CHAPTER 30
31 January 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium
Prem means love and veeta means that which transcends – love that transcends all – conditions, demands, expectations. It is not only that love transcends those things but finally love transcends itself too. Only then does it arrive, because unless love transcends love itself, it remains mingled with hatred. It remains poisoned with anger, possessiveness; it carries the colour of violence. So the ultimate flowering of love is very paradoxical because in that flowering it transcends itself too. I say paradoxical because in transcending itself, it becomes itself.
Then it is no more a relationship; it becomes a state of being... not that you love somebody but that you are love. Your love is no more addressed to anybody in particular; you simply diffuse love by your being, wherever you are. If there is nobody and you are alone, the love is still there. It vibrates around you unaddressed. It is like a lamp burning in the night: nobody is there but still it goes on throwing light. Or it is like a flower in the wilderness: nobody is going to pass, nobody will praise the fragrance, it will not touch anybody’s nostrils, but the fragrance is released.
When love becomes like a fragrance, when it is no more a relationship, it has transcended. In that moment, love is god. That’s what Jesus means when he says ‘God is love’ – this going beyond, this transcendence.
[A sannyasin says she has a pain in the liver area when moving. Osho checks her energy.]
Just take acupuncture; it will go, mm? It has something to do with your body energy. Some energy channels which have not been functioning before are functioning now. It is a good indication: you are becoming more energy-full. But when the energy moves into a channel which has not been used for long, it creates pain. So there is no need to be worried; just take acupuncture.
[A visitor asks why, in the last six years, she has problems relating: I don’t feel accepted by anyone.
Osho assigns her some groups.]
And this is not a problem that only you are having – almost everybody has it. It is a paradigm of the modern mind, the whole modern mind suffers from it. It simply shows that you are modern!
The modern mind has been taught to be very egoistic and two egos are always in conflict. When you are in relationship with somebody he has his ego and you have your ego. Each is trying to dominate the other and nobody can accept domination, everybody hates it. And because domination is rejected, you feel you are rejected. You are not rejected really; only your behaviour is rejected and that behaviour is unconscious. You have to become conscious of the behaviour and then things can be changed. If you are rejected then nothing can be done because you cannot be changed. You can be reprogrammed. And we all have wrong programmings.
One thing that must be there is a very great desire that the other should accept you; that very desire is a disturbance. There is no need to bother about it. Enjoy being with the other; you need not accept him, he need not accept you, and still you can love each other. But we think that love is possible only when we are accepted totally; love is bigger than acceptance. In fact, if the other accepts you totally, love will disappear because in that acceptance you will no more be separate from him; you will become a shadow, you will lose your individuality. Each has his uniqueness. That uniqueness need not be accepted by the other and still that uniqueness can be loved.
[Osho gives her sannyas]
This will be your new name, and with this new name miracles will start happening. People will immediately accept you and many will fall in love. (chuckling) A few have already fallen! (laughter) This will be your name: Ma Prem Raja. Prem means love, raja means kingdom – kingdom of love. And the basic thing that I would like you to understand is for you to love yourself. That is the basic thing, because if you don’t love yourself then nobody else can. And I have a feeling that somewhere deep down you reject yourself. If you reject yourself then everybody is bound to reflect it. Think of people as mirrors. What you see in them may not be in them, it may be just your reflection. Don’t destroy the mirror if the mirror says that you are sad; change yourself. The mirror is innocent. All relationships are mirrors. My feeling is that you reject yourself, you don’t love yourself totally, you have many things against yourself. You are a perfectionist: you want things to be perfect and they are not, so you feel a deep hatred... and that will be reflected in everybody’s eyes.
First accept yourself totally as you are. Every morning say ‘I am beautiful and I am lovely. This is the way god wants me to be and I need not improve.’
[Osho asks a smiling visitor about sannyas. He replies: I want to wait till I feel it.]
You are feeling it right now. You can’t deceive me! (laughter) If you want to wait to think about it that is another thing. As far as feeling is concerned, you are feeling it right now. Your heart is saying yes; only your mind is a little shaky. It is not a question of feeling; it is just a question of thinking. The mind wants to be convinced, wants to rationalise, wants to decide, pros and cons. It is the mind, it is not your feeling centre. The feeling is there; in fact, only when the feeling comes do you start thinking, otherwise nobody thinks. The feeling has already entered, the heart is already throbbing.
The mind is holding back. And you are saying just the opposite. You can think – that is not a problem; you can think for a few days but it is not a question of feeling at all. And there is every possibility the mind may destroy this beautiful feeling that is there.
My own suggestion always is that if you are going to do something wrong, think about it as much as you can. Then you will never do it because thinking never allows anything to be done; thinking is impotent. That’s why thinkers have never done much in the world. Mm ?... this is a misfortune: the non-thinkers do everything and the thinkers don’t do anything. That’s why the world is m such a mess.
If you are going to do something wrong – you are getting angry; violent, wanting to kill somebody or commit suicide – wait and think about all the pros and cons too, and you will be saved from the trouble. If you want to do something good – falling in love, sharing some joy with somebody, singing a song – then don’t think about it, go into it. There is no point in thinking, because thinking is not a higher centre than feeling and the lower cannot decide about the higher. You are asking the servant to decide for the master. The heart is the master and the mind is just a servant. As a servant the mind is great. But as a master, if it pretends to be the master, it is very dangerous.
But if you want to think you are free to. My problem is if I look at your heart then the signal is there: ‘give sannyas’; if I look at your head then the head says ‘no’ – so you are confusing me!...
That’s everybody’s problem. There is a disparity between the heart and the mind, a gap, and it seems an almost unbridgeable gap.
[Society neglects the heart and trains the mind, Osho says. It prepares you for the struggle for survival. You survive, but your soul is lost.]
Jesus says, ‘What does a man gain if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?’ Nothing is gained. Alexander dies a poor man, utterly poor, like a beggar. Buddha is a beggar and dies like an emperor. It is so paradoxical. Yes, I see that that is the problem but there are two ways to go beyond it: either do something so it becomes a breakthrough, or go on solving it. But if you go on trying to solve it you will again be supporting the head, because that very effort will be of the head; it will be strengthening the head.
This is what sannyas is all about: it is a breakthrough. You simply put the head aside and jump. It is a mad decision; it is deciding by the heart, not listening to the head. In that very decision, something changes in you, something is no more the same. The heart has regained its glory. At least you have done one thing according to the heart. Fall in love and you have done something according to the heart. But even when you fall in love you think about it, about whether this will be financially okay, whether this love affair will be stable. You think of a thousand and one things – security, finance, prestige and other things – anything except love.
Start doing things which have nothing to do with the head, and slowly slowly you will slip into the heart. From there things have a different vision; the whole vantage point changes, the angle changes. It remains the same world but you are no more the same, hence the world also is no more the same.
So what should I do? Should I allow you to think or should I give you sannyas?
You can close your eyes and say yes or no and that will finish the thing. Just close your eyes... [The visitor says: My head is very strong.]
But then you have decided no. That is how we remain the same. If you don’t decide, I will not give you sannyas, so you have decided in favour of no. But why not decide it deliberately and consciously? At least one thing will be conscious, that you have said no. And you are deciding.
There is no way to avoid decision. In life you have to decide each moment; even when you decide not to decide, that is a decision. Now you are simply befooling yourself that you are not deciding because it is a battle. But you have decided indirectly, and when you decide indirectly, you are in the hands of the unconscious. Then you are a victim. Be more conscious!
If you think that fifty-one percent is saying no and forty-nine percent is saying yes, then say no! Nothing to be worried about. The yes will be coming; we will wait.
Say no! But say it deliberately and taking in the whole implications of no, that you are deciding in favour of the head. About all these implications one should be alert. On one hand you want to get into the feeling par and on the other you go on deciding with the head part. That’s why many people go on destroying themselves with confusion. But good: wait and think.
[A sannyasin says: It’s as if my feelings get caught up in my head; I feel really bound by my head.]
Just do a small thing: Whenever you see that there is any conflict between the head and the heart, always follow the heart and you will never be wrong. Although the mind will say that you are always wrong, you won’t be. Wrong and right are head categories. The heart knows nothing of wrong and right. It is a natural, spontaneous response. Nothing is wrong and nothing is right at the centre of the heart; all is okay – there is no division.
You have to shift your energies towards the heart, and in small things, but those small things become of great significance. You are going to do something; your heart says one thing, the head says another thing. Immediately put the head aside and go with the heart. It will not be easy because the head will shout at you and will drag you, but simply don’t listen; simply go with the heart whatsoever the consequences. Suffer, but go with the heart. The head will say, ‘Look, I told you. Now you are suffering.’ But then too, it is better to suffer with the heart than to be comfortable with the head.