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CHAPTER 26
16 September 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium
[A sannyasin had previously written to Osho about her sexuality, which seemed to have become more intensified lately – mainly been through auto-erotic activity. Guilt feelings surfaced from childhood, about its being a perversion. Osho checked her energy.]
I told you to remain celibate for a few days specifically for this purpose, because once you are celibate for a few days, energy pools; it becomes a reservoir. And when it is a reservoir, then you can easily know where it wants to move, how it wants to be creative, what direction it wants to take. A person who is using his sexual energy continuously, never knows what the energy itself intends to do. And these are two different things.
What your mind intends to do is one thing – what your energy intends to do is totally different. If they meet, good – if they don’t meet, then there is trouble. It is just a coincidence ordinarily – their meeting and their going hand in hand. Otherwise out of one hundred cases, almost ninety-nine percent of people miss the harmony between their mind and their energy. The mind goes on bossing, goes on judging, evaluating, condemning, saying, ‘This is good – that is bad.’ The mind is a priest, and a catholic priest at that. The mind is a puritan... absolutely a victorian.
And energy is just a natural phenomenon. It does not know any man-made moralities. It is amoral. It is neither moral nor immoral; it is amoral. It is beyond morality or below morality. But it has nothing to do with morality and moral inhibitions, condemnations, evaluations, oughts, shoulds; it knows nothing. It is simply like a river rushing towards the ocean.
The energy is continuously rushing towards orgasm. If the mind interferes, there is corruption. Then it is very rarely that the intention of the mind and the intention of the energy will meet. Then there is frustration. You are pulled apart... you are tom apart; a person starts falling into pieces. That’s what has happened to the whole humanity – all have become Humpty Dumptys.
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I had this very thing in mind when I told you to remain celibate for a few days. Once you are celibate for a few days, the energy becomes so powerful that the mind cannot control it. The mind remains very impotent before it. And the energy is so much that it carries the mind with it. It has to go with it. Condemning, cursing, but it has to go with it. It is a sheer force, and the mind cannot do anything with it. Whether willing or unwilling, it has to go with it.
So this is the natural spontaneous intention of your energy. Whatsoever is happening, allow it and drop all condemnations, drop all judgements. Simply go with it. With no mind go with it. Remember, energy is always pure. Its purity is invulnerable. The mind is always impure. Its impurity is unchangeable. So drop the mind, drop its bossing, its effort to dictate, dominate. Just go with the energy wherever it leads.
Many things will happen, and you will be surprised that they are happening, but they have to happen, because energy never does anything wrong. It cannot do, because it does not know what is right, what is wrong. It simply does that which is natural. For energy, the natural is right, the unnatural is wrong. It only believes in God’s law. It doesn’t believe in any man-made laws.
This is the first thing to understand – drop your mind. It has no business to interfere. Go with the energy, and whatsoever form it takes, it is good and beautiful. Whatsoever form it takes, never say that it is perverted, wrong, immoral, this and that. These are all mind trips. The mind is trying to force its own ideology on the energy. The energy is innocent – simply go with it.
Once you start going with it, many things will happen and many things will disappear. Soon – within two, three months – your energy will become a sheer delight. But if the mind goes on interfering, it will take a very long time. From your very childhood the mind has been interfering with it. It has never accepted its naturalness. That is the problem – not the form that the energy is taking; that is not the problem.
The problem is coming from the mind, not from the energy itself. The mind wants to have its own way, and now that the energy is there, overflowing, the mind cannot control it. When energy is less, the mind can control it. When you go on throwing your energy every day, then the mind is more powerful. Then the river is like a very small spring and it can be channelised by the mind howsoever it wants. But right now it is like a flood, it won’t listen – and there is no need for it to listen.
In the beginning you will find the mind cursing, condemning, judging, but simply don’t listen – listen to the energy. In the beginning you may find that it is maddening, but that will disappear. That too is because of the mind. Because the mind has never allowed the energy any freedom, when you allow freedom, it is maddening. It is just like when a man who has been forced to fast for many years, or has been given only a very small amount of food, who has been always starving, half-starving, is suddenly given freedom to eat whatsoever he wants to. Then he goes mad. He becomes an obsessive eater. But the problem is still not with the person. The problem comes from the past.
So something may be there like an obsession. You will feel that something is happening obsessively. Don’t be worried. It is just a dam that the mind has built; it is being broken by the flood. So there will be chaos for a few days, but nothing to be worried about. As I am watching, your state is better than ever. You just have to drop this last barrier of evaluation. Simply drop it.
And remember one thing – whatsoever makes you happy is good. The whole criterion of good, is happiness; nothing else. Never forget about it. And whatsoever form the sexual energy takes is never perverted unless it becomes harmful to somebody. To me perversion only means that you become a menace to others. If you hurt and harm others, if you become a sadist or something, then it is perversion. But when you are not harming anybody – you simply delight in your energy – there is no problem at all. It is your energy – you have to be happy with it.
So don’t go as if being dragged. Go dancing. Don’t go reluctantly. Surrender... trust the energy – because it is life, it is God. And trust absolutely. Just one condition has to be remembered – one should not become harmful, violent, aggressive, towards anybody else, that’s all. Otherwise everything is permissible. If you feel happy – it is your energy – feel as happy as you want to. Go with it wholeheartedly.
For one month simply go wholeheartedly with it. Relax completely. And after one month, tell me. Everything is going well. What is needed is happening. Within these two, three months, your energy will come to a real natural flow. All these things that are happening will disappear. They are not going to remain there forever. They are because of past starvation.
Will it be possible to trust the energy and to go into it?
[A sannyasin said the vipassana course was unbelievable.]
It is unbelievable, because the mind is not aware of millions of things which are available. The mind goes on living in a rut. It goes on moving in the same repetitive circles and it has become oblivious of the whole reality. It cannot even dream about the real. It has lost all contact. It has become closed, a short-circuit. But it goes on thinking in its own terms and goes on chewing the same thing again and again.
So reality is always unbelievable to the mind. And reality is enormous, vast. There is no beginning and no end to it. It is infinity. The more you know, the more you understand that you know nothing. The more you know, the more doors open for you to be known. You reach one peak, another peak is there waiting for vou as a challenge. And this is non-ending.
But this has been very beautiful. Remember it always. We are missing many things in life just because the mind won’t believe, just because the mind has a certain fixed, obsessive attitude. It only opens itself to certain things and then closes.
If you bring four persons into this garden, they will not see the same things. If you bring a carpenter, he will see in the trees the possibility of furniture – doors, chairs, tables. If you bring a poet, he cannot even imagine chairs and furniture in the trees. He will see poetry. He will see the sheer poetry of the earth, the ambition of the earth trying to reach to heaven. If you bring a lover, he will see something else. If you bring a painter, he will see something else. He will see colours and colours. Only colours exist, only colours are real. And if you bring a scientist, he will see something else. He will immediately start labelling things – this tree belongs to this species, to this geography, to this climate. But nobody will be in the same garden – and they are all standing in the same garden. We see whatsoever our mind allows us to see.
In the old scriptures – the bible, the koran, the vedas – if you read, it seems as if God used to walk on earth. The encounter seems to be so real. Moses meeting God on Mount Sinai – it is a face- to-face talk. Now it seems like a parable or a story symbolic maybe, but it cannot be real We have lost contact with that reality. God used to walk on earth. He Still does, but we by-pass Him because we have lost the capacity to see Him. A Moses is needed. Mount Sinai is still there. God is Still standing in the burning bush, shouting... but there is nobody to hear. A Moses is needed to hear.
Reality is incredible, tremendous, but our minds are very tiny, very very tiny, very atomic – as if there is just a small hole in the wall and from that hole you are looking at the sky. You will have a certain glimpse but we remain poor unnecessarily.
That’s what meditation is all about. It is an effort to look at reality without this hole of the mind, this small, tiny hole of the mind. To look at reality without the mind, to push the mind aside, and to face reality without the mind. Immediately the enormous opens its doors. Suddenly you are there amidst abundance.
It is unbelievable. So remember it, and believe in the unbelievable – then you will become more expansive. Never believe only in the believable because that makes you narrow. The believable is not worth much. Believe in the unbelievable. That is the meaning of trust and faith.
There is a very famous saying of a christian mystic, Tertullian: ‘I believe in God because He is impossible.’ This is something beautiful – ‘I believe in God because He is absurd. I believe in God because He is unbelievable.’ This is something tremendously beautiful.
Before Tertullian other christian mystics just look foolish – people trying to prove God, finding out how many proofs are there, how to prove God, how to make God a syllogism. He is not a syllogism. He is a song, a mad song. You cannot put Him in a logical way. He is too big for logic. Tertullian is the only real mystic in Christianity who is almost as zen-like as Bodhidharma. Mm? – ‘I believe in God because He is unbelievable.’ So believe in the unbelievable.
[The sannyasin answers: The unbelievable is so powerful that there is no choice but to believe in it.]
Yes, that’s right. That’s right. That’s absolutely right. But remember it – that’s the point. Because we tend to forget it again and again. When the unbelievable happens it is really so powerful that there is no way, no alternative – you have to believe in it. But back home – back in the mind – it becomes sheer absurd-ity. One starts suspecting oneself. One starts suspecting, ‘Was I under an illusion, a hypnosis, or was it a dream?’ Remember in those moments when suspicion arises – that’s what I mean. Remember in those moments when the mind comes back and starts creating suspicions and doubts, then too say to the mind, ‘Yes, you are right. God is not possible, but that is why I believe in Him. That’s my “why”.’
Then the mind is at a loss. You have taken away the very ground from underneath it. If you say to the mind, ‘I believe in God because He is unbelievable, because He is unprovable, because He is illogical,’ then you have taken away the very life of the mind, because that is the whole trick. The mind can force you to doubt. It says that this is not rational. But tell the mind, ‘Who says that it is rational? Who is arguing about it? It is irrational – you are right.’
And that is the beauty – that it is irrational. If God were rational, it would not be worth much. Then it would be a dictum of science, an axiom of mathematics or a syllogism of logic. You cannot pray to a syllogism. You cannot make a temple around a syllogism. You cannot dance because a syllogism is perfectly right, mathematical, logical.
It is good that God is improbable. One can dance... one can fall in love. One can be a fool because God is impossible and unprovable.
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