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‌CHAPTER 2

2 December 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A couple are present. The man, known for his crazy behaviour, says that he’s been feeling crazier than ever, that he feels he’s been trying to prove something, that he’s consciously trying for something way out to happen.

Osho talks at length to him about only doing that which is true to his nature. He then addressed the woman.]

Help him to be whatsoever he is, otherwise you will lose him. If you want to have him, allow him to be himself, because he is a crazy person. It is beautiful to be in love with a crazy person but if you start telling him like any Indian woman, ‘Do this, don’t do that... this is not right, this is immoral and this is moral,’ you will either kill him or he will escape and will never come back to you. He is not that kind of person; he is a rare bird, mm? – you cannot hold him in a cage. If you really want him to be with you, throw the cage and he can be with you, but he will be with you only out of freedom.

Allow him his being. Mm? sometimes he may do things which may not look good to you, but that has to be understood. And you can also enjoy freedom, because when you give freedom to him, naturally you can give freedom to yourself. We can give ourselves only that which we give to others. If you are not giving freedom to him, if you are demarking a line beyond which he is not to go then you will not be free yourself. You will also follow those lines. Give him utter freedom and you be utterly free. You will both be happy out of it.

Don’t ask anything that is unnatural to him, and don’t ask anything that is unnatural to you either. Just be natural, spontaneous, flowing, loving, enjoying. And I am not saying that it is always a joy. No affair, no love affair is always a joy; it cannot be. There are moments, dark moments, moments of pain and hurt and aches and bruises. There are dark nights but they are part of the whole game.

Without the dark night you cannot have a bright morning, and without the hurt, without the pain, you cannot enjoy either They go together. Only dead people go beyond pain and then they go beyond pleasure too.

So accept this polarity but let freedom always be respected. That’s what love is: a respect for other’s freedom, a respect for other’s nature. Don’t become each other’s gaolers. And it is a good opportunity for you to be in, mm? because it will be difficult to find a crazy man like [him]. He can teach you a few crazy things.

In India all people are sane, mm? – that is the misery of this country. Only prose exists, poetry has disappeared, so only marriage exists, love has disappeared. Only the market exists, the temple is no more there, or it has become part of the market.

So love each other but love out of freedom, and out of love let freedom grow.

[A sannyasin says that she is upset because she split up with her boyfriend. He still wants to be together. She doesn’t know if she loves him. She says: I don’t even know what love is.]

That’s right... that’s a very right statement. It is true about everybody: nobody knows what love is, because to know love is to know God. To know love is to know all that is worth knowing. People are simply in illusion when they think they know love.

Love is the last thing and the ultimate. Beyond that there is nothing left to know, so love cannot be known as easily as people think. People like each other, people feel good with each other, people have securities and conveniences and comforts with each other. Basically what people call love is a fear of being alone. They need somebody.

... Mm mm... but that’s what people call love, mm? They feel lonely so they fill their loneliness with somebody. They stuff themselves with somebody, they cling so that they are not lonely. At least that pain of loneliness is not there. That’s what they call love. When the other is gone they start feeling lonely again so they think they love the other and they start searching for the other again. That’s not love; this is a need. The lowest form of love is because you cannot bear to be lonely so you have to be with somebody or other.

The real love starts only when you are capable of being alone. Then the need disappears; sharing arises. When you can be alone it is not a need: you are not hankering for somebody. If nobody turns up you will be as happy as ever. There is no problem, it doesn’t matter whether there is somebody or not. Then only does love become possible. Then you start flowering, overflowing. It is a gift. Love is not a need, it is a gift.

But for that love you will have to go through many loves of the first kind, so don’t say that you don’t want to be related with anybody, otherwise the second will not happen. The second needs a kind of seasoning and the seasoning happens through the first. If you miss the first you will never know the second, because the first is the first step too, so one has to suffer it.

And he is right when he says that you will have the same problem with somebody else; he is true. With any man you will have that problem, unless you find a man who is capable of being alone, mm?

and that is rare, very rare, to find a man who is capable of being alone. You can find that kind of man only when you have become capable of being alone. These are the problems. Because the man who has become capable of being alone will love you only, will be able to share with you only, when you have also attained to that state, because only equals can be in love.

If a man who has become able to be alone allows you to be with him and you are not yet capable of that, that will be compassion from his side, not love, because you will be very low down, deep in the valley, and he will be on the sunlit peaks. So that will not satisfy you either, because how can compassion satisfy? It hurts really.

So he is right when he says that this problem will be there with anybody and everybody. The only choice is to find a person whom you like, whom you like immensely. Don’t think of love at this stage. At this stage only think of liking, because it is better to suffer with a person whom you like than to suffer with a person whom you dislike! (laughter) That’s the only choice possible. At this stage nothing more is possible, and I’m very realistic sol don’t give you illusions, mm? – this is how things are.

A very rich man was dying. He was telling his son ‘Give heed to what I say this is my whole life’s experience – that money is useless. I have all the wealth that one can desire but it has not given me anything.’

The son said, ‘You are right, father, but still I would like to inherit all your wealth.’

The father said, ‘Why? If you understand what I am saying, that it is meaningless and useless...’

The son said, ‘The reason is that I would like to suffer in richness rather than in poverty! One has to suffer anyway, so why not suffer in richness?’

And I understand; his point is perfectly true. So the only thing that you can do is to choose a person whom you like. Suffering will be there, and suffering will be there because the other will start possessing you. Even sometimes when he says ‘I give you freedom’, he is not giving you because how can he give you freedom? The very statement ‘I give you freedom’, shows that he has already become your master. Who is he to give you freedom? How can he give you freedom? He has already encroached upon you. He has already become your master when he says, ‘I give you freedom... I would like to give you freedom.’

What does it mean? Who are you and how can you give me freedom? I am free, you are free; nobody can give freedom. A given freedom is not a freedom at all. It is a new kind of slavery, well-decorated. The cage is there but now it is a golden cage. When he says ‘I give you freedom’, he is hoping that you will not ask any more about freedom. Because he is giving it; what else can you ask? You will feel obliged to never do anything. He is giving you freedom but don’t take it for granted: that’s what he means. He says, ‘Look at my generosity – I am giving you freedom. Now feel obliged and never do anything that proves that you are free.’ In fact he is trying to make you obliged to him.

In real love the lovers know – how can you give freedom because who are you? You are not the master of the other, so the other is free. Love does not give freedom, it simply enhances freedom. It cannot give because it never takes it from you: it enhances. But don’t ask the impossible. Go slowly.

Each stage has to be passed and each stage has to be understood, and you have to ripen in many stages before you can reach to the ultimate of love. So if this man is in love with you meaning if he likes you and you like him – no problem is there: you can still be together. If you feel, ‘No, there is not even liking.…’ Never pay attention to what he says. Always pay attention to your own heart, because it is there you have to live.

Maybe he loves you or he likes you but you don’t like him. Sometimes it happens that the person likes you so much that you start feeling guilty. He likes you so much and you cannot like him; how ugly you are. How can you not even love him? He likes you and he cries and he is suffering so much for you, so you should go to him. But that won’t help. You have to listen to your heart.

And never feel guilty! What can you do? If you cannot like him, there is nothing to do. You have to simply say that you are helpless. He loves you, you know, but you don’t feel any desire for him. So you are sorry, you feel sorry for him too, but he will have to knock on some other door and you will have to knock on some other door. So say good-bye, but always listen to your heart; otherwise one can go on repressing. Sometimes the other can use it as a strategy, that he cries and weeps and says that he will die and will commit suicide; he cannot live without you. He can go on harping on the same song again and again, and he can make you feel so guilty that out of guilt you say’Okay, I will come with you.’ But you will never be happy, and if you are not happy you will never allow him to be happy either. So that is foolish. Just watch, and if you don’t feel any liking, any love, any desire for him, if you only have sympathy and compassion then it is time to get out of it.

Never be with a person out of sympathy, otherwise you will be very destructive to yourself. Hate is better than sympathy. If you hate a person it is possible that you may love him one day, because hate is love upside-down. But sympathy is just a desert; out of sympathy love has never bloomed. Many times love blooms out of hate because hate blooms out of love many times; they are partners. But sympathy is just outside the love world; it is a very calculated mind-thing. So don’t sympathise, don’t have compassion and pity.

Just listen to your heart and go along with it. And yes, he will be feeling miserable but what can you do? It is better to get out of his life sooner so he can start feeling miserable about somebody else, otherwise he will go on feeling miserable about you. Why waste his time? Let him move with somebody else where he will find more affinity.

But if you feel that you have some liking for him, you can continue. You have to decide. But I see that you can decide. You have a clarity, and I’m happy that you are clear. Ultimately it is clarity that helps, nothing else. Good.

[A sannyasin says it is becoming more difficult for him to express his feelings. Osho suggests some groups for him.]

This will go; nothing to be worried about. It must have been a characteristic with you for your whole life, more or less. You may not have been aware of it but it must have been there, because whatsoever has been there bubbles up, surfaces, through groups. Once it has come to the surface it is easy to get rid of it. You cannot drop anything from the unconscious. Only when the unconscious becomes conscious can it be dropped. It is just as you cannot cut the roots of the tree unless you

pull the roots out of the earth. Then you can cut them. You have to dig and take the tree out; then you can cut the roots.

In the unconscious nothing can be dropped. It must have been there; it is good that it has come up. Remind me after Awareness again; it will be gone.

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