13

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‌CHAPTER 13

13 June 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Deva means divine, samapatti means richness, wealth, treasure – divine treasure. It is there – and you have not claimed it yet – and it is yours, just for the asking. You need not spread your hands anywhere before anybody. The treasure is hidden within your own heart. And people go on searching everywhere else except in the heart. They can go to the moon and to mars; and that journey seems to be easy. Man seems somehow to be very stubborn about going into his own heart. Maybe he is afraid that he may find it there.

Psychologists say that there is a very deep-rooted fear of success in the human mind. It looks absurd when you hear for the first time that man is afraid of success, but when you ponder over it, slowly slowly it dawns on you that it has some deep relevance. Man is afraid of success, because if he succeeds, then what? That is the fear: then what? So in a subtle way he tries to succeed and yet creates such obstacles that he cannot succeed. On one hand he tries to succeed, on the other hand he disturbs his own success so the game can go on.

Just think of a day when you have succeeded and all that you desired has been attained, all that you always longed for is in your hands. Then what? – that is the fear. Then what will you do? – because all doing is searching, all doing is desiring, all doing is possible because there are goals which we have not attained yet. One is occupied, happily busy. Just think of it a moment and even in thinking you will start trembling inside: if all is fulfilled, then what? Would you like to succeed to that point? And when you think about that you will see the point of what psychologists mean when they say there is a deep-rooted fear of success.

And it does not happen only as far as the inner success is concerned: outer success also. It almost always happens that when a person is at the last rung of succeeding, something goes wrong. And he thinks something has gone wrong from the outside, no. He does something – he takes a wrong step, he moves in an opposite direction. He blames god and he blames fate and he blames society

and others, but if you search deep down you will find that people fail only when they were just going to succeed. There seems to be that deep fear which at the last moment says to them ‘What are you doing? Avoid it.’ It is very unconscious. They fail, and then they are busy again. That’s how people keep themselves busy; life in and life out they keep themselves busy.

This is called the wheel, the samsara, in the East; this is the world. That’s why people don’t go into the heart, which is the closest point to go to. They go on great journeys and pilgrimages, but they don’t search within. Somewhere, hidden, they know perfectly well that if they search there they are bound to find it – then what?

But sannyas means dropping that fear of success. The goal is very near... and within everybody’s grasp.

[A new sannyasin says she is afraid of groups.]

If you are afraid, it is better to go into one or two groups and drop the fear. That fear is not good. To carry it is like carrying a wound unhealed. Never follow fear, otherwise it becomes bigger and bigger and then the whole life becomes paralysed. Because it can’t be fear of a therapy group – it must be of many other things which can be exposed in a therapy group. Otherwise a therapy group is not a problem.

If somebody is afraid of looking into a mirror, it can’t be the mirror really; it must be his own face. He is afraid of something that may be there. And he may never forgive himself for seeing his own face: maybe it is ugly – he is afraid. But the only way to get rid of it is to face a mirror. And I have never come across an ugly person. Ugliness does not exist; it exists only in imagination. Everybody is born beautiful because everybody is born of that immense beauty called god.

Don’t be afraid, and expose yourself totally, because you can go into a group and still you can remain hiding, holding. Then it is pointless, it is unnecessary torture. You have to open up. This opportunity has to be used. And if you open up you will be surprised that there is nothing to fear.

And when the fear disappears you will feel liberated from a great bondage. And when there is no fear, love arises. Absence of fear is love. If there is fear, love cannnot arise.

Prem means love, anima means capacity to disappear. And only when one is capable of disappearing does love become possible.

Love arises when you are absent; when you are no more, then love is. Love is god and love is liberation...

Life is very paradoxical: when one is not, one is. In that non-being, one is not empty one is full, one is overflowing, one is super-abundant. One blooms, but those flowers are not the flowers of the ego – those are the flowers of innocence. And the whole art of life is how to live without being there at all. One walks, but there is nobody who is walking; one eats, but there is nobody who is eating; and one loves, and there is nobody who is loving. Life becomes just a process; there is nobody behind the process standing and holding everything. Then life is riverlike.

This is Buddha’s insight into existence; that’s why he calls the ultimate truth ‘nirvana’.’Nirvana’ means annihilation, disappearance. Just as you blow a candle out, allow me to blow you out!

[A sannyasin says there has been much chaos in her marriage, basically because she isn’t into sex and he is. Apart from that issue, everything is really harmonious.

Yes, it is a real problem – it is not a mind thing that you are creating. Your energy is moving in a very non-sexual way, and that is good, nothing is wrong with it; in fact, one should be very happy about it. But I can understand the problem – if his energy is moving sexually and your energy is moving non-sexually, then the meeting of the two energies will become difficult, and he will feel frustrated, angry.

So you have to do one thing: rather than fighting it, just act it... and it will be a great experience for you too. Act as if you are interested in it. You know that you are acting so you can be a witness to it. It is a very very deep-going experience if you can witness while making love. Only in this kind of energy can it be witnessed. All other things can be witnessed very easily. In walking you can witness that you are walking; in eating you can witness that you are eating.

The greatest problem that has been faced down the ages is witnessing while making love. It is very difficult because you become engrossed in it. The whole thing is so intoxicating. You are lost in it, the energy possesses you. The witness comes only later on, but then the moment is gone. And that moment is of immense value if it can be witnessed it becomes the greatest meditation possible. This is what tantra is all about. Tantra is not indulging in sex. Tantra is moving into sex and keeping yourself absolutely alert. If you are not alert it is not tantra; it is ordinary sex.

While making love, if you are still alert and aware and watchful, not for a single moment shaken inside, no trembling inside – the body is going through the whole act but you are there aloof, detached, a watcher on the hills and everything else is going on in the dark valley; you are sitting on the top of the hill watching it, unconcerned – that brings the greatest experience of meditation. And it has to be so, because sex is the polar opposite of meditation. That’s why for thousands of years the so-called religious people have been fighting with sex, because it is the polar opposite of meditation - it takes you as far away from your being as nothing else can. So they became anti-sex, but their becoming anti-sex has not helped; people simply became repressed.

This is the moment, when somebody’s energy is automatically on its own, slowly slowly moving away from sex – this is the moment when it can be transformed into a deep meditation. And if sex can be witnessed, you will be freed from another life. There will be no need to come back into the body, because it is sex that brings you back into the body, nothing else.

One comes through sex – two persons’ sexuality is needed for the body to emerge, and your sexuality is needed to enter into the body. So when a child is born, three sexualities are together. That is the real sexual trinity: the father, the mother and the child. But the child’s sexuality is needed as much as the father and mother’s; in fact the father’s and mother’s sexuality is secondary. The child’s interest in sex is of immense importance, otherwise he will not enter into the womb. The womb is such a confining place – one loses all freedom; it is getting into such a narrow space, in a tunnel. It is losing all freedom, all spaciousness, expansion.

But if one can be utterly free... and by saying ‘utterly free’ I mean when one can move into sex without moving into it, then one is utterly free. If one is afraid to move in it, then there is still some clinging. So don’t be afraid. Make it a point of meditation, and you will be immensely benefitted. You will be very grateful to your husband too, because through him you will have those glimpses of meditation. No need to say anything to him, otherwise he will be disturbed – because if the man feels that the woman is simply watching, then he will not have that joy; he will feel a little stupid. If you are meditating and he is making love to you it will look awkward to him, because then you are in a higher space – and that goes against the ego, against the grain.

So don’t talk about it, don’t say anything about it. Act, and when one is acting, one can act perfectly. If there is no orgasm, act the orgasm. Let him be satisfied. Soon you will be surprised: your witness will start affecting him; you need not say anything. Soon you will be so surprised that you will not be able to believe what is happening: by and by he will start becoming less and less interested. Because when a man or woman is moving deep into sex, they are most vulnerable; then anything close by gets deeper into them. You will be there so close, watching the whole scene watching yourself watching him, watching everything and remaining unaffected. This energy is bound to affect him. Slowly slowly it will penetrate into his being and one day he will suddenly find the interest in sex is gone.

When he has also come to this point of witnessing, then you can reveal the truth to him, not before that. In fact, leave it to me – when he comes, then I will see to it. Back home act and enjoy the act. And don’t create any trouble; there is no need to create any trouble, mm? If sex is his need, it has to be fulfilled. Nothing is wrong in the need itself.

[another sannyasin says: I’m involved in university studies. Sometimes it’s work and sometimes it’s play. Do I drop it if it’s work?]

No need to drop it – just make it play all the time...

Just make it a play. There is no need to drop anything. I am not in favour of any renunciation. Nothing has to be dropped, but everything has to be transformed. Dropping a thing is escaping, it doesn’t help, and you don’t change by dropping it; you remain the same. You will do something else and that will become work, because it is not a question of what you do: it is a question of your attitude and approach. The same thing can be done as work and the same thing can be done as play. So the question is not there, in what you are doing; the question is how you are doing it, with what attitude and approach. That has to be changed.

Make your whole life a play. And the more playful it is, the more blissful you will be. Bliss is a function of playfulness. The more it is work, the less joyful. Mm? then people simply go on working, hoping that by the weekend, on Sunday, they will be resting and playing. But they cannot rest and play because the six-day-habit cannot be easily changed. Unless you change it the whole week, you cannot change it suddenly.

So it happens almost always that the person who has been waiting the whole week for Sunday works more on Sunday than ever! He will mow the lawn and do a thousand and one things around the house, fixing this and fixing that. Sunday is very tiring! More accidents happen on Sunday than on any other day. More people die in auto accidents on Sunday, because they are all rushing towards

the beach or to the hills... and that too is work! Then people start thinking ‘When we retire...’ That is the same logic, the Sunday logic: when they retire, then they will be at ease. But by that time every habit has become so hard, almost steel, that it is difficult to melt it, and you don’t have energy to melt it either. The whole of life has gone down the drain.

Start transforming; whatsoever you are doing, do it playfully, don’t be serious about it. And then there will be no question of confusion.

Many things will confuse you – not because they are confusing but because of your interpretations. I will be saying many things while you are here, and again and again you will be confused. Whenever you are confused, that simply shows that you have come against something in yourself which needs to be changed. You have come across a block – that block has to be dissolved. Because I am here to give you clarity, not confusion. If confusion happens, that simply means that somewhere you have some habit, some pattern, some structure that is creating trouble; that structure can be changed.

It is our choice – we have chosen it so – the choice can be changed. Don’t be worried!

[Prem Chandra] It means love moon. The moon represents the feminine energy. And truth can be received only if you become feminine. One cannot be aggressive towards truth, one cannot be male. One cannot conquer truth. If you try to conquer it you will be crushed. One can only receive it; one can be open, one can be a womb. The message is to become more and more passive. Allow it in. Rather than searching for it, let it in. Open the door and wait.

Love is also feminine energy. So the moon represents the womb, and you can become a womb only if you are loving, trusting. Man cannot trust; only woman can trust. Science is basically male and religion is basically female. Science is a kind of attack, aggression, on nature, on reality; it is rape. It has destroyed the whole of nature; and there is every possibility that if it is not stopped it is going to kill us all, because the whole energy is sun energy. It is needed but it should never become predominant. The predominant energy should be the moon energy, because it is mother energy. The message is: become more and more feminine, receptive, passive. Let meditation be a kind of let-go.

The sutras I am talking about these days will be of immense help to you in understanding the meaning of your name and the message in it – waiting, pure waiting. That’s the meaning. It is difficult for man. That’s why god has become more and more impossible, almost unreal, because the whole world is dominated by man. God cannot exist with man’s energy. He recedes; we push him back.

Feminine energy has to be released into the world. My sannyas is an effort to release feminine energy. And the world can become a beautiful place to live in... it can become paradise. Meditate over it!

[A sannyasin says she is very scared.]

... love will start flowing and fear will disappear. And it is not a question of love towards whom – I am just an excuse. Let it grow towards me and you will find that you are becoming loving towards everybody else. If you can relate with me lovingly, you can relate with the whole existence lovingly; it is the same phenomenon.

This is one of the fundamental problems of the human mind: either love or fear... and we always choose fear so we waste our energy. Fear is as if a river is moving in a desert. Love is the river not moving in a desert but in a fertile land. Then much greenery, many trees, many flowers... then great songs of birds. Then life is creative.

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