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‌CHAPTER 10

10 October 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Anand means bliss, wajid is a Sufi word. It means intense yearning for god, a total longing for god, a passionate longing for god – not just a desire. A desire becomes a longing when you are ready to risk all for it. Even life seems to be less valuable than it.

Desires serve life; a life serves a longing. A longing is higher than life – one can die for it. Desires are many – longing can only be one, because it needs your total energy, it needs you as you are in your totality. You cannot withhold any part of yourself, you cannot move into it cautiously, cleverly, calculatingly. It has to be a mad jump. That is the meaning of ‘wajid’, and only a wajid arrives.

Unless god is your only desire, god is not going to happen. When all desires become one desire, that moment of intensity is the moment of meeting. God is always available but unless we are totally for it we are not tuned to its being. Our totality gives us a tuning and suddenly the music is there. The music has always been there but we were not tuned.

And man is very fragmentary: one desire taking you to the north, another to the south and all desires taking you in all directions and driving you mad. Hence people never reach anywhere – it is not possible – because a part moves in this direction, a part moves in another direction, to the diametrically opposite. How can you arrive? To arrive your totality will be needed. That’s why you see people dragging. They don’t have any intensity of life; it is not possible. They are leaking in many directions – they cannot have that energy.

Wajid means one who is absolutely longing for god and is ready to risk all. But this longing has to be very blissful; one should not be doing it in a serious way, because the moment you become serious, you become tense. One’s longing has to be and has to be intense but not tense at all. It has to be playful, it has to be cheerful, it has to be with laughter and dance and singing. It has not to become a duty. You are not obliging god or anybody – you are simply living the way you want to live;

hence you are blissful. This is the way you have chosen to live, this is the way you want to become aflame... but it has to be a dancing flame.

If these two things are fulfilled, god is available any moment. These are the two requirements.

Sati means remembrance, and samma means right. The full name will mean ‘right remembrance’. God is not lost but only forgotten. We are not to search and seek for god; we have only to remember. It is already known at the deepest core of our being. We have to allow it to come to the surface. The remembrance is like a seed in the unconscious: we have to help it to grow into a tree so that its branches start reaching to our conscious mind. And that’s what sannyas is all about: a device to help you remember god.

The basic thing to be understood is that god is not lost. In the very nature of things we cannot lose him. We are in it, we are it. There is no possible way to lose contact with god – all that we can do is to forget him. But even when we are in a state of forgetfulness he is there. Right now he is there... Looking at me through you.

Looking at you through me, breathing in you, breathing in me... because only god is. God is equivalent to existence... god always is. We can forget – that freedom is allowed – but any moment that we decide, we can remember.

It is just as sometimes it happens that you see a person and you remember that you know him, that you have known him before. You recognise him perfectly, you even remember that you know his name, but the name is not coming up. You say ‘It is almost on the tip of my tongue.’ You know it is there but still it is not coming. That is exactly the case with god: it is there on the tongue – a few devices are needed to help you so that it is released from the unconscious. And the best way to release it from the unconscious is to be in a let-go.

If you try too hard to remember the name of the person you think you know and have forgotten, it will be impossible. The more you try, the more tense you will become. It is better to go into the garden, to start thinking of the trees and the butterflies and the flowers, or to lie down on the grass and just look at the blue sky, and suddenly it pops up.

Exactly like that god happens: it pops up. And all that I teach here is how to relax, how to play, how to allow your life to be fun. When you are really in a playful mood, relaxed, it pops up.

Deva means divine, sukho means joy – divine joy.

It needs nothing to be joyful – life is enough, in fact, more than enough. If we listen, see, love, a spontaneous joy starts arising. Seeing the stars in the night or the flowers in the garden or the birds on the wing, if one can be silent, just alert, watchful, with no thought interfering, then a joy arises of its own accord. It needs no conditions to be fulfilled.

The worldly happiness needs many conditions to be fulfilled, and because it is conditional it is temporal. When the condition disappears, the happiness disappears. It is managed, produced, manufactured. But the divine joy is not manufactured; it is a revelation. You are just a witness to it. It does not come out of any effort – in fact it comes out of tremendous effortlessness. For it to happen one has to be almost feminine, soft, sensitive, welcoming; one has to be like a womb.

That is the whole teaching of Tao and of Zen... and I teach nothing but Tao and Zen – of course, in a totally new way because times have changed and each ancient truth needs to be reborn. It needs a new body, a new garment, a new formulation. That’s what I call a resurrection. So what is happening here is a resurrection of all that is true, beautiful, good. It is a renaissance.

Feel happy that you are becoming part of this great milieu. Each sannyasin has to contribute much, because we are trying to materialise a great dream, a dream in which East and West can meet, a dream in which all religions can meet, a dream in which the earth can become our home – undivided, without conflict and war, without nations and races and colour divisions.

Sannyas is a vision of a new world. Rightly understood it contains all that is beautiful from the past and all that is going to be beautiful in the future. It is a turning point. So be glad that you are also becoming part of something which is almost impossible but which still can happen.

[A new sannyasin says that he’s been listening to his inner voice – he’d like to know if this is the way: to follow his own voice.]

Mm mm. Wait a little – go through a few groups. Go on listening to your inner voice. It has to be verified. It is still vague and confused; it will need much purification. But now you have come to the right place where it can be purified. And soon you will be able to follow it absolutely. Go on listening to it. But before I say to follow it, wait, because right now you cannot make a distinction between which is really the inner voice and which is just the mind playing a game – they will both appear inner. And the mind is very cunning; it can deceive you. So soon you will be able to separate the mind from the inner voice.

Right now go on listening but there is no need to follow; right now you have to follow me. For at least three months just be absolutely in my hands; then you will be able. I will tell you exactly when the time has come, then you can follow. Everyone has to come to that point from which one starts following one’s own inner voice.

The function of the master is that – to help you to find and crystallise your inner being. The master is saying exactly the same thing that your inner voice will say. The master is just a mirror: he reflects your inner being.

So when you are with a master listen to the master, follow him, and he will make you ready one day. Then you can move alone.…

[Prem Wajdo – finding the love which has been lost.]

In any energy field all that is going to happen is a flowering of love. And the moment your love flower has bloomed, you are fulfilled. Then there is utter contentment and a beautiful silence. One starts feeling at home in existence. That is the meaning of experiencing god: to feel that utter benediction, the contentment of being at ease, of being at home... all conflict is gone, all struggle has disappeared; one is no more fighting. One is just in a tremendous energy of love, overflowing, sharing.…

Deva means divine, and sufi means ‘a seeker who is moving on the path of love.’ God cannot be known through knowledge; knowledge is utterly meaningless. God can only be known through love.

The way to god goes through the heart. It needs only an innocent heart, and you have it! And it is beautiful that your heart is still like a small child... it is rare.

The head is carrying many burdens, but that is irrelevant. The head is full of knowledge but that is not going to create any trouble for you because your heart is still throbbing with great energy; it can easily dominate the head. Once you allow the heart it will become the master and the head will become the servant. It can become it this very moment.

Be glad that god is not very far away from you – just by the corner – and a small change, a very small change is needed. You have to shift your focus from the head to the heart, that’s all. So feel the heart more and more, and do things that nourish the heart – music, painting, poetry, sculpture, nature – anything that nourishes the heart. And when sitting silently, move to the heart, be there. Desert the head as many times as possible during the day. The head is only a mechanism – very useful, has to be used. It has great utility but it is not the master of the house. And the master of the house is not dead.

There are many people whose hearts are almost dead and it takes years of work to make their hearts beat again in the spiritual sense. Physiologically they are beating, spiritually, dead. But you are fortunate: your heart is spiritually alive too. And you have come to me in the right moment. Something is very imminent. If you don’t get frightened it is going to happen!

[A new sannyasin says: When I took sannyas I felt very easy about it, and now I have doubts about whether I even have the right to be a a sannyasin; I do not think I am a real seeker.]

It happens sometimes, because people live very accidental lives. They don’t know what they are doing and why they are doing it. Now you are becoming a little aware. It is a good sign, a good indication that you have started reflecting about yourself – about what you have done, why you have done it. And when one starts enquiring into one’s acts, commitments, directions, goals, great confusion arises. To avoid that confusion many people never think about what they are doing; they simply go on doing. From one thing to another they simply go on jumping, so there is no time left. Tired, they fall asleep; early in the morning they start chasing shadows again. That goes on and on and one day they die without knowing who they were and what they were doing exactly and why.

This is a good indication. This is something that has happened – through sannyas, and it is not only about sannyas – now you will be hesitating about everything. It is the beginning of wisdom. Only stupid people never hesitate. Wise people hesitate. Just see that this is one of the gifts of sannyas and many more gifts are on the way. This is a great gift – that you have become reflective, started thinking why you have done this and whether you want to be a sannyasin or not.

Nothing to be worried about. Remain open, and whatsoever you decide is good. If you want to remain a sannyasin, good; if you don’t want to remain a sannyasin, good. But just be alert, whatsoever you do, otherwise you will leave sannyas and next day you will start thinking ‘Why have I left it?’ This happens every day.

One woman from Holland came just two, three days ago. She took sannyas, she went to Holland and there she started hesitating... must have become afraid. People must have started laughing and ridiculing or thinking she has gone crazy. She returned the mala, but then she started feeling

very bad about it, about what she had done, so she rushed to get the mala back! Now this is just absurd.

So just let things happen in a cool way. Go home; if you feel that you have done something wrong, that it has been something that is hanging like a weight on you rather than making you able to be more free and growing – if you feel that your sannyas is like a rock hindering your growth – drop it! But don’t be in a hurry, because it is not a rock, and you will repent. In fact this insight is also part of it, and many more insights will be coming.

So be cool, be silent, and never be in a hurry about any decision. Maybe you have taken sannyas in a hurry; now at least remember not to drop it in a hurry. Mm, you have committed one mistake; now don’t commit the second! (LAUGHTER)

But if you decide to leave, there is no problem – you can leave. Just remember one thing: the second time I am very difficult about giving sannyas. The first time I am very easy, because the first time that you come, you come innocent. The second time you have thought over it, have calculated, and you have become cunning, and now you see that you have done something wrong and you feel guilty and all kinds of things, and then you ask again.But you are not reliable then.

So just wait. If you decide in a cool way to drop out, you can drop out; nobody is hindering you. But drop it in such a way that you don’t repent, that’s all. Give it full consideration. And if one gives it full consideration I cannot see the point of why one should drop it, because it is not a bondage; it is a freedom.

Yes, it will create a few problems, but any man or woman of any worth takes problems as challenges. Don’t be a coward. Accept the challenges and you will always be benefited. Whenever a challenge is accepted, you grow; whenever you escape from a challenge and hide you prevent your growth. Maturity comes through experience of all kinds – of pain, of pleasure, of sorrow, of agony, of ecstasy, of joy. One has to go through all kinds of experiences, then slowly slowly one falls into a togetherness.

So there will be problems; I am not saying there will not be problems. In fact, that’s why I give you sannyas: to create new problems for you that you have never faced before. Now back in a world where sannyas will be thought of as something crazy you will be facing something continuously, every moment. And that very encounter will make you integrated, centred. So it is up to you: if you want to grow, remain in it; if you feel growth is too painful and it is safer not to grow, then it is your decision. Sannyas was your decision, so dropping out of it is going to be your decision.

But don’t be worried about it – let things happen silently, coolly.

[A sannyasin says she has a fear of being in a situation where she can’t move and she will get suffocated.]

It will go. It has something to do with your birth – it is a birth trauma. Just passing through the mother’s womb you got very suffocated and that fear has persisted in your being – it has followed you like a shadow, it has been the root cause of all your nightmares. It can be dropped if you go backwards and you relive the birth trauma. It is possible. It will be dropped, but it can be dropped only if you relive it, otherwise it will continue and haunt you for your whole life.

Almost every child gets frightened, but sometimes the situation is such that a few children get very frightened. Sometimes the birth canal is too small, narrow, and the child is too big. You must have been a healthy child and the mother’s birth canal must have been narrow. And because of that narrow passage, great damage can happen.

So in any situation where you are cornered, the memory of birth will be revived. You will become nervous and your breathing will start stopping, your body will become very tight and steel-like and you will not be able to move. But this will go – do these few groups; it is bound to go. No need to worry.

[A sannyasin says: Last year after some groups I did some healing, and I wondered if I should continue that or not; it’s up to you.]

The energy is there... and it will be good for other people but will not be good for you to use it in healing. It will be a wastage for you. For the people you help, it will be good – the energy is there, but it is not overflowing; it is just the right amount.

When the energy is overflowing you can help people and you will not lose anything, because it will be overflowing anyway – whether you use it in healing or not. Then it is good to use it in healing. But your energy is just the right amount that you need for your own growth. The cup is full but not overflowing. If the cup is not full, the person cannot heal. If the cup is full the person can heal but at a personal loss. If the cup is overflowing the person can heal without any personal loss.

So I will not suggest that you go into healing – not right now at least. After six months remind me again. Maybe the energy will become overflowing, then you can move into it. You have the potential to become a healer but this is not the time. Sometimes it happens that people start healing because it helps others; but then you will be losing energy and sooner or later you will be in danger because this will be a dissipation of the energy.

So never try. Wait six months – do something else – and after six months remind me again. I will check.

If I see that it is overflowing, then healing is the best thing for you to do, but we will have to see. Nothing can be decided right now. Good!

[A sannyasin asks if he should continue studies started a year ago in natural medicine. He had rheumatism and the effort to help himself caused an interest in the subject.]

Just to study because of this is meaningless. You can take the advice of any doctor – why bother about it? Just for this, studying is meaningless... too much of a wastage of time. Any expert can suggest to you what to do. And to experiment on your own is always dangerous. You will be an amateur experimenting on your own body. The greater possibility is that you will be disturbing the body rather than helping it, because it is a delicate phenomenon. It is better to go to some experienced person and take his advice.

If everybody starts doing that – his car is leaking or something and he becomes a car mechanic and studies car mechanisms – that will be sheer wastage; then one’s life will be gone! When your tap is

leaking and you become a plumberJust because of the rheumatic problem you need not study –

unless you have some great desire to study natural medicine and you have some inclination to go into it; then it is a totally different matter. So you decide about it.

If it is only because of the body, the body can be taken care of by the experts. If you love natural medicine, you can go to a natural physician; that’s not a problem. And it is far better to be under some expert. But if you feel that it is good for your inner growth, and you have a love for it, then continue. If you love anything, I am always for it.

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