10

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‌CHAPTER 10

10 March 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin says: For these last two years I was a musician... I play the piano.]

Very good. So my meditations will fit you; they will go very deep in you. If somebody has been interested in music he has already been in meditation unknowingly. Now the effort will become deliberate and conscious.

Music is a subtle meditation. People who become interested in music are really unknowingly moving in the same direction as a meditator. The pull is the same, the attraction is the same.

One is hankering for a harmonious unity, one is hankering for a silence but not a dead silence... a silence which has a song in it.

A real silence is always a singing silence. A real song is always, at the very heart of it, nothing but silence.

Music is a way to enter into that silence through sound. It is paradoxical but the whole life is paradoxical.

If you want to move into silence you have to move through sound. By and by the sound becomes more like soundlessness. And that is the whole art of music: to turn sound into soundlessness and then to turn soundlessness into infinite silence.

In China they say that whenever a musician is perfect he throws his instrument, whenever an archer is perfect he throws his bows and arrows.

It is said about one great archer that he became so great that he not only threw his bow and arrow; one day when he was very old he saw the bow and arrow at some friend’s house and asked what it

was! The friend could not believe it. He said, ‘So you have risen so high that you cannot recognise that this is a bow?’

This is the taoist attitude – that a technique has to be learned and then forgotten; then only the fragrance remains. The flower is gone, it bloomed, it faded away, but the fragrance is left.

When music is perfect no instrument is needed. One simply closes one’s eyes and it is there. When it is not perfect we need the help of the instrument to feel it. When one is in harmony there is no need for any harmonium. When the inner piano has started functioning all outer helps can be dropped. They are props, supports; good – without them it will be very difficult to move inwards.

You will find that you will very very at home with me. So you do a few groups and do the camp and participate wherever you feel like participating. The music group is there, the sufi dancing is there; participate and move according to your feeling.

[Osho suggests the musician do the leela intensive group]

‘Leela’ means playfulness, and playfulness is a keyThe mind tends to be serious. Playing music

the mind can become too serious about it; then you will miss! You may become a maestro but you will miss something valuable. You will become a perfect technician, expert, but the centre will be missing.

The centre evolves only when you learn how to be playful. Then there is no seriousness. One simply improvises as one goes; it is more childish, more child-like, more innocent.

Technique is needed but then one has to forget it.

Deva means divine, parigeet means a small song, a sonnet – a small divine song. That’s all one needs to be, and if one can be, that is more than enough. Not much is needed: just two small lines of beautiful song and that will do – a haiku; that will do. That is enough.that quenches all thirst.

Man is not thirsty for the oceans, man is only thirsty for a small song.

Once it descends into your being you are fulfilled. We go on rushing from many things and everywhere there is only frustration because we look in the wrong direction.

I call them four poisons: power, prestige, profit, pull. And we go on.Neither power nor prestige nor

profit nor pull – none of them can become a song. They can destroy a song but they cannot create a song; those are destructive ways to be.

A song needs a creative atmosphere, so sometimes it happens that the song arrives in a poor man’s heart because he is uncluttered. Yes, his heart is a very small hut, not a palace, but his doors are open. In fact he has nothing; why should he close the doors? He has nothing to lock; the song can steal in.

Sometimes it happens that a man who is a nobody suddenly feels the thrill of the divine because he is available, he is unoccupied. He is nobody so there is no preoccupation. He has nothing to do

with his mind; he is empty. In that emptiness, the contact. A person who is very much occupied with a thousand and one things is so full of thoughts that the sound cannot penetrate. There is no space in him; he has no heart space.

So if one remembers that one is here to sing a certain song that nobody else but you can sing... It is simply your song; only you can be articulate enough to manifest it, nobody else. If you die without singing it that song will remain unborn forever, and you will carry a guilt forever and forever.

That is the real guilt – that one could not be that which one was destined to be! One could not be oneself; that is the only guilt. All other guilts are pseudo-guilts created by the priests but the real authentic guilt is one: if you cannot be yourself, then you will feel guilty, guilty before yourself.

Not that there is going to be any judgement day and some some judge to judge you – there is nobody – but you will feel guilty in front of your own eyes. You will always shirk your own penetration, your own gaze. You will be afraid of looking into your own mirror: you will know that you have betrayed yourself.

And that song is almost ready. One just has to relax and it surfaces. It is not that you have to create it; it has come with you, it is you! You just have to allow it a chance. So become more and more unoccupied with non-essential things – that’s what sannyas is all about.

When you are not involved with the non-essential, the essential comes on its own, on its own accord. [A sannyasin, a psychologist, says: I don’t understand this question of violence going on in groups.]

You need not... you need not. It is your problem: if you don’t feel to go into a certain process, don’t go! If it is a problem, you are the first one who has brought it, so it must be that something is wrong with you.

Thousands of people have passed through those processes and they all are benefited by them, so nothing is wrong with the process; something is wrong with you. And the wrong is that you must be having some deep violence in you and you are afraid of it – afraid you can kill somebody. You want to kill the pillow because you are afraid that if you allow your violence you will not have any control over it. That’s your fear!

Only violent people become afraid of violence, and when they start projecting they think something is going wrong here. People should beat the pillows, but why pillows? They should just think in their mind that they are beating. Why should they use their hands? That too is violence. They should just think. Then by and by repression comes, why think at all? Because if you think about being violent, some day you can be! Then better repress that too! Be polite, be good, be non-violent; that’s what has been taught down through the ages.

For century after century non-violence has been taught to people – and people are violent! Those techniques have not helped anybody to come out of violence. Particularly in India we have witnessed the teaching at least for five thousand years – non-violence, non-violence – and even the people who teach non-violence are very violent people.

So the problem is that man has something violent in him, a natural violence. When you throw it on a pillow it is just so – so because nobody is really violent against pillows, people are violent against people.

In a better society if it were possibleFor example, if somebody is being violent in an encounter

group with a woman, if it were a real human society – as some day it can be – it would be better if her mother or his mother were there. He may be really violent against the mother.

Now this woman is again a pillow – a better pillow than a pillow, at least human, looks more like the mother, but still not exactly the mother. If the mother is there and if the child can hit the mother, even once, maybe all his violence will disappear.

Every child has wanted to hit the mother one time or other. Every child has been tortured, every child has suffered, and somehow it seems natural too because the mother has to prevent the child from doing many things. The child is going to be close to the fireplace; the mother has to prevent him. The child is going outside and it is dangerous on the road and the mother has to prevent him. The child wants to go and the mother hits him; that is the only way she knows how to prevent him. And still even psychologists have not been able to substitute better methods. So the child goes on, goes on, piling up violence against the mother or against the father; that violence is there.

Now a pillow is very far away, very far removed. If nothing can be done then okay, do it with the pillow; it will be better than doing nothing. But if you can find a woman who represents your mother in a subtle way maybe her face, her eyes, the way she talks, the way she sits reminds you of your mother and your violence arises – if you can hit this woman, your violence will disappear.

This woman is a part of the process and she is ready to help you because you are going to help her. She may be angry against her father or against her brother or against her husband and she may find a good object in you, so both can be helped.

A group is nothing but a helping situation in which every participant is trying to help each other; it is a mutual help group. They are creating situations for each other so something that is boiling within can be thrown out.

Now, it has to be true, then it goes deeper; otherwise it will not go deeper. And the only people who really are against it are the people who are carrying deep wounds and who are afraid that if they go into violence they may not be able to control. They may go too far: they may really kill somebody!

So it is not a question of the groups... never raise a question about anything. Whenever a question arises turn it inwards and make it a question about yourself; then you will grow. If you feel you don’t need groups because you feel that you are a loving person and you don’t have any violence. Finished!

Then it is for those who need it. Somebody must be needing otherwise why should they pay and be violent and suffer violence? They must be needing it. And they come out of it tremendously joyful – more than they have ever been before. They come out of it more human, more graceful. And you are the first to bring this up so the problem must be with you rather than with them.

And about me you need not figure anything out; you will not be able to. If you can figure out only your own inner map that is enough; take my help. Don’t try to figure me out otherwise you will be in trouble. I exist for thousands of people. Their needs are different so I exist in different ways to different people. Now if everybody wants to figure me out everybody will go mad! Just look at the part that helps you; that is enough for you. I am more than you need because I am needed by others also and I have something to give them too.

So just look at the aspect that you need: if you can figure out that aspect, that’s enough. But if you want to charter my whole territory you will go mad; you will not be able to decide anything. You will lose all clarity because I am contradictions. I have to be! For different people I am a different person: their needs differ so I become a different medicine for every person.

Always remember: whenever some problem arises turn it in, focus on yourself and look at it there.

Somebody comes, particularly Indians come, and they say, ‘This is not good! Somebody was hugging; a man was hugging a woman after the meditation. Why do you allow it?’ Now he is raising a question about me, just as you are, but his question is his! He must have very repressed sexuality. Otherwise why should he be worried?

Somebody is hugging a woman: the woman is not yours; he is not hugging you, she is not hugging you. You are not concerned at all, you are nobody in it; why should you be concerned and why get so enraged? And he is angry with me: ‘Why am I allowing this?’

He feels as if he has to dictate to me what I am to allow and what I am not to allow; then only will he be my disciple and everybody else has to go. Then I will be his master and he will be my disciple – finished! Then I cannot look after others’ needsAnd this is his problem!

In fact he is very repressed. In fact he wants to hug the woman himself but he is not capable, not courageous; now he is feeling jealous. He cannot see this happening: what he cannot do he cannot allow others to do. At least that much he can do – he can condemn. As others have condemned him he can condemn others: he has become moral, a moraliser.

Here, millions of people are going to come and all sorts of people. In fact never before on the earth have so many different types of people gathered around one person.

Buddha had a certain type of people; it was very easy to figure him out. Just one type, so everything was going well. Jesus had another type, a fixed type. With me it is very difficult – I have all sorts of people; it is really a miniature universe. All sorts of people are to be allowed and all sorts of methods will be here.

So whatsoever fits you go into it; if you don’t feel good get out of it, forget about it. It is not for you, that’s enough! You are not to decide about the whole thing, otherwise rather than helping yourself you will become an unnecessarily puzzled and confused person.

But I can see your problem. Your problem is that you have very subtle violence; you are afraid of it. But still there is no need that you should force yourself into these groups.

By and by doing other groups.… Do other groups where violence is not there. Do intensive enlightenment, sufi dancing meditation; and by and by you will become able one day to do these groups too.

[Many men here tell me that I frighten them. They feel like they’re going to fall into me... I feel I have something to work out in relationship but it isn’t happening.]

No, I understand, but a few things to be understood. First, you are strong and nothing is wrong in it! You have a very strong vibe, so somebody can feel that you can overpower them. You cannot feel your own vibe because you are that vibe; only others can feel it. You have a strong vibe and it is good. It is fortunate to have that strong a vibe.

So people will feel that once they fall in love with you they will be no more: they will be taken off their feet...

... Because whenever you are in love everybody feels that he has been taken off his feet. But the total result will be that you will be stronger unless you really find a very strong man. And you will not love that man because when a man has very strong vibes those vibes are violent and when a woman has very strong vibes those vibes are very loving. So you will not love that man!...

... You will not love him because he will be very antagonistic, he will be very crude, very primitive.

And you will like him for a few days but you will suppress yourself, you will have to, and you will feel that something is very crude, primitive, gross.

So you cannot be really in love with a very gross man and only the gross man will not be afraid of you!

And ordinarily a soft man will feel afraid. You have a strong vibe...

To you my suggestion is that you float; don’t try to settle with anybody...

Simply float... And that is the way for your growth. If you want to settle, it is difficult to settle with a person who has not strong vibes...

And stop trying to be soft: just be yourself. You try because you have a little fear that people say that you are strong. So you try on your part; that creates a division in your being. You need not try – simply be yourself; that’s how you are.

Some day somebody who really wants to dissolve into a woman will love you. But don’t try to make out that you are not strong... Don’t try that.

Simply be the way you are and be floating. If a relationship exists for a few days, good; when it disappears, let it go.

... It is perfectly good. Don’t think of it in terms of frustration. You will be more frustrated if you get fixed into a relationship.

It is not good for you at all. There are a few people for whom a fixed relationship is good, there are a few people for whom a fixed relationship is never good.

... So just enjoy floating.

And as I see everything is perfectly going good. Sooner or later you will find very many loving people because there are people who want to dissolve too.

Sometimes it happens that a person who really wants to dissolve becomes afraid... and he really wants to dissolve. Because each man is really seeking the mother. One wants to dissolve almost in the womb of the woman, wants to be completely enveloped. That’s why the fear that if it really happens, then? So because of the desire the fear comes.

Just remain yourself. When they say something, you say, ‘Yes, that’s how it is. I am a strong woman and I exist only for those who want to dissolve and disappear in me.’

In the East we have really found that a woman is both life and death. The symbol of Kali.She

is dancing on the chest of her husband; she has killed the husband by dancing. She is carrying a garland of skulls: all are her lovers. So many lovers she has killed and finished and yet she is one of the most beautiful phenomenon – Hindus call her mother – the most beautiful and the most terrible.

Christianity has the right word for it; they call it ‘mysterious tremendous’: mysterious, very mysterious, but very terrible also, tremendous also. Love and fear both together.

So whenever there is a real woman something of the Kali exists in her. Men will be attracted and men will be afraid too. But enjoy it, be a Kali; nothing to be worried about.

And that’s how you are going to grow. Kill as many lovers as you can, right? (laughter)

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