15

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‌CHAPTER 15

3 October 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin said she went back to the West because her fifty-five-year-old father was dying of cancer.]

Not very old... but death makes no distinctions between the old and the young. Whenever it has to come, it comes. We are helpless against death, and that helplessness has been the very source of all religion. If death can be destroyed, then all religion will disappear from the earth. Death is a reminder from God not to take life very seriously; it is momentary and it has to go. So play around but don’t take it very seriously, because death will come and annihilate everything that you have made out of life. Only meditation cannot be destroyed by death. That is the only thing in the world that is not of the world and is beyond.

So don’t cry and don’t feel sorry for your father, because whether one dies at fifty-five or ninety-five makes no difference. Somebody’s dream is a little shorter and somebody’s dream is a little longer, but a dream is a dream! The length of the dream does not matter in the final analysis. In the final accounting, how long you dream does not matter. Fifty-five or ninety-five or five hundred years one can live, but whenever death comes the whole is annihilated. It is just as when in the morning you wake up and the whole night and the whole dream world is simply no more meaningful – it loses all meaning.

So make it a reminder for yourself, because whenever somebody like a father or a mother dies, something in you also dies. A father is not just outside; his being overlaps your being. You have come through him. He has been the vehicle to bring you to life and he occupies some inner space. When a father or mother dies, something of you also dies with them. You will never be the same again – a gap will be there. A father cannot be replaced, a mother cannot be replaced – they are irreplaceable.

So rather than crying and rather than feeling sorry – because those are the tricks of the mind to avoid death.If you start crying and weeping and feeling sorry, you are creating a mist around you,

a cloud, and you will not be able to see the fact of death. Death has to be looked directly in the eyes without any emotion interfering. Then death becomes meditation. No interference from the emotions – just looking directly into death.

Your father has died – this is a fact. Now whether you cry or not makes no difference, so what is the point? Whether you feel sorry for him or not makes no difference. Death has happened; you cannot undo it. So rather than wasting time, look into it. Look deeply into it, and in the death of your father you will see your own death coming, and the death of your children, and the death of your grandchildren. In the death of your father you can see the death of all your parents, your father’s father, his grandfather, and the grandfather’s grandfather.

Death is a universal fact – nobody is an exception to it; all are included in it. Rich and poor, intelligent and unintelligent, black and white, strong and weak, pious and non-pious, sinners and saints – all are included. Death is very universal. Look into the fact of death and you will see the whole existence dying, and that will give you a deep insight – not only about death but about life, because it is life that brings death.

Death is implied in life, inbuilt; it unfolds. When the child is born, he starts dying from the very first breath that he takes. When he has taken one breath, he is one breath old – something has died. Just in the very birth, something starts dying. It will take seventy or fifty-five or ninety years for death to unfold, but it seems that life carries the seed of death in itself.

Look into this death, meditate over it without any interference from the emotions. Face it, and that very encounter will give you a deep understanding of life. Then your life can never be the same again, because what is the point then? What your father was doing is meaningless. You will be doing the same, and death will come and destroy everything. So do something which death cannot destroy.

And I say to you that there is only one thing which death cannot destroy, and that is meditation. Everything is vulnerable to death, only meditation is not. The deeper you go inwards, the further away you are from death. The further out you move, the deeper you move into death. At the innermost core there is no death. At the outermost periphery, there is only death – nothing else. Look out and you look into death. Look in and you look into the deathless. That deathlessness is what meditation is all about.

Ordinarily nobody thinks about death, but when something like this happens, a calamity – the father is no more, the mother is no more, the beloved is no more. your child has died – these rare moments have to be used, these rare moments should not be wasted.

So get out of the emotions, because it is futile. Get out of this Charlie Brown cloud and look into death. The further away you are, the more death will become a memory and you will accept it and then it will not be possible to use it. You are still close to it; it is still fresh – the wound has not healed. I can see that the wound is still there. Before it is healed, use it. And this wound can become a message to the beyond.

Very good. Just meditate about it – and love more. Love and death are very similar. Good.…

[A sannyasin says: I’m very happy and everything’s beautiful and yet there are moments when I don’t know what’s happening to me.]

Mm mm. When everything is going beautifully and happily, many things will happen which are beyond understanding. You will never be able to understand them because ‘you’ means the past experiences – and things that are happening are absolutely new. So you cannot understand because you have never known them.

Even this feeling of well-being – that everything is going well – will not be possible to understand because people understand only that which they have known in the past. Understanding means recognition from the past.

If you have known somebody from the past and then you see him on the road, you recognise him – maybe vaguely – but still you recognise that this face seems to be known, the way this person is walking seems to be familiar. Then you start searching in your memory and something bubbles up and you recognise. But if the person is really a stranger whom you have never known before, there is simply no recognition, then your memory cannot function – that’s what happens.

When things really start going well, you feel at a loss. You cannot understand what is happening. That is an indication that something is happening. When you can understand what is happening, then nothing is happening because it must be some recognition of the past – maybe a little modified, changed, but it must be something belonging to the past. When you can understand, it means it is nothing of much value. When you cannot understand, something is happening. The valuable is beyond the mind and beyond understanding. The valuable is so new that the past cannot comprehend it. The valuable is so fresh that it is not a continuity with the past; it is discontinuous.

There is a very famous zen story about a disciple who had come to see his master. The master lives on a hilltop in a dense forest. It is evening, the sun is setting, and the disciple thinks many times to leave the master and go back because he has to pass through miles of forest and hilly track and then he will be able to reach to his village. But the presence of the master is so enchanting that he cannot gather courage to leave him, so he lingers on and on. And then it is almost midnight, and the master says, ‘Now it is time – you should go.’ He looks outside – it is dark, there is no moon, and he becomes apprehensive. To pass through the woods on such a dark night is dangerous.

Seeing that the disciple is apprehensive, the master asks, ‘What is the problem? Why are you afraid?’ The disciple says, ‘Master, it is so dark outside and there is no moon in the sky even. I feel afraid.’ So the master takes a candle, lights it and gives it to him, and says, ‘You can take this candle with you.’ When the disciple is getting ready and going out of the door, the master blows the candle out. Suddenly there is darkness, darker than before, and silence.

The disciple says, ‘Master I don’t understand.’ And the master says, ‘There is no need to understand. Be a light unto yourself. My light is not going to help you. A borrowed light is not going to help you. You will have to find your own light. The night is dark, life is dark and there is danger and risk on every step. But you will have to find your own light.’

And the story says that suddenly something dawned on the disciple – his first satori. The disciple said, ‘Master, now I don’t understand at all. First it was possible for me to make some effort to understand, but now I don’t understand at all!’

The master laughs, and in the dark night the laughter spreads all over the hilly track and the master says, ‘Now there is absolutely no need. I see that you see that something has happened. I understand what has happened, but I cannot say it to you. I know you cannot understand it but when it happens next time, by and by it will become familiar, and you will start understanding it.’

But remember, when you start understanding it, it is a dead thing; then throw it away – it is knowledge. When you understand a thing, it becomes knowledge. When you don’t understand, it remains learning; there is an opening.

Something is happening, I can see, but I am not going to explain it to you. I can see that you can see; I can understand but you will not – and there is no need. Simply go into the dark night of it. Simply go into the infinity of it. It is immeasurable and the mind cannot measure it. It is more than the mind. The mind is not capable of containing it, so drop the container! Don’t try to force the sky into a small container. This is not possible; it never works.

Drop this container and go with the unknown that knocks at your door, and drop all efforts to understand it, because those efforts will be barriers to moving. The mind says to first understand, then to go wherever you want to, but first it makes certain that you understand where you are going and what is happening. The mind wants to label it, to categorise it. When everything is labelled and categorised and boxed, the mind feels at ease because everything is dead. When there is no label, no name and you don’t know how to figure it out, the mind feels very apprehensive. The night is very dark and the mind feels afraid. The mind will continuously pull you back.

Just tell the mind that the night is dark, but it is beautiful. It is so silent, so fantastically beautiful, and you don’t care at all now for understanding. You are going to have this experience – the experience of the unknown or even maybe of the unknowable. You are going into this dark night not knowing where you will land, not knowing in which direction you are going, not knowing whether it is good to go or not. But the night is hypnotic and it is calling you, and you are going.

Only one thing should always be remembered – that if you are feeling a sense of well-being, are happy, then everything is going well. That is indicative that although you may not be able to understand, your being is feeling good. You are getting closer and closer to your centre – only then this well-being wells up.

So listen to this well-being, this happiness, and just go into the unknown. It is uncharted, unmapped territory. Not even milestones are there.

But very good. I’m happy. Things are really falling into an alignment, are moving. Good.

[A sannyasin says: There’s a constant companion in my head that is always prejudging what people are going to think about me, about what I do. And I can’t get rid of it. I can’t lose myself in anything spontaneously.]

I understand. You are creating a double-bind, a dilemma – and you are creating it. For example, if being spontaneous is taken as a discipline, you will create trouble for yourself. Whatsoever is happening is spontaneous, and you are trying to be spontaneous. If you succeed, that will not be spontaneous. This confusion is spontaneous. Try to see the point. Sex is in the mind, and a

continuously judging and guilty, critical mind is there, always thinking about what others will say, always trying to perform – this is your spontaneity.

Now you are trying to become spontaneous – which means that all these things should stop. Now what type of spontaneity are you trying for? Will it be spontaneous when you force all these things to stop? It will be a very unspontaneous thing. Spontaneity is that which is. Whatsoever is the case is what spontaneity is. To be spontaneous means not to hanker for anything else that is not already there. If your mind judges, so what?

[The sannyasin answers: But it makes me feel uncomfortable.]

So be uncomfortable! What I am saying is that is what you are – so be uncomfortable. And secondly, if you can accept being uncomfortable and you can accept whatsoever is happening, you will be spontaneous. Spontaneity is not a goal – it is an understanding. It is not something that has to be practised. All that has to be practised will make you more and more like a robot, mechanical. Spontaneity is that which is already happening without your doing anything about it. Now not to ask otherwise is enough.

For one month, really be spontaneous – and when I say spontaneous, I’m not giving you a goal. I’m simply saying that whatsoever is the case, is the case. If you are judging, you are judging. You feel a sexual fantasy, so okay. And you feel uncomfortable with it – good. Just try to understand and see. It can be seen immediately – and then all problems disappear.

This is the way you are. Trying to become somebody else, trying to become better, trying to improve, is the whole nonsensical approach that has corrupted humanity down the centuries, down the ages. All the religions have been corrupted because of this constant hankering that one has to improve, one has to become this or that. Maybe the goal is becoming spontaneous. These are just fashions. Sometimes the goal is to become holy, sometimes the goal is to become a saint, sometimes the goal is to become a revolutionary, sometimes the goal is to become spontaneous – but the goal is always there; whatsoever you call it makes no difference. All goals create tension and anguish. Live without goals – then you are spontaneous.

And remember, I am not saying to try to live without goals, otherwise that becomes a goal and again you are in the dilemma. So I am not saying to do something. I am simply saying that whatsoever is the case, is the case.

[The sannyasin answers: Yes, it makes sense but it seems impossible.]

Let it be impossible. When you say that it seems impossible, you have already translated it into a goal. When you say impossible, you are saying, ‘Whatsoever you are saying I understand, but I cannot do it. It is very difficult.’ But I’m not saying to do anything, so it cannot be impossible, because only an act can be impossible. Possible, impossible is not the question; they are irrelevant. It is already happening. You are not to do it! You are critical, you are judgemental – that is happening. You are uncomfortable – that is happening.

And if you don’t get more confused by my saying, then I would like to say one thing more. If you still find that it is difficult to accept, accept this rejection also. If you feel it is uncomfortable to accept

this and you feel a natural rejection arising, accept that rejection too. But in the ultimate, in the final state, acceptance has to be there.

For one month simply live without goals, without any effort to improve. You are not to become a saint. I’m not here to help you become saints. I am here just to help you to live the life that is already available.

This is what everybody all over the world is doing, and everybody is miserable. This attitude – that something else should be there – is the constant cancer-like thing which goes on giving you new wounds and makes your life a hell. It does not work. Once you understand that whatsoever is the case is okay, that’s how you are and that’s how God wants you to be, you relax and start living your life – whatsoever it is.

There is no other life. All other life is in the mind.

You are not confused because of your life – you are confused because of your ideals. First you judge and then you judge the judgement. You are in what logicians call an infinite regression. First you judge and then you judge that the judgement is not right – one should not judge. And then you are in trouble. Now you have made two judgements; instead of one, you have made two. And now I am saying something, so you can make a third judgement. First you can judge and then there is a second judgement – that one should not judge – and then Osho says, ‘Be spontaneous,’ so now the third judgement. And you go on ad infinitum.

So, simply whatsoever is the caseTrying is not the right word. Trying has never helped anybody.

I’m simply saying that for one month, simply live the way you are living... happily enjoy it. And after one month, tell me how you are feeling. Any day something can click and you may be able to see that what you were doing was trying unnecessarily. That way does not work. One is pulling oneself up by the shoe strings. That does not work.

Two plus two is four. If you try to make it five it is not going to work. If you want to make three, it is not going to work. It simply works in only one way – that is, two plus two makes four. This is the only way your life is working – judgements, sexuality, dreams, thoughts, fears. This is the way your life is working – simply relax into it. Stop fighting against it and stop improving it – rather, start living it.

For one month just give me a try. I’m not saying you try – just give me a try. Just relax and let life pass. Let life move as it moves; you simply go with it. And after one month, tell me.

[A sannyasin says that when she tries anything it takes her away from herself. However she is not happy. If she tries she gets knots in herself. If she doesn’t try then she falls asleep.]

... Because that has to be understood. If you are happy, there is no problem. You have to decide about that. I don’t see that you are happy, so whatsoever I was saying to [someone else] I’m not saying to you. Never listen when I am talking to somebody else. Never! Just listen to what I am saying to you.

... So it is not going to help. Come to the extreme of trying. From there the jump is possible. For you it is going to happen that way.

You want to avoid trying. I have told him not to try because he wants to try. Do you feel the difference? He wants to try. His whole ego trip is his effort and trying. And your ego trip is escaping, avoiding, so your problems are different.

Now listening to me talking to him, you felt very very happy. You said, ‘Right. This is what I would like!’ But I’m not going to say that to you. I am going to force you into effort. First you should try as hard as possible. Don’t hold yourself back; go into it completely. One day when I see that now you have learned the trick of trying and you don’t want to get out of it, then I will tell you, ‘Jump out of it!’

I am a problem-creator (a chuckle). I don’t allow people to live at ease, because if I leave you at ease, you will fall asleep.

That’s exactly what you have said – your observation is right. If you don’t make any effort, you will fall asleep. So first make all the efforts possible, and wait. The day I see that now you are getting into another racket of trying, I will pull you out. The moment I see that now you are enjoying it and you would like to continue, I will pull you out – not before.

Then it will be a release, a relaxation, a release, an explosion. Right now you can get out of it and nothing will happen – you will fall asleep, and then there are problems of sleep. So first make all the efforts as totally as possible. When I see that now you have really done it and you are not avoiding and escaping, I will release you. But a little more effort is needed. Mm? Good!

[A sannyasin says: I sometimes feel jealous and aggressive about people living in the ashram. It sometimes seems to be like a false rose garden – which you don’t promise anybody.]

But what is your problem? That may be their problem. You don’t live in the ashram. That is their problem... their problem. If you are trying to solve others’ problems it is difficult, because the world is very big. You will not be able to solve others’ problems. Simply stick to your problems – even those are impossible to solve!

Simply forget all about others. If they feel that they are living in a rose garden, that is their trip. And if they are enjoying it, why disturb them? I am enough to disturb them – you are not needed! Don’t get into it. Simply think about your problems. Once your problems are solved, I will tell you to solve others’ problems – but first solve your own.

There are a thousand and one types of people. They have their own problems, their own trips going. And you can never judge whether that is their problem or their real experience. Your interpretation is not their fact – cannot be. Your interpretation is your interpretation. They may really be living in a rose garden. I may not be promising, but still they may really be living in a rose garden. But that is your interpretation; it is irrelevant to bother about.Leave them to themselves. Their hell is their hell, their heaven is their heaven. Don’t waste your time on it. Just work out your own problems.

What is your problem? Tell me about that.

[He replies: My problem is my escape into thoughts and dreams, going into the past, into my life’s history and into the future. It seems that sometimes I forget the present.

Osho checks his energy.]

You are holding your energy. It wants to explode. it is ready to take a jump, but you are holding it; you are still controlling it. Much is ready to happen but you are controlling. So lose control. Don’t be a controlling agent. Let the energy control you rather than you controlling it.

[The sannyasin said he was doing the Encounter group next.]

Very good. So lose all control and simply move into it without any centre inside you which is trying to do this and not to do that, to be like this and not to be like that. Simply go with whatsoever you feel. Maybe it is crazy; there is nothing wrong in that. One should not be stupid. that’s all. There is nothing wrong about being crazy. When the energy is really too much, one goes crazy many times. It is just an indication of a great energy arising.

Just today I was reading a story. A group of economists were meeting to discuss some international financial problem. A gentleman entered, an old man. He listened very attentively to the talks that were going on. Then he said, ‘I also have a few suggestions to make. I’m a retired professor of economics.’

They listened attentively. He really made very significant suggestions and he was the most consistent speaker that day. They were all impressed, tremendously impressed.

As he was just going to finish his speech, two policemen came rushing into the room and got hold of the man. They said. ‘Excuse us for disturbing you but this man is mad and he thinks that he is a retired professor of economics. He has escaped from the madhouse.’

Now everybody was puzzled because he had talked so consistently that if he was mad, who was sane? The old man started laughing, and he said, ‘Don’t be worried. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid !’

I liked that. In fact stupid people are never crazy, and intelligent people almost always tend to be crazy. The greater intelligence is there, the more eccentric you find the person; he will be a little crazy. He will not be normal, he will be unusual, uncommon. Stupid people are very very normal in a way – they are never crazy.

So always remember, don’t be afraid of becoming crazy, because that is just intelligence, too much energy trying to find out ways to move, where to move to. There is such a traffic jam when too much energy comes. If you control, you stop your growth. Allow it.

In the beginning it is always, at least apparently, crazy. And people who are very much afraid of being thought crazy never grow. That seems to be your trouble. Don’t be afraid of what people think. Let them think! If they think that you are crazy, you can always say to them, ‘I may be crazy but I’m not stupid!’

If you don’t allow your energy, if energy gets stuck, it creates stupidity. Moving energy is intelligent. A stale, stagnant energy becomes stupid – it is a dead weight. If you start moving you will have such tremendous possibilities opening before you that you have not dreamed about. Your future can be a very bright, growing future, but the basic thing is going to be no control.

Accept it and go into it. You will find such fresh energy moving in you and such a fresh consciousness arising, that it is worth it.

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