28

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‌CHAPTER 28

28 May 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Prem means love, nishavda means unuttered, unspoken, wordless, soundless – unuttered love, unspoken love, love without any word interfering with it.

The tendency of the mind is to analyse, to interpret, to express, and in that very effort much is lost.

Love is something which cannot be uttered. You can be love but you cannot say what it is. You can be in it, but you can never be capable of uttering it; all language is inadequate.

In fact, you never feel the inadequacy of language unless you are in love. In every other way language is adequate: it can express, it can contain, it can indicate. Encountering love, suddenly language becomes meaningless, almost an absurdity. Love is an experience, and so deep an experience that it cannot be brought to the surface where language exists.

A man is born with love, not with language. Language he learns later on, so language is not as deep as love. And people who are constantly entangled with words never attain to love. These people sometimes even start praying, but then too they use words. Christians have missed much because of their prayer; it has words in it. Even when they are confronting god they go on saying something.

Saying means you are still using the mind; and the mind is the barrier, it has to be dropped. Language has to be put aside – one has to be just open, that’s all. A prayer can only be silent. A prayer with words is a contradiction is terms because prayer is the highest form of love.

So two things I want to convey to you through your name: one is love, another is wordlessness, and both are two aspects of the same coin.

Become more and more non-linguistic and you will become innocent. Become more and more non- linguistic and you will become more and more loving. Or, start with love and you will start forgetting

language and words and there will come pure spaces in your being where the sky is utterly empty – not a single cloud of word or thought moves in it. Then there is a clarity, a transparency. That transparency is prayer.

So meditate on these two things... and I say ‘meditate’, I don’t say ‘think’. Just pour your energy into these two things – love and silence – and soon you will see that they both become one, they both become two doors of the same temple; the innermost shrine is the same.

And enjoy both. Enjoy love more and more – that is the way to be religious – and enjoy silence more and more – that is the way to be spiritual.

Deva means divine and vinod means a sense of humour – divine humour. And to me that is one of the most important ingredients in spirituality: a sense of humour. If a man lacks that he can never become spiritual. Seriousness is part of the devil’s game. God is not serious; only the devil is serious. God is really humour, mm? that is the eastern way of looking at him.

The western god is serious, the christian, the jewish god is very serious; they could not conceive of god as playful. The eastern concept of god is of great playfulness, and the whole existence is his play – not his work! It is just a game that he goes on playing – he enjoys playing it – and we are partners in that game.

There is no need to be serious. A serious saint is not a saint at all. A serious saint is pathological; he is ill, psychologically ill. Mm? god loves jokes. That is the meaning of the name ‘deva vinod’.

So prepare yourself for more and more humour, joy, cheerfulness. These are virtues. Never be serious, never be a long-face and don’t think in terms of work. Life is not a work – the very concept of work is western; life is a joy! Not a work to be done, but something to be enjoyed.

And there is no need to be deadly serious about it. There is no goal, life is not going somewhere. It is simply here. It never goes anywhere, it is always here, it has never gone anywhere. It has no purpose... a play has no purpose.

Work is purposive and creates tensions; play takes away tensions. If the western mind has become too tense, the reason is because of work ethics. Continuously thinking that you have to do this, you have to do that. If you don’t do this god will be angry, you will be thrown in hell; if you do this he will be very happy and great will be your pay-off, you will be rewarded in heaven, and this and that.…

And the same idea has penetrated the whole society so everybody is working, thinking that some day the work will culminate in a goal and they will be happy. It never culminates because there is no goal.

It is not like going to the office – it is just a morning walk: you don’t go anywhere. You can go to the east, you can go to the west, it is all the same. And you can turn from any point; it is all the same.

Life should be taken as a morning walk and then you will feel more and more humour coming to you. And the whole existence is full of humour... just man is missing it.

Mm? Listen to these birds: they go on joking, they go on laughing for no purpose... just for the heck of it!

They are not performing these songs, there is no audience. If they don’t perform they will not miss anything; they are not being paid for it. It is just energy bubbling... so what to do with energy bubbling?

One dances, one sings.… So live a life of humour!

[A sannyasin says: I can’t handle women – they drive me crazy.]

Mm mm. That’s the problem? That is the perennial problem. Mm mm.…

The first thing: why should you want to handle them? The very word handling is not good. The very word shows that you want to relate to them in a possessive way. You handle a thing, not a person – and if you start handling a person you will be in difficulty, because the person will resist, fight... and it is good!

No one is here to be handled. That is insulting, humiliating. Never try to handle any person, and then things will become very easy. Your very idea of handling maybe creating a thousand and one problems, because when you want to handle someone, the other starts resisting – unconsciously The other will start sabotaging your efforts and will start in a subtle way to handle you.

There are five worlds we live in. The first world is the world of things. When you are handling a thing there is no problem. Mm? you can put this mike anywhere you like, and it will not say yes or no; it has no soul. You can put this chair anywhere, you can destroy this chair, you can burn this chair and the chair will not resist; it is a thing, you can handle it.

That’s why people love things so much. A car is better than a woman or a man because you can handle it more easily, more smoothly. A good house, furniture, a thousand and one gadgets... science goes on creating new gadgets for you to handle so that you can enjoy the world of things, but that is the most superficial world. And when you are with things too much you will become a thing – that is the danger – because one tends to become that with which one lives too much.

If a man lives with mechanical gadgets too much he will become a machine. That is the world of ‘it-it’, of two things – no soul, no god, no spirit... simple!

The second world is the world of roles – a pseudo-world where you pretend that the other is a person but you don’t believe that he is, you simply pretend. You pretend that you are a person but you don’t behave like a person: you work and behave like a role. And others also – the boss and the servant – these are roles. The boss pretends to be the boss and the servant pretends to be the servant. Neither is the boss a boss, nor the servant a servant. Both are human beings, but with a mask. The boss works through the mask and the servant works through the mask: mask-to-mask is the relationship.

This is the second world. It is better than the first – at least you play a pseudo role – at least you pretend that the other is a person although you don’t want to accept it. You want to reduce the other to a thing but you pretend ‘Yes, the servant also has a soul’

.… But you don’t want the soul to interfere. It is a very efficient world – the clerk and the head-clerk, the general and the soldier. It is a very very efficient world: you pretend your role, I pretend my role and nobody interferes; reality does not interfere.

We go on playing scripts. Naturally it becomes very very efficient. Human beings are very inefficient, very imperfect. Roles can become very perfect. Playing the same role again and again, rehearsing the same role again and again, naturally one becomes perfect, but it is just acting. This is the world of pseudo-l, relating to pseudo-thou. Both are false. The relationship is mask-to-mask... many people live in this.

The third world is the world of persons – I-thou. You cannot possess, you cannot handle; you can only love, you can only respect. Reverence is the key: you respect the other and the other’s integrity. Through that respect the other starts respecting you and your integrity; you don’t want to violate his or her integrity.

You give her total freedom, absolute freedom to be herself; the freedom is not in any way interfered with. That is the world of man, woman, lovers, friends – that’s the real world. Very few people come to that world; the majority is finished with the first two. Very rarely does a person rise to try to become a person, and not only that but tries to help the other to be a person too.

Then there is great respect and nobody is used as a means... just as an end. The woman is an end; how can you handle her? How can she handle you?

You both are autonomous persons, absolutely autonomous. You agree to be together and to be happy together, so you are together. The moment you disagree, the moment you feel that now your togetherness is not creating a happy world, you say good-bye... but there is no politics involved.

And the fourth world – which rarely one in a thousand achieves – is the world of pure consciousness. It is the world of meditation. The third is the world of love, the fourth is the world of meditation where you are enough unto yourself.

And that is possible only after the third has happened; that’s why my insistence, so much insistence, on love. Allow love to happen otherwise you will miss the fourth. The third is a necessary passage, a must to enter the fourth. Nobody can enter the world of meditation without tasting something of love.

Giving respect to the other you become respectful towards yourself. The other starts functioning like a mirror and you start seeing yourself in the eyes of your beloved. You discover yourself through the other; the other enhances you – then you can come to your own being. A mirror is needed first; otherwise you will never be able to know who you are: somebody has to say to you who you are.

So when you are in love your being is enhanced. You attain to more maturity, more strength; you are nourished by the love and you start gaining strength – so much so that one day you can close your eyes and you can just be yourself.

That being with yourself is what meditation is all about pure consciousness. This is the fourth world. One in a thousand sometimes achieves to it. And there is a fifth world that one in a million sometimes achieves. That is the world where even ‘I’ disappears – neither ‘I’ nor ‘thou’. That is the world of god, that is the world of Buddhas. They are one with the universe: there is no question of ‘I’ and ‘thou’. The ego exists no more. That’s what nirvana is, what christians call the state of being a christ, or buddha; whatsoever one wants to call it. That is god-consciousness.

These are the five worlds we live in, and my feeling is you are somewhere struggling with the first two. Never try to handle anybody! It is easy to, but then you destroy the very possibility of love arising. You can handle a woman – then she is no more a woman; she becomes a machine to be used. You can have a wife but the woman dies. You can have a legal licence, can have power over the woman, but you will not enjoy it because the whole enjoyment of love consists in voluntary surrender to each other. If she has to, the beauty is lost; if you have to, the beauty is lost.

But this is a perennial question. It has nothing to do with you especially – everybody has to struggle with it; it is one of the most fundamental questions. It is good that you have raised it, it is good that you think about it. Once you become aware of it something can be done. What groups have you done up to now?

[Osho suggests groups for him.]

But right now start looking at others with great respect. Don’t destroy anybody’s freedom and don’t allow anybody to destroy your freedom; at that cost, love is meaningless.

Next time you are in love with a woman start from ABC, with great respect. Treat her almost as a goddess, not less than that – that’s what the tantra attitude is – and see how things change.

But remember that that does not mean that you become a slave, otherwise the whole point is lost: then she starts handling you! That’s the delicate point to be understood: treat her as a goddess but remain a god to yourself.

Humbleness does not mean that you have to humiliate yourself, no. Her freedom is valuable, so is yours! And only when two freedoms meet is there joy. When you are yourself and she is herself and two integrated individuals come together, there is celebration. And they are not lost into each other, remember! They don’t become one personality, never! They remain individual but they remain open towards each other, that’s all.

They are not closed – their windows are open, inviting. They are vulnerable towards each other: they are ready to be loved or to be hurt: they are open! They expose their hearts to each other and they take the risk whatsoever happens... but they remain two! They never become one, and they should not become one: once they become one meaning is lost.

Then you will start looking for some other woman because you are alone again – she will start looking for another man; she is alone again. The other is needed as the other. The other has to come very close, as close as possible, but you should not disappear into each other, otherwise that is a sort of suicide. So don’t commit suicide!

Become like two strong pillars supporting the same roof of love but don’t come too close, otherwise the whole temple will be demolished, will be destroyed by your being too close... people do that.

Learn to love, learn to respect, and drop that word ‘handling’ completely. It is not only a word; it is a great problem inside. We want to handle, we want things our way, and the other wants things her way... then there is conflict.

There is no need for you to agree with her in everything, there is no need for her to agree with you in everything. You can remain as separate, as unique, as different, as possible; in fact you will feel more richness if you are separate, different, totally different.

When two totally different persons come together in love, love has a richness, a very great depth. Two similar persons meeting together are a little monotonous. So don’t try to change the woman according to you and don’t allow her to change you according to her. Remain yourself and help her to be herself. If this respect is there you will see that love finds its own way; you need not force it.

[A sannyasin says her relationship is beautiful but her partner is possessive about her. He knows he is, is aware of the problem and is trying to work on it. She wonders what her part in it should be... ]

Keep him aware, mm? and you remain aware too.

A few things have to be understood when you are in a love relationship.…

One is: never allow possessiveness to settle in it. It tries to. Wherever love happens, possessiveness immediately enters and starts using the possibility of love, starts destroying it. It is the death of love. So the more aware you are, the longer the love can continue, one thing.…

The second thing is: when you are in love and you don’t want to be possessive, you don’t want the other to be possessive, then you have to be alert about one thing more. You should not do something unnecessarily to hurt the feelings of the other. When we love a person we have to be very sensitive about his feelings too; that which can be avoided, should be avoided. Keep alert so that the possessiveness does not settle in, but keep alert also that in the name of anti- possessiveness you don’t start destroying the delicacy of it; otherwise that happens immediately, and both are destructive!

The problem is like a dilemma – it is not a simple problem: either you become possessive, or if you don’t become possessive, you start fooling around in the name that you are not possessive. In the name of the other not being possessive you start fooling around, he starts fooling around – then too love is destroyed.

Love is such a delicate flower. It is very rarely that it is preserved: it is destroyed, either this way or that. Either possessiveness destroys it – you become an old-fashioned wife and husband – or fooling around destroys it and you become a modern husband and wife, but both ways it goes down the drain. It has to be protected from both.

When you love a person there is no need for him to be possessive but there is no need for you to go out of the way to hurt his feelings. You follow me? If you avoid these two pitfalls that are on both

sides.… It is a razor’s edge, very narrow, mm? you can fall down either side. And it almost always happy that if you avoid one you fall into the other, because then you start leaning towards the other. You say, ‘What is wrong in it if I have been with somebody else tonight? What is wrong in it? You need not be possessive.’ Yes, he should not be possessive but you should not be so destructive.… Then love can grow.

Love is always beautiful in the beginning, but that is nothing, it is always so. When love is beautiful in the end it is really a rare flower, a very rare flower, and then you know exactly what love is... but only in the end do you know. Ninety-nine loves die before that ultimate peak is reached.

In the old world there was no love because the marriage was too tight. In the modern world there is no love because in the name of freedom people have become licentious. In the old world love could not grow because the marriage was too much of a legality. In the new world love is not growing because the marriage is almost nil – it is too licentious. Licence and legality both have to be avoided.

It is a great art to be in love. To fall in love is very easy, to remain in love is very difficult, arduous. Only a few artists of life are capable of remaining in love. Try it, give it a try! Be alert and make him alert. Good!

[The encounter group is present. One member says she saw a lot of games she plays, saw the gap between the games and herself.]

When you start seeing your game, your past says ‘Don’t see them, otherwise what are you going to do next?’ That is all that you know, those are the games you are clever in playing, you have invested much in those games, your whole life has been an investment in them! Now you start seeing them, your past will pull you down and will say ‘Don’t see. What is the point of seeing them? – because then what you will do?’ And we enjoy those games. We suffer but we enjoy too. If it were pure suffering there would be no problem – everybody would drop them – but it is not pure suffering. It is a mixed phenomenon: there is - enjoyment, there is pleasure.

So when you see a game, both things are there: you see the misery that comes out of it and you see the pleasure too. That’s why you are wavering: one part of you says that ‘What will happen to your pleasure?’ Yes, one part says to drop the misery but another says to protect the pleasure. And they are both together, you cannot separate them. They come in one package, they are one package. The misery and that pleasure are both two aspects of the same coin, so you either have to have both of them or you have to throw both of them. And it is possible that you may be enjoying them too much.

It happens at this age that the pleasure is more than the suffering. At a later age the balance changes: the suffering is more than the pleasure. Near about thirty-five the change starts – suffering becomes more and pleasure becomes less. By the time one has crossed sixty, it is all suffering; then it is very easy to drop. That’s why from ancient times only old people became religious. It becomes easier for them, they can see it; now it brings only misery and nothing else.

I can see that you must be enjoying the games; they must be your trip. But remember one thing: pleasure is not joy; pleasure is just a false substitute for joy. You think it is joy because you don’t know what joy is. Joy is a state of mind where pleasure and suffering are both absent. Once you

have known joy you will easily be ready to say ‘yes’, and to drop all these games. Right now you cannot drop them because you have not known any joy except this pleasure that comes through these games. That’s your only life experience. So I can understand it, it is understandable why the ‘no’ comes.

Your mind says ‘These are your games, these are your pleasures. Yes, there is a little suffering involved in them, but are you throwing the whole lot just because of the suffering? This will be like throwing the baby with the bath water, so save the baby and throw the bath water!’ But that is not possible – the baby and the bath water are together.

So try to see that the pleasure is not real pleasure. That which comes with suffering cannot be real pleasure, that which brings suffering cannot be real pleasure. Real pleasure has a purity, it knows nothing of suffering. But it is a totally different dimension. That’s the whole effort here: to help you to drop your games so you can attend to the pleasures of joy, not the pleasures of suffering.

Once you start seeing it, the ‘no’ comes but there is no need to listen to it. The ‘no’ is not your friend – don’t befriend it; it is your enemy. Release it!

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