24

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‌CHAPTER 24

25 January 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin says: Help me to surrender.]

How to surrender? You need not do it; it will happen, it is happening. The question arises because it is happening. You would like to have it happen fast but that cannot be done; it comes in its own time. One has to wait and be patient. There are things which cannot be done at all. Surrender is one of those things. It is like love: what can you do to love? When it happens, it happens; when it visits, it visits. You cannot manipulate it. There is no way to control its coming and going. One is utterly helpless, and wherever we are not helpless, things are mundane. One can manage money, power, politics. prestige, respectability; all these things can be managed – they are small things. The ego is perfectly capable of doing those things. But there are things which are beyond the ego, beyond the mind: love, surrender, prayer, god. You can simply open yourself and wait. When it comes, be thankful; when it doesn’t come, don’t complain.

It is coming. I can see its first rays reaching to you. Soon it will be there. In fact a person only asks how to surrender when something has started happening, and one feels it, one enjoys the delight that it brings and one wants more of it, one becomes greedy. And that’s natural. When you feel the serenity that comes through small surrender, partial surrender, a fragmentary surrender, the joy that it brings, the peace that surrounds it, one naturally thinks ‘If it is there totally then I will not be lacking anything, nothing will be missed. There will be fulfillment.’

[A sannyasin says: So much has happened to me in London. I seem to go through so many different things each day that everything is just really confused. Then moments of clarity come and... ]

Stop calling those moments, ‘moments of confusion’. That is a condemnation, and that very condemnation creates the problem. There are moments of clarity, moments of unclarity, and both are good, both are needed. A few things grow through clarity and a few things grow only through

unclarity. And you will be surprised to know that things that grow through clarity are not as valuable as the things that grow through unclarity. Unclarity is the mystery of life. Clarity is tiny; unclarity is infinite. Clarity is just like this small lighted place (of Chuang Tzu Auditorium), unclarity is the whole cosmos and its darkness. Clarity is just like a clearing in a forest: you can manage a small clearing, but beyond that is the forest. And the real life is there in the forest. The child needs the womb to grow, because the womb is dark and mysterious. The seed needs the soil to grow: it has to go deep into the soil, it disappears into the darkness. Keep it in the light and it will never grow; the clarity will kill it.

Those moments that you call ‘moments of clarity’ belong to your conscious mind, and those that you call ‘moments of confusion’, and I am calling ‘moments of unclarity’, belong to your unconscious, and the unconscious is vast. If you call it confusion, you are already against it; you have made a judgement. Use words very carefully; they mean much. Even meaningless words mean much, because they decide the trend, attitude, approach and vision. Just think: if you call it unclarity, you are not against it. You have not taken any standpoint, you are simply stating a fact. Call it confusion and you have already decided that this is something bad, a kind of illness, something that has to be got rid of; you have to be free of it. You have chosen!

And be careful about other words that we use, because those words carry the taboos and repressions of centuries. Confusion is a condemnatory word invented by the logical mind, and the logical mind is a very small, mediocre mind. The real belongs to the illogical. Love will come out of the illogical. Calculation is of logic, but love is not. Cleverness, cunningness is of logic, but tears and laughter are not of logic; they come from within beyond.

Remain open to it. And be in deep acceptance, cherish it. When those moments of unclarity are there, enjoy them. They make life mysterious.…

That resistance has to be understood and dropped. And I am not saying to repress your resistance. If you repress your resistance it will not go, it will grow. I am saying to try to understand it. In that very understanding you will see.

And be very particular about words. Watch what words you use and what connotations the words have. Start using more and more words which have no connotations, which are non-judgmental, and great will be the pay-off. Non-judgmental words have to be used, factual words have to be used, not loaded with emotion and conditioning. Just call it confusion and it is one thing; call it unclarity, it is another. Call it mysteriousness and now the whole quality has changed; now you would like it to come more often. It is your poetry, it is your dance, it is the very source of your life.

It is from that unknown that life springs and one day again moves back to. The seed is deep underground, then the tree comes and blooms. One day the tree is gone, the blooming is gone, and again everything has entered the womb of the earth. So is our life: we come and go. From where we come, we don’t know; to where we go, we don’t know. One can never know, and it is good that one can never know. If all is known then life will be just a boredom; if all is clear, all is meaningless. Then all becomes obvious; there is nothing to explore.

It is going to happen – just be a little more watchful.

[A sannyasin asks: How do I get respect from other people?]

The desire is not a good desire; it is a wrong desire, and if you follow it your whole life will become a desert. Ask how to get love from people, not respect. Respect is ugly, love is beautiful. And there is a world of difference. When somebody loves you, he is not humiliated; he stands equal to you. When you ask for respect that means you are higher, holier, and he is lower, a sinner. Never ask for respect.

Even if people give respect to you, you will never feel nourished by it, because respect is a synthetic food; love is real food. The need is for love, not for respect. You are misunderstanding your desire, you are misinterpreting your heart. You need love, just as one needs food. The body depends on food, the soul depends on love; but love is risky and respect is non-risky. Love is dangerous, because to get love you will have to give love; there is no other way – you will have to be loving. A loving person is always in danger, insecurity. Love is a kind of madness, it is a kind of intoxication. Where it will lead, nobody knows; it is a wild phenomenon.

Respect is controllable, and in respect you need not give love. You have just to create certain qualities which people think are respectable. You have to be true to your word and people will respect you. You have to be consistent in your character and people will respect you. You have to be dependable and people will respect you. In short, you have to be predictable and people will respect you. Now these things you can do on your own; you need not get involved with anybody. You can develop your character, you can create an armour around you, you can be very consistent, although consistent people always remain mediocre. But mediocres get respect. The more mediocre a person, the more possibility of getting respect.

The genius is always in danger. Jesus was not respected by people, otherwise why should they crucify him? He was insulted, not respected, because he had no desire to be consistent, he had no desire to be respectable. He was non-calculating, he was uncunning. He simply lived his life lovingly and got into danger, into trouble. He was just thirty-three when he was crucified; he had not even lived his youth, he was just growing. But he lived the life of rebellion. Love is rebellious! Socrates was not respected. He was loved by a few people and hated by many, but not respected. Otherwise why should they have poisoned him?

Down the ages, whenever there is an intelligent man, people don’t like him, because his very intelligence brings the future and people cling to the past. His very intelligence disrupts the social order. The confirmed, the conventional, the traditional is in danger because of his presence.

If you want to be respectful, you want to be respected, you will have to settle with the past. You will have to do what people want you to do. Then you cannot do your own thing. If you want to do your own thing, then nobody knows... But only by doing your own thing will you be happy. Respectable people are never happy they are a miserable lot. How can they be happy? – because they have never been true to themselves. They have always been looking into people’s eyes and following hints: if people want this they will do that. That is the birth of a politician. The politician is continuously thinking of how to be respected by people. He has to commit suicide, he has to die to his own being, he has to become a hypocrite, he has to pretend.

No, please don’t ask this question. That question will lead you into death, not into life, and I help people towards more life, abundant life. Love is a value; respect is not a value at all. And I am not saying that if you love, people will not respect you; I am not saying that. A few people will respect

you, people who are really intelligent will respect you. But that is not your desire, that is just a spin-off. That is not your motive, you were not searching for it.

A few people respected Jesus, respected him as a god, and a few people respected Socrates also, as they had never respected anybody else. A few people will respect you but that should not be your motive. Just see the point: if you are loving, if you live your own life, then only a very few people will respect you. But those are the few whose respect is valuable, because they will be the intelligent, the rebellious, the artistic, the talented. People who are really alive will respect you. Their respect means something. And if you ask for respect then many people will respect you, but their respect means nothing, because they don’t mean anything.

So simply cancel that desire, kill it in the bud, otherwise you are moving towards becoming a politician. And that’s the distinction I make between politics and religion. A religious person lives his own life. If people feel it is good, they respect him; if they feel it is not good, they disrespect him. But that is no more a consideration; that is their problem. ‘I live my life; now it is your problem whether you respect me or not, whether you love me or not. That is secondary.’ A few people will love you. Don’t be concerned with respect, otherwise you will be too worried about your character, otherwise you will start imbibing qualities, traditional qualities.

I teach rebellion, I teach characterlessness, I teach freedom. A really free man has no character. Each moment he responds anew. He does not carry a character in the head, he does not carry a programme, he does not consult the programme. A situation arises – he responds to it. He is responsible, he responds with his totality, but not according to a certain idea that he has been carrying of how one should behave. He has no how. He behaves in this moment. Next moment will decide again. He has no permanent decision, he does not live out of conclusions. Each moment is given freedom. Life decides. He has not a blueprint that he should do this and should say that and should be like this. He has no shoulds; he has burned all commandments. He looks into life and lets things happen. And there is no repentance, he never feels guilty, because there is no idea to make him feel guilty.

I can make you joyous, I can make you loving! But respect is a dirty word.

[A sannyasin says she is feeling scared of aloneness. She is not in a relationship: I like it and I don’t like it.]

That time when you will be able to be alone will also come, but that time has not come yet. So like or dislike it, you will have to be with somebody. Aloneness is possible only when one is really mature, and nothing can be done for that maturity immediately. Maturity comes by and by, when you live with people and you suffer and you enjoy also. By so many experiences of relationship, one day it dawns in one’s consciousness that one is enough alone, that there is no need to depend on others, that aloneness is not a kind of negative space but a deep fulfillment, that aloneness is beautiful that there is benediction in it. But that comes only after you have passed through many hells and purgatories... then only. You cannot jump to heaven; the way to heaven goes through hell. You have to pass through hell; that is the school – it trains you for heaven. So don’t be in a hurry, otherwise you will be in misery.

It is better to be related and miserable than to be miserable and alone. That is the only choice right now: miserable alone or miserable together. But when you are miserable together it is better; at

least you can throw the responsibility on the other! (laughter) When you are absolutely alone, where to throw the responsibility? You carry the whole burden... not even somebody to share it! When you are miserable with somebody you can find causes, explanations why the misery is there. When you are alone there is no reason and no cause, so the mind feels very very unoccupied and the misery looks so on-going, eternal.

Right now choose that misery, the other kind, mm? that people call relationship. It is a necessary evil to pass through. And one day you will be able to pass beyond it but right now the moment has not come. When it has come you will not feel misery at all in being alone, you will feel on top of the world. There is no joy compared to that, no relationship can bring that joy. A relationship always remains a mixed phenomenon: a few moments of joy and many more of misery. That is the cost one has to pay for those few moments of joy. But if you are alone right now, even those few moments will not be there; it will be just misery and misery and one feels monotonous. When you are with somebody, at least misery changes colours, shapes, forms. In the morning it was one thing, in the evening it is something else. It is misery all the same (chuckling) but it changes! So you find some poor fellow(much laughter) Mm? Start looking!

[A sannyasin groupleader says he is disturbed about a suicide which occurred early that morning: I asked myself today, ‘Was I not with you? Were you not with me?’ I don’t know.]

I am with you continuously, but sometimes you lose track of me. But that is natural, that’s very natural. Sometimes you forget about me. Sometimes you become so engrossed in a problem that the whole consciousness becomes narrow, focused on a problem. And the mind is always searching, searching, for something that can become an excuse for misery. Sometimes it finds such beautiful excuses that you cannot see through it – for example, this suicide. Something has to be understood about it.

One thing is: life in itself is not intrinsically a value; neither is death in itself intrinsically a disvalue. Just as man is losing the taboo about sex, man has to lose the taboo about death too; that too is a taboo. Suicide is not a sin. It is just part of human freedom. It should be, one day or other, part of every constitution of every nation. It should be part of one’s birthright, that a man has a birthright to commit suicide. Nobody should be forced to live, because that is ugly. If I don’t want to live, then that’s how it should be: I don’t want to live! No law should be there to prevent me; that is interfering with my freedom. Then life is also an imprisonment; one is not even free to die! Death is part of human freedom, and man is the only animal who can commit suicide. It is a very very evolved quality. Dogs, birds, trees cannot commit suicide; it is only man who can commit suicide. That means it is only man who can take such an ultimate decision.

And there is nothing especially beautiful in dying a so-called natural death. There is nothing especially beautiful about it. A natural death is as much a death as a suicide. In some ways the man who commits suicide has said one thing – that in birth he was never asked; now he doesn’t want to die like a machine. At least he can choose his death; he will choose. He wants to assert his freedom. Birth was an accident; now he does not want death also to be an accident. And dying on a death bed in a hospital through an illness has nothing intrinsically beautiful about it. But we have been taught down the ages that something is wrong in suicideand we are afraid of it.

In fact the fear comes from deep down in our unconscious, because sometimes we also think of suicide and whenever somebody commits suicide it stirs our whole being. It is very rare to find an

intelligent man who has never thought about committing suicide, very rare. I don’t think you can find an intelligent man who has never thought of it. There are moments when everybody thinks of it. When somebody commits suicide, suddenly, you are shaken: ‘So he has done that!’ You are afraid to accept and respect his action, because if you respect and accept his suicide, then there is every danger that tomorrow you may decide to commit suicide yourself. So to be on the safe side, you reject, you condemn, you feel sorry. Something bad has happened; it should have been prevented, something could have been done! Why should this man die? Why should this man die on his own? He should have lived!

Suicide is part of human consciousness and human freedom. Sex is becoming acceptable; one day suicide will also become acceptable. The day both are accepted totally will be a great day of liberation.

And ultimately nothing dies. Chidananda also is not dead! Nobody ever dies. People go on slipping from one body into another, from one house into another. So no need to be worried.

Have an acceptance of all things. All these things will happen, and if you get disturbed about these things it will be difficult for you to cope. It became more of a problem to you because he had talked to you. Guilt must have arisen deep down in your heart that you could have helped him, you could have said this, you could have talked to him more.

No need to ever feel any guilt. Help people to understand. In fact, if somebody comes to you and says he wants to commit suicide, don’t try to persuade him not to. Just make him aware of what he wants to do, why he wants to do it, with no judgement, with no hints about what should be done. Just let him see the whole thing, his whole map, and then whatsoever he decides is his decision. We are no more to interfere, we are nobody to interfere.

And that should be the attitude about every problem that people bring to you. Make it clear to them; bring in aspects that are not in their consciousness. Let the whole problem be brought to them, let them see it from every side. Bring a clarity, a transparency, and then leave it to them. A conclusion is not for you to make. Then whatsoever they do, we respect. Otherwise sometimes the work of a psychoanalyst or a therapist can become very very dangerous. It is not accidental that four times more psychotherapists commit suicide than any other profession because they have constantly to deal with these people. Helping, helping, helping, by and by the idea starts settling in their own being, and seeing so many people commit suicide, unconsciously they become fascinated.

So just make it clear. If anybody comes make it clear, help him. By helping I don’t mean that you have to persuade him not to do it. That is none of our business. Ry helping is simply meant that we bring to light points which are not clear to him. So if he decides to commit suicide, he decides knowing fully well what he is going to do; if he decides not to do it, he decides knowing fully well what he is going to do. And for us it is the same, whether he does it or not; in every way we respect his freedom.

And when you get too concerned about something, naturally you forget me; but that’s natural. It will happen less and less; more and more you will find yourself in tune with me, available to me. But it takes time; nothing to be worried about.

[A couple, who just finished the couples’ group, both say they are feeling very negative. The woman says: what to do with this total no?]

Nothing to be done! Listen to it and follow it. Our problems arise because we don’t listen to our being. Your being is saying no, and you want to somehow manage it and make it yes, so the problem. Your being is saying no, his being is saying no – such a perfect situation!...

So say goodbye. Say good-by right now and be finished. And that doesn’t mean that it is finished, because tomorrow you may start feeling yes and...

But right now it is finished, and who bothers about tomorrow? At least tonight be free and enjoy your freedom! If you again start feeling that you need a cage, search for it again tomorrow.

The problem arises only because we want to do something which is not coming from our being. The being says yes and you want it to be no; the being says no and you want it to be yes. Then the problem; you create contradiction. Otherwise things are really simple. In fact I have never seen any complex problem, not yet; all problems are simple. But people can’t see the simplicity. They enjoy complexity because it gives a great egoistic feeling that you have a great, complex problem, unsolvable. You have defeated all the therapists; amitabh and asha and all are finished, and your problem is still there! One feels very good! (laughter) Otherwise problems are very simple.

Love happens, love flows; one day it is there, one day it disappears. It is like a flower in the morning, and by the evening it is gone. It does not mean that the no was always there; it simply means a thing has come to a completion. You have loved each other, you have enjoyed each other, you are fulfilled with each other, hence the no.

No is not necessarily negative; I don’t see that your no is negative; it is a very positive no. You are fulfilled with each other. You have known each other, you have explored each other, and now you don’t see that there is any point in further explorations. So you are ready to move into another journey.

There is no need to cling. Just with the very idea that there is no need to cling, one feels unburdened and all weight disappears. And if you need weight, tomorrow we will be there. By that time we may again start thinking... But right now, listen to your no and say yes to it. It is your no; it has to be respected.

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