in watching she became aware, that’s why she has come to be initiated,’ Buddha said, ‘and I am going to initiate her. She is going to prove one of the greatest meditators ever’... and she was!

Now this is what I say: if you know how to use an opportunity, then all opportunities can be used, then each opportunity is a blissful chance – one should not lose it.

So for six months, drop al! negativity, all anger – just feel grateful. He is doing so much for the children, for you, that’s good. For this much he asks, this is just a bargain; so whenever he asks, never say no. If you love the man, sometimes you can say no; but now you don’t love him, how can you say no?

Accept it and just be watchful. These six months will change you utterly, these six months will change him, and for the first time you will find that life has taken a different direction.

[Osho says that everything has to be used, each situation we find ourselves in can be a learning, an ‘upei’ or tool for learning, and with just a shift of emphasis, a slight change in perspective, a seemingly insolvable problem or negative situation can be transformed... and transforming.]

[A sannyasin says that he found in the bio-energetic group that he has much suppressed violence. Osho checks his energy.]

It is there but it is not a problem... it will become a great blessing. Energy is there, very much repressed, but it can become a source of power – nothing to be worried about. Don’t take it as a problem; it can be released easily. You are not releasing it: even she started being affected by your energy, but you are not! You have been really holding it hard, you have become completely controlled, you are a very disciplined man, that’s all.

That’s what has been taught down the ages – that man should be very disciplined. And you are – you are a perfect saint! So nothing wrong... but saints are bad company, that is true! They are good to worship but not good to live with. But nothing to be worried about – my whole work here is to destroy saints, so we will demolish you, mm? Don’t take it seriously – it is nothing; it is just that you have remained in a very disciplined way from your very childhood. You must have very disciplinarian parents; you must have had a certain conditioning of always remaining in control. You must have been praised for it, appreciated for it, so you have gathered some ego about it.

And now this is a totally contrary situation: here the undisciplined is appreciated the uncontrolled is valued. But nothing to worry about. You are holding such great energy that once you remove the control you will burst forth in a blossoming, and then you will see that it has been good that you have been sitting on this energy. Now you can use it: you have not wasted any energy in your past, so it is there – it can become a treasure for you.

Things are perfectly good – don’t be worried, mm ? We will take this energy and use it! [A sannyasin said he had a problem with his homosexuality, and he is afraid to be here.]

The first thing: heterosexual or homosexual, the answer is not in sex – so it is not the question of homosexuality. Even if you are a heterosexual, the answer is not there. Looking in the direction of sex there is no answer, so they are both the same.

The first thing: drop worrying about it! Just by being a heterosexual nothing better is going to happen – it will be the same. So accept your homosexuality just as you accept other things – hungerNow

life’s answer is not there in eating food – every day you will feel hungry again, again full, and again hungry. The answer is not there, but that does not mean that because the answer is not there you stop taking food, otherwise you will die.

The answer is not in taking a bath, but that doesn’t mean you should stop taking a bath, otherwise you will become dirty and nauseous. The answer is somewhere else, that is true, but to look somewhere else the basic requirement is to accept your normal things. Don’t bother about them too much. If you feel homosexual it is perfectly good, nothing is wrong in it. That is also a way of relating – nothing wrong in it.a little strange, but nothing abnormal about it.

[The sannyasin says: But I can’t relate, that’s the problem: I cannot relate to people.]

You think that heterosexuals are relating? Who is relating? Everybody is in the same boat! Relating is a great problem – you cannot relate unless you are rooted in your being.you cannot relate. It

has nothing to do with relationship to the other; it has something to do with your inner integration.

Only an integrated person can relate, and the paradox is that he does not bother! An integrated person is not bothered about relating or not relating: if it happens, good; if it doesn’t happen, it’s good. He is happy with himself, his happiness does not depend on relationshipbut only he can

relate. And the person who is not self-integrated cannot relate, is continuously bothered about how to relate, and thinks that everything will be good if he can relate.

You have to come to your consciousness, and I am saying that the first requirement is: don’t be disturbed too much about your ordinary life, don’t create any obsession. If you feel to be homosexual, it is good; if it changes some day and you become heterosexual, that too is good. If you again become homosexual, that too is good. These are ordinary things, nothing worth being worried about. You need not force your attention on them – they should be taken for granted.

If you eat this type of food, that is good; if you eat another type of food, that too is good. The problem is not there. For example, somebody comes and he says, ‘I smoke a certain brand of cigarettes – now this is my problem.’ The brand cannot be the problem: you can change the brand

of cigarettes, but the problem will remain the same. That is exactly the thing with the heterosexual and the homosexual: you just change the brand of the cigarette, nothing else.

The first and very fundamental thing is to accept the way you are so there is no need to be bothered about it, no more energy is to be put there. Once that has happened, your energy is available to move inwards. Then you can put your energy more into meditation, not into thinking about how to relate. How to be, let that be your problem: not how to relate... because you can relate only when you are. How can you relate? – because you can relate only when you are. How can you relate when you are not?

A man came to Buddha – he was a very rich man – and he wanted to serve humanity. He wanted Buddha to bless him so that he could open many charitable institutions, hospitals, colleges, schools, and serve humanity. Buddha looked at him with deep compassion – as if he were very sorry for the man. The man became a little embarrassed. and he said, ‘Why are you looking at me as if I am in some trouble? I am not in any trouble – I have enough money, don’t be worried about that!’ Buddha said, ‘I am not worried about that... I am worried about how you can help humanity. You are not, so whatsoever you will do will be harmful. Please, first be, then only do something!’

So shift the emphasis. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality, homosexuality; nothing to do with it. I accept it as it is: It is good; don’t make a problem out of it. If you make a problem out of it you will be continuously stuck there. Not making a problem of it means that now your energy is available, you can move somewhere else.

And relationship remains difficult.Only a very few people who have come home can relate. Those

who are rooted, grounded in their being, only they can relate; otherwise communication is difficult. In fact there is nothing to relate to, nobody to relate from. With whom are you trying to relate? You are not and the person you are trying to relate to is not – just two ghosts trying to relate, trying to hug each other, and passing through each other because they are not; so the hugging never happens. They are shadowsFirst become substantial. So please accept your homosexuality – it

is perfectly normal, nothing is wrong about it. And this is my feeling: once you have known the world of the homosexual, the world of the heterosexual will never appeal to you. There are a thousand and one reasons for it.…

A man easily understands the language of the other man – the woman has a different attitude about everything. If you cannot relate with a man, it will be more difficult to relate with women, because they don’t speak the same language.

I used to stay with a family and I watched the problem. Both the husband and wife are good people, very good people, but are constantly arguing and nagging and constantly at the edge, never at ease. I watched them and I saw what the problem was: they were not speaking the same language. In fact no woman speaks the same language as the man – cannot! And no man speaks the same language as the woman – he cannot! They are different types of creatures.

When a woman wants to think about something she talks about it. When a man wants to think about something he keeps quiet. When a man is thinking and the woman comes and disturbs him – for small things: she may ask ‘Would you like to have another cup of coffee?’ – he is angry and he says, ‘If I need, I will ask!’

Now, she was very loving and he is very blunt. On the surface it seems that it is very ugly of the man to rebuff her in that way, but what is happening inside? He was thinking about something – now she brings a cup of coffee and disturbs his whole track of thought. He thinks only when he is silent, and when the woman wants to think, she talks – that is her way of thinking: she thinks aloud.

A husband sitting silently looks as if he is angry or something, sad or something, and when the wife continuously talks the husband thinks, ‘She never thinks! What is the matter? She just goes on talking – never thinks. She has nothing to say and goes on talking!’ Two different kinds of psychologies... so remember that. Once you are interested homosexually you have found a relationship which is easier, less challenging, less risky, with less conflict. That’s why homosexuals are called ‘gay’ – they are gay! Heterosexuals are always sad, there is always some problem or other.

Homosexuals are really gay, happy people – they understand each other. If you understand yourself a little bit, you understand the other man you love. There is a great ’ understanding between the persons... and it is so with lesbians.

A woman understands another woman. Once a woman is a lesbian it is very difficult to turn her energy into heterosexuality, very difficult because she relates well – better – with a woman. She understands her heart – it is her own heart; they belong to the same world and the same dimension.

So once it happens it becomes very difficult to change. But I am not saying that there is any need to move to the other – there is no need: accept it, nothing is wrong in it. Accept yourself totally and be happy the way you are.

[The sannyasin says: Really, I want to just get up and dance all the timeBut I feel very restricted.]

No, no, nobody is restricting you. Be gay!

[A couple ask about their relationship. He wants more sex and feels rejected because she does not feel passionate.]

There is no need to always have passion – you can have compassion, that’s enough. And in fact it is more satisfying.passion is not so satisfying. It is not passion that is lacking in your relationship,

it is compassion.

There is no need to be in much heat. By and by, a relationship comes to a cooler stateit has

to! But if you love the person, if you have compassion for the person, nothing is destroyed; in fact sex becomes deeper. Sex with heat is shallow. Yes, it has intensity, but it is shallow. It is feverish, it possesses you. It is there and it is gone – it is like a storm... it is not very nourishing. It is as if for a minute the sky pours, but it is not nourishing. Longer rain – lasting, not so heavy – is more nourishing to the earth. Love, not very hot but very compassionate, lasts longer, goes deeper, is more nourishing.

My feeling is that compassion is needed. Forget about passion – if it is not there it is not there; nothing to be worried about. It always settles: only in the beginning stage are lovers hot. You cannot remain hot forever, and there is no need to – it is destructive. Just feel compassion for him.…

If he feels that sexuality is meaningful, then he needs it. And if you love him, you have to look after his need too. What does love mean ? It is caring for the other. If he feels that there is some meaning still and he enjoys it – he feels delighted through it, he feels good and healthy and more normal and more at ease – then what is love? Love is to take care of the other, is to think of the other too. Even if your passion is gone, compassion will do!

And you have to make up for it: because the passion is not there, compassion has to be really great. So you make up with compassion whatsoever is missed by passion; that’s your thing now. If you love the man, you know that you have taken something from him – the heat is not there – so pour more warmth, make it more prayerful, make it more meditative.…

.… If you care for him, there is no problem. If you don’t care, simply be clear about it: it is meaningful for him but it is not meaningful for you, you care about yourself and you are not worried about him. Then it is simple, there is no problem, nobody is hindering him. Then why do you get worried when he is somewhere else? Now you are being tricky and cunning.

Passion you cannot give, compassion you don’t understand, you say, and if he goes to somebody else you are in a bad mood and you must be taking revenge on him. So what is this? You are miserable – you want him to be miserable too or what? And this is not only with you – many women do it, knowingly, unknowingly; they destroy the whole relationship. My feeling is that women are not very happy creatures – somehow they are more attached to misery.

So just decide about it. Try for one month. If you can feel compassion for him and you can be loving.And never say no, because what is the point of saying no? Why is he with you?

He does not want to go to anybody else – you force him to go, and when he goes you are nagging and are in a misery and create some trouble for him.… Now this is too much. First you push him towards others, and when he goes you create trouble for him. You don’t give him any way to get out of the trouble. In fact what you want is that you will not give him love and he should love you so much that he should not go to anybody – but why? You will not give him food and he cannot even go begging ? So what do you want ? Do you want Krishna to starve and die?

For one month be more compassionate. Before you say no to love, think a thousand times. Saying yes, there is no need to think at all, but when you say no, think a thousand times. It is not right... because two persons are together to say yes to each other – that’s what togetherness is all about; otherwise why be together at all ? You can be miserable alone – there is no need for him to be there.

Only if you want to be happy is there any meaning in being together. Miserable? – one can be miserable anywhere and one can be alone. Misery is, in a way, very independent. Happiness is not so independent... it is an interdependence. Happiness is a sharing: the more you share, the more happy you are.

So first, for one month stop this no-saying. Flow more, be compassionate, be motherly – at least you can do that. Don’t be a wife, don’t be a beloved, but be motherly. And when he wants to make love say yes, say it happily, and say yes more emphatically, because now the passion is not there you have to make up for it: he needs some compassion.

And if you cannot do it, simply say to him that it is impossible, so he should move, he should start making love to anybody he feels like; he can find a partner and you will be friends – there is no problem in it. Then there is no need to worry about where he has gone and what he is doing.

You are creating the situation – that’s why you are worried. You don’t give him love so you know he must be going somewhere, then you are worried: some other woman will be giving love to him. Then there is anxiety – some other woman may possess him. But look at the logic: you keep him hungry and if somebody else is feeding him, you are angry. So what wrong has poor [man] done to you, mm ?

[A sannyasin asks about her relationship: her jealousy and anger towards her partner. She has done several groups.]

Hypnotherapy and deep hypnotherapy – book for these two groups after the camp. And they are both relaxing groups: you have earned it now, you need relaxation, mm?

And give more freedom, because when you give freedom you get freedom. It is sheer stupidity not to give freedom, because if you don’t give freedom, the other will not give freedom to you; it is reciprocal. And when the other is not going to give freedom to you, you feel miserable. Freedom is joy!

You have wrong notions. Freedom is joy and love is joy also when it is out of freedom. In fact the intrinsic joy in love is not of love; it is of freedom. That’s why when you make love out of freedom, then there is joy. When you make love out of duty there is no joy, when you make love to your husband there is no joy. You can make it.…

The husband comes home – he is tired, he simply falls into the chair and he says, ‘I am tired and I am fed-up.’ The wife is tired – she has been with the children for the whole day and this and that; this broke and that happened and the electricity was not there. Then they both decide to go to a party, and at the party you see these two people – they are totally different! The wife is laughing and rushing here and there and has become a small girl again, and there is joy and delight, and the husband is so happy talking to women and men.…

You cannot believe that these are the same people I Just a few minutes before they were getting tired and bored – now all boredom is gone. They will be there dancing and drinking up to two o’clock in the night. You could not have expected that these people can be dancing and talking and enjoying. Now there is a little freedom – new people give freedom.

Wherever you feel freedom, you are happy. But what happens is that there is a vicious circle: you don’t give freedom so the other cannot give freedom to you; when he does not give freedom to you, you feel miserable. When you feel miserable you create more misery for him and he creates more misery for you... and this goes on and on. This is sheer suicide, this is no way to live – this is a way to die, and an ugly way at that.

Start giving him freedom and be free and enjoy. And there are so many beautiful sannyasins all around, mm? Good!

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