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‌CHAPTER 17

17 January 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Anand means bliss, kadamba is a name of a tree – bliss tree. Kadamba is also very symbolic. There are two trees in India which are very symbolic. One is the bodh tree, because Buddha became enlightened under a bodh tree. So the bodh tree became a symbol for meditation.

Kadamba is the other tree which is very symbolic, because krishna used to dance under a kadamba tree. So that became the symbol of love. And these are the two paths towards god: meditation and love. Either one has to go under the bodh tree or under the kadamba tree.

Love is going to be your path, hence the name. [Veet upchar – beyond the formal, the ritual.]

Religion brings that freedom into your being. That freedom is meaning. Religion is a rebellion; a rebellion against the formal, against ritual, against the routine. And remember, religion is not revolution, because revolution is always a reaction. You immediately move to the other extreme and again you create another formality; it has happened again and again. For example, one kind of formality is the catholic church. Another kind of formality is the Japanese Zen. They are opposite to each other and Zen looks very revolutionary, but the revolution is dead. It has become a formality. One man can worship a scripture, another can bum it, and the burning can become a ritual. One Zen master burned the Buddhist scriptures. That was a spontaneous act, it was rebellion. But since that time, the people who have followed him and burned the scriptures have been following the ritual; it is no more rebellion. It is revolution, certainly, but it is no more rebellion. It is repetition. It is as much repetitive as the catholic church; there is not much difference.

Zen masters have said ‘If you meet the Buddha on the way, kill him.’ That is a great rebellious statement, one of the most profound, but you can turn it into a ritual. There are people who worship

Buddha and there are people who kill Buddha, but both are formal. The really informal approach will not be this and will not be that. Hindus have the right word for it; they call it ‘neti-neti’ – neither this nor that – neither worship nor condemnation, because both are the same, deep down they are the same.

Then what will be the informal attitude? I say if you meet Buddha on the way, say hello, shake hands, sit underneath a tree and gossip, invite him to a pub or have a dance with him! There is really no need to kill him. Be informal. That is the meaning of veet upchar – beyond the formal. One can create anti-formality; that is not beyond the formal. Beyond the formal simply means non-formal, spontaneous, whatsoever happens in the moment. There is no dead dogma to be followed; you don’t have any script in the mind that you have to follow. When one lives without any scripture:, one lives a real life. That real life is religion, that real life is rebellion.

I want my sannyasins to be rebellious, not revolutionaries. The revolutionary goes to the opposite extreme and becomes the same. It has happened down the ages again and again; that’s why all the revolutions have failed and all the revolutions have finally proved anti-revolutions. In russia it happened: the revolution came with much noise and fell flat. Joseph Stalin proved more dangerous a man than the czar himself. He followed exactly the same pattern as a czar; he was the greatest czar ever. This has happened all over the world again and again.

Don’t become a revolutionary; become a rebel. A rebel is one who has no ideology, no ideals, who has nothing to impose upon himself, who takes life as it comes and takes it easily, who enjoys it, dances it and sings it. This spontaneity will give you the flavour called meaning. Otherwise life becomes just a repetition of the past. It is no more alive – just formalities and rituals; it becomes burdened.

[A sannyasin who is an air hostess says: I have no more energy and enthusiasm. Sometimes I’m afraid of being dull.]

You are becoming wise!

Enthusiasm is part of stupidity. The more stupid one is, the more enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is part of foolhardiness. fanaticism. Enthusiastic people are always unintelligent people. The more intelligent one becomes, the more things become calm and quiet. So the old enthusiasm has to go. That is part of a dreaming mind. That’s why every young man is enthusiastic, because youth has a certain quality of foolishness in it. The more you experience life, the more you know life, the more you understand that there is not much to do and in fact, nothing can be done. Then one starts relaxing, accepting; a kind of contentment arises.

But in the beginning that contentment will look as if you are missing something, because that fever of enthusiasm will not be there any more. That excitement will not be there, that great things are going to happen and you are going to do great things. All that is gone down the drain. One feels, ‘Am I becoming dull? Am I losing interest in life?’ No, you were dull; that’s why the enthusiasm was there. Now you are becoming a little wise.

Wise people are not known to do much. History belongs to the foolish – the politicians, the adolf hitlers and mussolinis, people like that. Buddha in fact is outside history. What history has he? Just

sitting under a tree can you create history? You don’t create history; you create consciousness, certainly but you don’t create history. Only bad people create a stir, that’s why bad news is news. Have you ever heard about good news? It doesn’t exist!

A good man has nothing to say, a good man has nothing to do, a good man lives silently; there is a kind of passivity. That’s why Lao Tzu says ‘I am a fool. My mind is as empty as that of a fool.’ Where he says ‘fool’, read ‘wise’, because only a wise man’s mind is empty. Only a foolish man’s mind is full of thoughts and desires and plans and ideas.

It is absolutely good that your enthusiasm is disappearing. Life will have a different quality now. Don’t condemn it, otherwise you can go on clinging to the past and can go on creating artificial enthusiasm. There is no need. Relax! This dullness is intelligence and that intelligence was dullness.

And certainly you will become a little lazy, because all calm and quiet people are a little lazy. Not that they become absolutely inactive, but their action has the quality of silence, non-feverishness. Even if they do something, they do it so silently. They don’t make much fuss about it, they don’t create much noise around it. And they do only that which is necessary; they don’t go into the unnecessary. I am happy! Become a perfect fool, become lazy, and don’t be worried!

[Another sannyasin says he does not feel close enough to Osho.]

That’s natural, that’s natural. The more you love me, the more you will feel that you are not close enough. The greater the love, the greater the feeling of distance. That’s a good sign: love is growing, and with love by and by, slowly, slowly, you will go on coming closer and closer. It happens very very silently, unawares, and the process is so slow that you don’t take any notice of it. It is like a tree growing: you don’t take any notice of when it grew. The child is growing and becoming young. You can’t demarcate when the childhood ended and the child became a young man; there is no way.

Growth is slow, and so is coming closer to me. You are coming, and the closer you will be, the thirstier you will feel. But it is good. Continue the way you are; things are going in the right direction. This thirst will become fire; this thirst will consume you utterly. And when the ego is consumed totally, then only will you be close, because I am close to you; only you are not close, the hindrance is from your side.

But it is happening: the ego is collapsing. It is going, going, going, and one day it will be gone. Good.

[Another sannyasin says he is feeling restless and disinterested in anything he does: like I’m entering a long, long tunnel. I feel suffering more than before.]

You are becoming more aware of suffering. It has always been there; it is just that you were unaware. A little light of awareness is coming, so you can see things. That happens to everybody. You live in a dark room, you don’t know what exists in the room; then a little light penetrates and you start seeing the dirt and the dust. A snake is sitting there coiled up in the corner, a scorpion is dangling and you become afraid. You think ‘I was never in such a misery as I am now.’ But the snake was there, the scorpion was there, the dust was there, the dirt was there, everything was there all the time. Once I used to live in a village which has a very small river, so small that to call it a river is

not right. It was so dirty because the whole village – men, women, animals – were using it; it was almost mud. So whenever a guest came to me, I would take him to the river early in the morning, at four o’clock. He would enjoy it perfectly because you could not see anything! (laughter) I would make arrangements so in the day he couldn’t go and see what type of river this is. People would simply go mad in describing the beauty of it, and only I knew what was there! Sometimes it used to happen that the guest would come to see in the day and he would say ‘Where have you been taking me? I have never seen such a dirty place in my whole life!’ But in the early morning, under the stars, in the dark, it was really beautiful.

And that’s the case: you have lived in this tunnel for your whole life, maybe for many lives, but everything was dark. Now you have a small candle, and you can see things around you a little bit; hence you know that you are restless, you know that you have no interest in anything. These are the snakes and the scorpions. But you will have to accept it; this is how you are. In fact to say ‘I am restless,’ is wrong. Say ‘I am restlessness’; that will be right. Don’t say ‘I am not interested in anything’; simply say ‘I am disinterest.’ These are your qualities... and what can you do about them? This is you!

Accept it and relax into it. In that very acceptance and relaxation things will start changing, because something new enters again. First you were unaware; now you have become a little bit aware. Bring a little bit of acceptance and you will see that the tunnel starts becoming interesting again, more interesting than ever. Then you don’t see only the scorpions and the snakes. You accept them; you start playing with them, you start befriending them. You start learning to live in darkness and you start exploring the tunnel. One never knows where it is leading, but that’s how life is. And it is so intriguing, because nothing is known. You have to explore to know; only by exploration do you come to know. Still the future remains unknown, always unknown.

So now, take another step: bring a little acceptance. When the acceptance and the awareness are of the same proportion, the problem will disappear. If the acceptance is more than awareness, then you will become utterly interested in this tunnel that you are. Don’t fight restlessness; accept it. It is your energy. Maybe you have too much energy and not enough work for it; that’s why you are restless. But that is another thing. First, start accepting it: be restless and enjoy restlessness. And you are disinterested? Great! Become utterly disinterested, enjoy your disinterestedness.

In India they call it vairagya – renunciation, non-attachment; they have given beautiful names to it. In that way India is superb: it gives such beautiful names that things start looking beautiful. Call it ‘disinterestedness’ and it looks ugly; call it ‘non-attachment’ and it looks like a spiritual quality!

[The sannyasin answers: I am going to do zazen and vipassana.]

Perfect. Those are the things I was going to suggest. They are meant for this moment; when one feels disinterested in life, fed up, and everything is useless; then vipassana fits.

[A sannyasin who completed the rebirthing group says: When I feel a lot of energy... it becomes boiling and I stop breathing... and I get really scared.]

Sometimes it happens: when energy is too much, breathing automatically stops. You will feel that you are stopping it because we cannot lose our ego in any way (a chuckle); whatsoever happens we are doing it...

[Osho checks her energy.]

It is stopping on its own. It is just that the energy suffocates you. It comes all over the chest and it is too much: breathing is not possible. Start doing a small breathing meditation; it will help immensely. The energy is perfectly good; you have to cope with it, you have to learn how to cope with it. Breathing has to be continued, otherwise you will feel suffocated, you will not be able to use the energy and you will become frightened of it.

So do this breathing meditation: sit on a pillow so that your buttocks are a little higher than your knees. Then make your spine straight, erect. Wiggle your body first and feel where it comes to feel perfectly balanced, and there you stop. Start moving in small circles, smaller and smaller and smaller, just to feel the right place, where you should be. When you have come to feel that this is the most erect position for the spine, the most balanced state, and you are in a straight line connected with the centre of the earth, then move your chin up a little so your ears are in a straight line with the shoulder.

Close your eyes and start watching your breathing. First, the inhalation: start feeling it is going in from the nostril. Go down with it to the very bottom. At the bottom there comes a moment when the inhalation is complete: just a small moment, where inhalation has come to a completion and there is a gap. After that gap exhalation starts, but between the inhalation and the exhalation there is a little interval. That interval is of immense value. That is the equilibrium, the pause. Again come up with the exhalation, go up the whole way up. And the same moment comes again at the other extreme. Exhalation is complete and the inhalation has to start. Between the two, again the gap; watch that gap.

For one, two minutes, just watch a few breaths coming, going. You are not to breathe in any way – just natural breathing. You are not to breathe deeply or anything. You are not to change the breathing at all; you have just to watch. After one, two minutes, when you have watched it coming, going, start counting. Count one – the inhalation – and don’t count the exhalation just the inhalation has to be counted. Go up to ten and then come back; again from one to ten, again one to ten. Sometimes you may forget to watch the breath; then bring yourself back to watching it again. Sometimes you may forget to count or you may go on counting beyond ten – eleven, twelve, thirteen; then start again, come back to one.

These two things have to be remembered: watching, and particularly the gaps, the two gaps – at the top and at the bottom. That experience of the gap is you, that is your innermost core, that is your being. And second: go on counting, but up to not more than ten, and come back again to one, and only count the inhalation.

These things help awareness. You have to be aware, otherwise you will start counting the exhalation. You have to be aware, because you have to count only up to ten. These are just props to help you remain alert. This has to be done for twenty minutes; you can do twenty to thirty minutes once a day. And within three, four weeks your problem will disappear. But if you enjoy this meditation, continue it; this is of immense value.

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