Chapter title: None

‌Chapter title: None‌

8 November 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Archive code: 7711085 ShortTitle: OPENSE08 Audio:

No Video:

[A sannyasin has brought her two children from the West. The older son is negative and wishes to return to the West. The mother says she doesn't want to force him to stay.]

Mm mm. So, let him go, and whenever he wants to go...(to the son) You are free to go, mm? because happiness is the thing. If you are not happy here and can be more happy there, then be there. (to the mother) Just make him free and then he will be more at ease here. If he decides to stay that is his business. If he wants to go allow him. From your side he should be free. Then if he decides on his own.… Because that may happen: once he knows that he can go his mind may change.

It makes a lot of difference. If he feels he cannot go then he will continuously think of going. If he thinks he cannot go he will fight and he will not make any move to like anything here. He will not get into anything because that will be a great fear to him: if he starts liking things here then he will be in your trap and he will not be able to go.

Once he knows that he is free to go there is no fear. He can meet with sannyasins, play with sannyasins, dance, sing, because he is free; it is not a problem. Then he will not have any resistance, and in that non-resistance he may start liking it here. But if he does not then it is perfectly good if he goes. Some day he will come back again.

And whenever he comes on his own, then only can it be of help -- for him, for you. Otherwise he will be a problem to you and a problem to himself and you will feel miserable that he is unhappy. Nothing is more valuable than freedom. So if he decides to go that's perfectly good; let him decide.

Make his mind completely at ease so that he is free, whether he decides to go or stay. Then there is no force from our side this way or that, for or against. And he will feel good because he is respected. And every child has to be respected, utterly respected. We are nobody to enforce anything on anybody, even on our own children, because even though they come from us they don't belong to us. They belong to themselves and they will live their own life. They will find their own truth, they will find their own way. They have to search and seek for themselves.

So we can make available to them whatsoever is, but it is for them to participate or not. It is good that you brought him; now he knows this place. If freedom is given to him he will be able to know it more deeply and then back home he can compare. If some day he feels like coming he is welcome... but only 1/08/07

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when he feels.

Even if you feel a little sad about his going, that's okay. That is your problem not his, so don't make him feel guilty that he is making his mother unhappy. Those are strategies to manipulate. You can cry and weep and can say 'Okay, you can go but I will feel unhappy.' You will be creating a division in his mind; this is a kind of pressure. He does not want to make you unhappy but he is, so he starts feeling guilty. Then he can decide out of guilt: 'Okay, I will not go. It is better to feel miserable than to make you miserable.' But if he is miserable you will be miserable, and then he will make you feel guilty.

These are the games we go on playing with each other. He will continuously remind you it is because of you that he is staying and you will start feeling guilty that you have been destructive to his freedom. Never create any guilt in a relationship because guilt is poison to love.

(to the son) So you are completely free, mm? Decide about staying or going and whenever you want to go, immediately arrangements will be made and you can go. And if you want to be here a little-little, you can be.

[The mother says she is not sure whether to return to the West with her son, but feels it would be nonsense.]

No. It is absolute nonsense; you need not go. If he decides to go he will be with his father; nothing to worry about. You need not go.…

So that is his decision and he can decide. If he feels it is not good there he can always come here; he is welcome. But you need not go, otherwise there you will create the guilt. You will make him more guilty --

that because of him you have had to come from India where you wanted to be. These things have to be understood and dropped.

And the idea that without you he cannot survive or without you he cannot grow, is utter nonsense. It may be that he wants to escape from you... because children want to escape from parents. They want to have their own freedom. When they are at the parents' side they are always thought to be children. Grown up as they are, they will remain children to you.

My mother comes to me and when she sees me eating this and that she starts telling me 'Don't eat that, eat this. You have not eaten this!' She knows what she is doing and she says 'I am mad! I should not say these things to you.' But when she comes again she again starts telling me.…

And I can understand, so I understand you. But you need not go. Just be here and give him full freedom so he can enjoy the few days he is here. And whenever he wants, send him back, mm? Good!

[An elderly sannyasin says how much she enjoys the ashram but feels she is still sitting on the fence because she is too old to jump.]

Mm mm. You will! Because from the fence it is the same distance. Whether you get off to the right or to the left, it is the same distance.

... It is always a jump. Seven or seventy it is always a jump. And the older you

are, the faster you have to take the jump, because you don't have time to lose, you cannot afford much time to lose. A young person can wait -- life is long -- but for an old person waiting is not good. If something touches the heart, then do it! Go into it! What is there to lose?

[She answers: My head!]

That's perfectly good to lose, mm? That is perfectly good to lose... because it is not worth saving. How long will be you be staying?

The Open Secret Chapter #9 1/08/07

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