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‌CHAPTER 4

24 August 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin says: I feel I have a legacy of laziness and escapism. Either I don’t feel energy, or if I do, I find it difficult to just completely let go. I feel a control.]

I feel it is somewhere and has become part of your bio-computer. The mind functions as a computer, and we go on feeding it attitudes. They go on accumulating there and by and by they become deeply ingrained. Personalities can be divided into two categories – one psychologists call the T personality, toxic, and the other they call the N personality, nourishing.

A toxic personality is always looking at things in a negative way. The whole world view of the toxic personality is depressing, sad. The toxic personality hides in beautiful faces. A perfectionist is a toxic personality. You cannot say that something is wrong in a perfectionist, but the whole idea of being a perfectionist is to find errors, mistakes, loopholes. It is a trick. You cannot find any fault with a man who looks for perfection, but in fact that is not his goal; perfection is a device. He wants to look at loopholes, mistakes, errors, anything that is missing, and this is the best way – to keep a goal of perfection so that he can compare them with the ideal and always condemn.

This toxic personality always thinks of that which is not and never looks at that which is, so discontent becomes natural. A toxic personality poisons his own being; not only that – he drips poison.

It can be a heritage. If you have lived with people in your childhood who had a negative attitude towards lifeIt may be hiding in glowing terms, beautiful language, ideals, heaven, God, religion,

the soul; they can use beautiful words, but they are simply tryingand they talk about the other

world just to condemn this one. They are not concerned with the other world. They have no interests in saints, but just to prove that others are sinners, they will talk about saints.

It is a very morbid attitude. They will say, ‘Become like Jesus.’ They are not interested in Jesus at all. If Jesus were there they would be the last person to go to him, but just to condemn you, this is

their device. You cannot become Jesus, so you become a victim. They always condemn you. They create values, moralities, puritan attitudes. They are the moralists, the moralisers; they are the great poisoners of the world.

And they are everywhere. These people tend to become teachers, educationalists, professors, vice-chancellors, saints, bishops, popes; they tend to become these things because then they can condemn. They are even ready to sacrifice everything if they are just allowed the joy of condemning others. They are everywhere, hiding in many ways. And they are always doing things for your good, for your own good, so you are defenceless against them. Their heritage is real, big. They have dominated the whole history.

These people immediately become dominators. Their very ideology helps them to dominate because they can become condemnators. And they talk in rational terms. Rationalism is also part of the T personality. They are very argumentative . . . very difficult to defeat them in argumentation. They are never reasonable, but they are always rational.

And one must know the distinction between a reasonable man and a rational man. A reasonable man is never only rational, because a reasonable man knows by experience that life has both – the rational and the irrational; that life has both – reason and feeling, the mind and the heart.

A reasonable man is reasonable. A rational man is never reasonable. He forces logic on life – and logic can be perfect; life can never be. He always looks to the ideal, and he tries to force life to follow the ideal. He never looks into life and the reality of life. His ideals are against life.

The second personality, the N personality, the nourishing personality, is totally different. It has no ideals, really. It just looks into life and the reality decides its ideal. It is very reasonable. It is never perfectionistic; it is wholistic but never a perfectionist. And it always looks on the good side of things. The N personality is always hopeful, radiant, adventurous, trusting, not condemnatory. These are the people who become poets, painters, musicians.

If an N type person becomes a saint, then there is a real saint. If a T type person becomes a saint, there is a false saint, a pseudo-saint. If an N type person becomes a father, then there is a real father. If an N type person becomes a mother, there is real mothering. A T type is a pseudo father and a pseudo mother. That is just a trick to exploit the child, to torture, to dominate, possess and to crush the child, to feel powerful by crushing the child. The T type is in the majority, so you may be right that you are carrying a heritage everybody is. But once you become a,ware, there is not much of a problem. You can travel from T to N very easily.

A few things to remember. If you feel lazy, don’t call it laziness. Listen to your nature; maybe that’s what fits you. That’s what I call a reasonable man. What can you do? If laziness comes to you, then that’s what you have to do. Who are you to decide against it? And how can you win against it? Even in your fight you will be lazy. Who is going to win? You will be constantly defeated, and then you will feel unnecessarily miserable.

Be realistic. Listen to your own being. Everybody has his own pace. A few people are very active, rushing; nothing is wrong in it. If they feel good in it, it is good for them.

Just a few nights ago one person was saying that he is always rushing. If he has a chance, he likes to run rather than walk. He jumps up stairs, two, three steps together. His wife goes on telling him to drop his restlessness, so his wife has created a guilt in him – that he is doing something wrong. But I saw that the man is perfectly healthy and happy, so I said, ‘Don’t listen to your wife. If you are feeling good, then run; nothing is wrong in it. It is your natural pace.’

He said, ‘There is my daughter who is very lazy. She is just the opposite to me, and my wife is against her also because she takes so much time in just doing small things.’ Now this wife must be a T personality.

[Osho went on to say, as he had some nights previously (see Dance Your Way to God, August 18th), that in the coming century it will be the lazy people who will be revered, not the active ones. As machines take over more and more, the lazy man who is not demanding work will be much appreciated.]

And don’t create any ideals that you have to do this. Don’t have any ‘shoulds’. The ‘should’creates a sort of neurosis. Then one is obsessed. The ’should’ is always there, standing and condemning you, and you cannot enjoy anything. Enjoy! Kill the ‘should’ completely and be herenow. Whatsoever you can do, do; whatsoever you cannot do, accept. That is the way you are – and you are here to be yourself, nobody else. By and by you will see that your T is turning into N. You will become nourishing and you will enjoy more, you will love more, and you will become more meditative.

In fact, for a lazy person to become meditative is easier than for an active person. That’s why the whole East became lazy – they meditated too much. Meditation is a sort of passivity. An active person feels very restless. Just to sit silent is the most difficult thing. Not to do anything is the most difficult thing to do for an active person.

Just enjoy and move as fits your being – no shoulds, no ideals, otherwise they will poison you. Look at life with deep hope. It is really beautiful. Just look at it, and don’t wait for perfection. Don’t think in terms of your enjoying things only when they are perfect; then you will never enjoy.

If a T type person encounters God, he will immediately find some faults in Him. That’s why God is hiding – because of T type people. He reveals Himself to the N type, never to T types. He reveals only to those who can take nourishment from Him – not only that, but to those who can nourish Him.

So just relax, enjoy, accept, and the problems will disappear.

[A sannyasin, who is leaving, says: I’m feeling loving towards people, feeling warmth, but I don’t feel very sexual. I don’t know if it’s slightly repressed or if it’s okay.]

There’s no need to feel sexual – and there is no need to be worried about it. Just feel loving and warm. That one has to remember – that one should not become cold. If one starts feeling cold, then it is a problem. And if sex disappears completely, there is no problem; warmth should not disappear.

It almost always happens together. When people’s sex disappears, their warmth disappears. When their warmth comes, their sexuality comes. That’s why people think that sexuality and warmth are two aspects of the same energy. They are not.

It is a good experience to be warm and non-sexual. Then you are growing; then you are really growing. Just to grow older is not real growth. To be grown is not to be a grown up. Growing up means exactly what it says – growing up, growing upwards. And this is a beautiful step – that one retains the warmth, and sex by and by disappears. Sex is beautiful because of its warmth; there is nothing else. So if you can retain the warmth when sex disappears, perfectly good; as it should be. Then the goal is preserved, and only the non-essential is gone. Never lose sight of warmth. Sex is not an essential thing – warmth is essential.

So everything is going well. Don’t force sexuality on yourself, otherwise that will be a destructive step. Be more and more warm. There is no need to become anti-sexual. There is no need to repress sexuality. If sometimes just your warmth takes you into sex, it’s okay, it’s beautiful. But if you go into it because of the warmth, then the motive is warmth, not sex. It happens, but it is the periphery. The centre remains your loving heart, your warmth.

[The Enlightenment Intensive group is present. The leader asks whether she should work harder or just sit back and let it happen. Osho asks her which she prefers and she answers that she likes being active.]

Then be active... because you can help people only if you are feeling very happy. So whatsoever you feel happy in is the way to help people. If you yourself are not feeling happy, then the help is not possible. So there is no problem.

Always remember this – happiness is the criterion. The whole effort in the group is to make people happy, to help them to come home. But if the leader is not happy, then it is impossible. So your happiness is a basic requirement. If you feel happy with being active, then be madly active. There is no question of any alternative.

You can force yourself to sit by the side, but you will become dull and sad, you won’t feel good, and then the whole group will drop to that low energy level. You have high energy, so just rush, mm? and somehow they will drag themselves [chuckling] with you. That is their problem. Mm? Good.

[A group member says: I’ve always spent my life seeking out challenges – dealing with them, usually mastering them, and going on to something else, another challenge.

I’m hearing two things from you. One is, that perhaps I’m just feeding my ego. On the other hand, in the past week you’ve been talking about life as a challenge, as a difficult challenge, and that we must really go into it. I do want to continue to seek out challenges. Can you help me to understand this?]

Both are the possibilities. One can just go on seeking challenges because it enhances the ego. Then the motive is wrong. What you are doing is right, but the reason you are doing it is wrong. If you simply love challenges and it is not in any way an effort to enhance the ego, then it is tremendously beautiful. Then whatsoever you are doing is right, and the motive is also right. Then you are one thousand percent right. So just watch that – that’s what I am saying.

Don’t gather the ego. Go on finding new challenges, enjoy, but there is no need to collect the ego, to feed an ego, because if you are feeding an ego, then in fact you will not be able to enjoy the

challenges; they become secondary. The purity is lost then; you are always hankering for the ego. You are not interested in challenges – you are interested in the ego. If the ego can be purchased at a cheaper cost, you would like to purchase it. If the ego is possible without the challenges, you will drop the challenges and you will choose the ego. Because it is impossible to become egoistic without challenges, you have to go into the challenges, but you are not enjoying them. Then you are missing the whole point of it. Otherwise it is tremendously beautiful.

Every moment there are new challenges. If we seek we will find them. And it is thrilling to live continuously from challenge to challenge, from one peak to another. The higher you rise, the higher the peaks that become available, and you don’t carry any burden of the ego. Then even if you fail in a challenge, you are not miserable. You are still happy that you accepted it. You are still happy that the opportunity was there. You are still happy that you went into it. If you succeed, there is no ego in it. You are simply thrilled, and you are ready to move ahead.

For a real lover of challenges, success and failure mean nothing. The whole value is in the challenge and the response, and the thrill that comes between crucial moments when on this side is death and on that side is life. The bridge is so narrow, just like a razor’s edge. One false step and you fall into an infinite abyss. Then one lives at the peak of consciousness.

That’s the beauty in mountaineering. Nothing is going to be achieved but the very thrill. That is the enjoyment in surfing; nothing is going to be achieved but the very thrill. That is the enjoyment when you go on driving your car faster and faster and faster. A moment comes when each moment is a risk... as if time stops, thinking stops. You are just going one hundred miles per hour. A slight this way and that [Osho makes a movement with his hand, of a car veering to one side] and you are gone. Then you cannot afford to be sleepy. You are fully awake every fibre of the body fully awake, all the nerves of the mind fully awake. That’s why one feels so beautiful in speed. But it has nothing to do with the ego. So enjoy.

The whole life is an adventure – it should be an adventure. But there is no need to gather the ego, because that becomes the burden. It won’t allow you to go to very high peaks, because for the high peaks you have to leave all the burden behind, below you. You have to go almost naked, without clothes. The higher the peak, the greater is the requirement to leave everything down below. You cannot carry much load – and the ego is the greatest load one can carry, and for no reason at all. It is as if you are carrying a mountain on your head. That crushes you. Life never crushes anybody – only the ego. And then when you succeed, you don’t enjoy.

If an egoist succeeds he never enjoys. If he fails he fails very miserably, because the ego always goes on goading. It says ‘What is this? You have to achieve more. You have to show more to the world. This is nothing.’ The ego never allows you rest. It says ‘It’s okay, but go ahead, do something bigger.’ So when you achieve, it is not happy. If you fail, it is terribly unhappy. And an egoless person, when he succeeds, he’s happy, he dances. When he fails, still he dances – because it is not a question of achievement or failure. It is a question of trying, it is a question of living in critical moments, in dangerous moments. It is the thrill that is valuable.

So there is nothing to be worried about. Just go on accepting challenges. And I am nothing but a challenge to you. I am creating something in you which will become your very life’s challenge. And this mountain is such that you cannot exhaust it. By the time you reach the peak, you are no more,

because the only way to reach this peak is to disappear. That’s why I call religion the passion for the impossible. It is a passion for the impossible. The impossible happens – that too is true – but it happens only when you have disappeared.

So go into the world. Try whatsoever has happened to you. It will be deepened. Because this is my observation – that if something has really happened, then it goes on deepening by all life experiences. If it has not happened, then only it disappears. Good.

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