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‌CHAPTER 1

29 May 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin returning to the West, said that he was feeling ‘okay’ about himself.]

Okay is not enough... feel blessed. Okay is not a very ecstatic word; it is just lukewarm. So feel blessed – and it is a question of feeling. Whatsoever you feel, you become. It is your responsibility.

If you are not feeling good, that’s how you have created it in the past. If you feel miserable, it is your own work. That’s what we mean in India when we say, ‘It is your own karma.’ ‘Karma’ means your own action. It is what you have done to yourself.

And once you understand that this is what you have done to yourself, you can drop it. It is your attitude; nobody is forcing you to feel that way. It is your choice. You have chosen it – maybe unconsciously, maybe for some subtle reasons which feel good at the time but which turn out to be bitter, but you have chosen it.

It feels hard when it is said that you have chosen your misery, because the consolation that somebody else is creating it, is taken away too; even that is not allowed. But if you understand it, it is a great freedom. Then it is up to you. If you want to carry it, you carry it. If you want to drop it, not for a single moment are you forced to carry it.

Just the other day I was looking at an account of Bennett’s memoirs. He was one of the oldest disciples of Gurdjieff; he remained longest with Gurdjieff. He recalls that one day he had worked really hard – and Gurdjieff used to force people to work as hard as possible; almost to the point of their falling with exhaustion. Bennett had worked hard and he was just thinking to rest when Gurdjieff gave him some new work to do – to go into the forest and cut wood.

It was almost impossible. He could not even walk! He was so tired and feeling so sleepy that he felt he would fall anywhere on the road. But when Gurdjieff said to do it, he had to. That was a deep

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commitment between Gurdjieff and his disciples – that whatsoever he said, they would do. He was dictatorial. And that is the only way to work; there is no other way. If one is lenient, nothing will happen.

So Bennett went, against his own wishes, somehow just dragging himself. While he was cutting wood, suddenly he had a very great satori... a great energy rushed into him. All tiredness went and he felt more alive than ever before in his life. He was as alive and as vital as if he had been resting for many days. He felt so elated, so happy, so vibrating, that an idea came into his mind, that if in this tremendous energy he were to desire anything, it would happen immediately.

So he said to himself, ‘Let me feel sadness,’ and immediately he became as sad as if the whole of the world had become dark; he was surrounded with darkness. He started slipping into a hell. He could not believe it – in just a single moment!

He immediately pulled himself out and said, ‘Let me be happy,’ and he was happy again. Then he tried it with all the emotions – with anger, love, compassion, Jealousy. An idea would just come to his mind and his whole being would become that.

That day he realised what masters have always been saying: that it is you who create all your emotions – your hell and heaven, your love and hate.

But if you don’t understand that it is your creation, you remain in the bondage. Once you understand that it is you, why settle for okayness? That is not much. And your life will not be a life of song and dance and celebration. Just by being okay, how will you celebrate? Just by being okay, how will you love? Why be so miserly about it?

But there are many people who are stuck at okayness. They have lost all energy just because of their ideas. Okayness is like a person who is not sick but who is also not healthy; he is so-so. You cannot call him ill and you cannot call him healthy. He is standing just between these two. He is not ill and cannot be hospitalised but he is not alive and healthy. He cannot celebrate. That’s what okayness is.

So drop that. I will suggest that if it is too difficult for you to feel blissful, at least feel miserable. That will be something; at least energy will be there. You can cry and weep. You may not be able to laugh, but tears are possible. Even that will be life. But okayness is very cold. Either be miserable or happy... and if there is a question of choosing, why choose misery when you can choose happiness?

Back home, continue to meditate – at least one meditation each day. And this is going to be your moment-to-moment meditation: remember to feel blessed. If you can do that much, when you come back next time much will be possible.

[A sannyasin said that she had been in Nepal for two months. When she left Poona, after the Enlightenment day celebration, she felt very open and good; then later became very afraid and paranoid of people]

It can happen sometimes that if you suddenly feel open, you can feel fear coming. Openness is vulnerability. When you are open, you feel at the same time that something wrong can enter you. That is not just a feeling; it is a possibility.

That’s why people are closed. If you open the door for the friend to come in, the enemy can also come in. Clever people have closed their doors. To avoid the enemy, they don’t even open the door for the friend. But then their whole life becomes dead.

... It is just the idea; just the idea that something wrong can enter you. There is nothing that could happen, because basically we have nothing to lose – and that which we have cannot be lost. That which can be lost is not worth keeping. When this understanding becomes tacit, one remains open.

Let winds come, let the sun come – everything is welcome. Once you become attuned to living with an open heart, you will never close. But a little time has to be given to it. You went immediately after the enlightenment day so you must have been feeling very open. It can happen on those days. That’s why I insist on people being here then. You can ride on the wave and something can open. But then you have to maintain that opening, otherwise it will close again.

Only fear has to be feared, nothing else. And people are not afraid of fear; they are afraid of a thousand and one things. But fear is the only enemy, because with fear you start being crippled. You stop moving, expanding, contacting, relating, because of the fear. Who knows? – something may go wrong.

You don’t love people because that will be a commitment, an involvement, so you keep aloof, remain away – never go too far in so that you cannot come out. But then you never touch any depth, you never touch anybody’s heart. If you don’t allow some-body to touch your heart, how will you be able to touch his? So people remain protected, defensive.

I can see that even lovers are defending themselves. Then they cry and weep because nothing is happening. They have closed all the windows and are suffocating. No new light has come in and it is almost impossible to live, but still they drag on somehow. But they don’t open because fresh air seems to be dangerous. It brings messages from the outside and disturbs your pattern. You have lived in a closed cell, and anything from the outside gives you a certain feeling of apprehension that now you will have to change your pattern. A guest comes and now you will have to change your pattern. You will have to make up a bed for him; you will have to share. Fear arises.

So this time, just remain alert. When you feel open, try to enjoy it. These are rare moments. In these moments move out so that you can have an experience of openness. Once the experience is there, solid in your hands, then you can drop the fear. You can say that it is nonsense. You will see that being open is such a treasure which you were losing unnecessarily. And the treasure is such that nobody can take it away. The more you share it, the more it grows. The more open you are, the more you are. One becomes rooted, grounded.

Just think of a tree. You can bring a tree inside the room and, in a way, it will be protected; the wind will not be so hard on it. When storms are raging outside, it will be out of danger. But there will be no challenge; everything will be protected. You can put it in a hot-house, but by and by the tree will start becoming pale, it will not be green. Something deep inside will start dying – because challenge shapes life.

Those strong winds that hit hard are not really enemies. They help to integrate you. They look as if they will uproot you, but fighting with them you become rooted. You send your roots even deeper

than the storm can reach and destroy. The sun is very hot and it seems it will burn. but the tree sucks up more water to protect itself against the sun. It becomes greener and greener. Fighting with natural forces, it attains to a certain soul.

The soul arises only through struggle.

If things are very easy, you start dispersing. By and by you disintegrate, because integration is not needed at all. You become like a pampered child. So when it happens, live it courageously. And I am here.

That’s what the whole purpose of my being here is – to help you to be courageous, to inspire you in moments when, if alone, you would have closed; to push you in directions where you won’t go willingly on your own... to push you beyond yourself, and to help you to expand your boundaries so that by and by you start cherishing freedom. Then one day comes when you drop all boundaries and simply move into the open sky.

Mm? Try it!

[Previously Osho had advised a sannyasin to meditate on her relationship. She now reports back that she is not in love with her boyfriend. She has become aware of how closed she is.]

Right. You could see something – and that’s beautiful. Much can happen.…

... Every insight, even if it is very hard to accept, helps. Even if it goes against the grain, then too it helps. Even if it is very ego-shattering, it helps. Insight is the only friend. And one should be ready to see into any fact, without just trying or rationalising in any way. You did well... I am happy.

Out of this insight, many things happen. If you don’t love a person and you go on pretending that you do, then you will never be able to love because you are taking something for granted that is not there. You have missed the first insight into the matter and now you will be puzzled and confused. Many problems will be there, but there will be no solution in sight, because from the very first step a truth has not been accepted. So you are falsifying your own being.

There are many people who have so many problems, but those problems are not real. Ninety-nine percent of problems are false. So if they are not solved, you are in trouble, and even if they are solved, nothing will happen because they are not your real problems. When you have solved some false problems, vou will create others. So the first and foremost thing is to penetrate into what is the real problem and to see it as it is.

To see the false as false is the beginning of the vision of being able to see truth as truth. To see the false as false is on the way. Then one can see what is true.

If you see that there is no love, the problem takes a totally new turn. Then it is not a question of the other person. It is a basic question about you. Why can’t you love? It can become a self-growth. Then you have to find ways of loving. It is not a question of one person – because you can change the person but you will remain the same. You will go on playing the same game.

The real question is why love is not flowering in you.

Once you understand this, the right question has been caught red-handed and things start moving. Just go on watching it and whenever you see that you are doing something which is against love, drop it; don’t do it. That is the beginning. It is difficult to Love in the beginning, but even if we can drop unloving acts, that will be a great help.

We don’t love. But that is not the only problem. We unlove: a negative energy moves.

So first start dropping anything that you feel is unloving: any attitude any word that you have used out of habit but which now suddenly you feel is cruel – it is not loving, it is not kind. Drop it! Feel sorry that you used it. Always be ready to say, ‘I am sorry.’

Very few people are capable of saying, ‘I am sorry.’ Even when they appear to be saying it, they are not. It may be just a social formality. To really say ‘I am sorry’ is a great understanding. You are saying that you have done. something wrong – and you are not just trying to be polite. You are withdrawing something. You are withdrawing an act that was going to happen. You are withdrawing a word that you had uttered.

So withdraw unlove, and as you do you will see many more facts – that it is not really a question of how to love. It is only a question of how not to love. It is just like a spring covered with stones and rocks. You remove the rocks and the spring starts flowing. It is there.

Every heart has love, because the heart cannot exist without it. It is the very pulse of life

Nobody can be without love; that is impossible. It is a basic truth that everyone has love – has the capacity to love and to be loved. But some rocks – wrong upbringing, wrong attitudes, cleverness, cunningness and a thousand and one things – are blocking the path.

Withdraw unloving acts, unloving words, unloving gestures, and then suddenly you will catch yourself in a very loving mood. Many moments will come when suddenly you will see that something is bubbling – and there was love, just a glimpse. By and by those moments will become longer. So for one month you try.

[A normally extrovertive sannyasin: I feel that as my energy is turning inwards, it is getting lower and lower.

I don’t see it as you do. It is not low energy. The energy is moving with a low speed but it is not low energy.

You were moving at a mad speed. For your whole life you have been a doer: managing, manoeuvering, active, male. That’s why I said to you to relax, not to do anything and to let things happen. I wanted you to become feminine. I wanted you to become passive, relaxed.

When a person who has lived in an active mood starts becoming passive, he experiences it as low energy. By calling it low energy you are condemning it. The active mind says, ‘What are you doing? You are simply dying! Get hold of yourself and become the doer that you have always been. Perform – just don’t be a watcher. This way you will disappear into death.’

I knew that it would happen to you one day.-When energy really moves slow, it is felt by the old active mind as if it is low energy. It is just slow movement... a river flowing so slowly that you cannot even feel that it is flowing.

A shallow river makes much noise. A deep river makes no noise. If the river is really deep, you cannot even guess that it is moving. The movement is very very slow, very subtle, very silent, with no noise.

That’s what is happening: the energy is moving slowly. But you compare it with your past, hence the problem. If you can remain in this mood and drop the judgement, a totally new being will arise out of you. Then I will tell you to become active again. But one should be active only if one has attained to passivity, not before it. Then you can do many things and yet remain a non-doer.

That is what Lao Tzu calls ‘action through non-action’. You still do but there is no one as the doer. There is no hankering to do. You simply do it because it is needed. Life needs it – you do it.

So I don’t see it as a problem; rather I see it as a solution. But I understand your difficulty. If one has lived on a higher pitch and only in the marketplace with noise noise noise, then when you move into a more silent place, you feel it is almost like a cemetery.

I used to live in a house outside a town. The bungalow belonged to a very rich friend, but nobody lived in it because it was so silent and so lonely that people thought there might be ghosts there; it was called a ghost bungalow.

I told the friend that I would like to live in it. He said, ‘Have you gone mad? Nobody wants to live there !’ But I said, ‘I am going. Don’t be worried ! Just give me the key.’

It was really a beautiful place... on a small lake with big forests all around it and hills, and it was ten miles from the town. I lived there for a few months, and by and by the friend and his wife started to come and see me because they became aware that there are no ghosts and that the house is not haunted or possessed.

They decided to move in with me, so I said it was perfectly good because it was a big place. They came but the wife could not live there. They had always lived in the marketplace. She said, ‘It is so dead. I cannot live here, I cannot sleep at night.’

They used to live exactly in the middle of the town and almost all night the t would continue. They were accustomed to living in that noise, so when they came to that silent place they could not sleep. They were disturbed – disturbed by the silence. I tried to convince the woman that it was a beautiful place, but they had to return to the town.

For a few more days I would like you to continue to relax. Stop condemnation, stop judgement, and start enjoying this en-ergy. It is a rare blissful state – this silence, this state of slow movement that looks like sadness to you.

We don’t see facts; we always compare. That’s why we miss many things. For one week simply look at it as it is. Don’t compare and don’t call it names. Don’t call it low energy and don’t call it sadness. Why bother about labelling it? Whatsoever it is, let it be so. Simply watch it.

We are too addicted to words. If a stone is lying there and somebody says, ‘A diamond!’ immediately you become interested. The stone was lying there before he had ever said anything, but then it was not a diamond because nobody had said so.

Now somebody suddenly says. ‘A diamond!’ and the word rings many bells in your heart. Immediately, the stone – maybe it was not a diamond – has a value. The word has put the value on it.

This is one of the most basic things for a seeker to understand: not to allow words to distort vision. Otherwise the perception is contaminated, the clarity is lost and your consciousness becomes polluted. Don’t allow words. Simply enjoy whatsoever is happening.

You look so silent, but still in your silence I can see that deep down you think it is sadness. Your face does not show silence but sadness. I can see it. Inside, deep down in your heart it is a silence, but on your face it becomes a sadness. Between these two – the heart and the face – somewhere the mind interprets it. You look sad. You should look silent but you are interpreting it.

If you are feeling sad, then enjoy that sadness. What can be done? It is there so why not enjoy it? Sing a sad song or dance a sad dance. If you feel that it is low energy, let it be low energy. Lie down and look at the stars... rest, don’t move. Breathe slowly, move slowly.

Don’t try to change anything in any way for seven days, and then tell me after that. In these seven days, no interpretation, no commentary, no judgement, no comparison whatsoever. Be as if you are moving into a world where you don’t know anything so you cannot label anything. Everything is strange, so you have simply to note that something has happened.

After seven days I will ask about the description, not about your judgement. You will have to describe it to me. If energy is moving low... I say that energy is moving slow; you say energy is low. Whatsoever it is, simply describe it after seven days.

There is a very famous story about a zen master, Chou Chou. A monk asked him, ‘What is true religion?’

It was a full-moon night and the moon was rising.The master remained silent for a long time; didn’t

say anything. And then suddenly he came to life and said, ‘Look at the cypress in the courtyard.’ A beautiful cool breeze was blowing and playing with the cypress and the moon had just come above the branch. It was beautiful, incrediblealmost impossible that it could be so beautiful.

But the monk said, ‘This was not my question. I’m not asking about the cypress in the courtyard, nor about the moon or its beauty. My question has nothing to do with this. I am asking what true religion is. Have you forgotten my question?’

The master again remained silent for a long time. Then again he came to life and said, ‘Look at the cypress in the courtyard!’

True religion consists of the herenow. The fact of this moment is what true religion is all about.

So if you are feeling sad, then that is the cypress in the courtyard. Look at it... just look at it. There is nothing else to be done. That very look will reveal many mysteries. It will open many doors. So for seven days look at the cypress in the court-yard and whatsoever the cypress is in any particular moment, look at it. Try, mm? Good!

[A sannyasin says: I’ve come because I feel so tense with you. At the lecture in the morning I feel only tenseness and closedness and no love. I would like this to break.]

I understandDon’t try to do anything about it; just wait. One day it will explode of its own accord.

If you do anything it may explode before its right time and then it will not give much to you. Let it mature.

This tension is like a pregnancy. For nine months the child has to grow in the mother’s womb. If the child is born before its time, it will always remain weak and his health will always be a hazard. This tension is a spiritual pregnancy. So don’t do anything.

In the morning enjoy it. It is just as a woman when she is pregnant feels heavy in the stomach and breathing becomes difficult. She cannot digest food well; she feels nauseous and sometimes she vomits. She feels uneasy but still she feels happy because she is carrying a new life. She is going to become a mother.

So it will be difficult and you will feel many times to get rid of it, but that will be an abortion. Or, if you become too concerned, there may be a miscarriage. So don’t do anything; protect it. That tension is good. It will become more and more intense and become almost like a burning fire in you. It will be imploding and will become smaller and smaller and smaller. It will become almost unbearable, but you have to bear it and bear it blissfully.

One day it starts exploding – but then it is a rebirth. When the right moment comes it will happen. So forget all about it. One should not be too conscious of these things, otherwise the very consciousness becomes a disturbance.

[The sannyasin adds: And I’ve had this big dream about getting enlightened.]

Mm, leave it. That dream is also okay. Unless you dream, how are you going to become enlightened? Before one becomes enlightened, one has to dream many things !

Very good [chuckling]. Dream well.and make it more colourful and musical!

[An indian sannyasin, said that she was aware of feelings of anger that were coming up directed towards her husband. She then went on to tell Osho that she would be going to the States for a short time.]

I think it is not really anger; it is something else. You have always been suppressing anger. You were just holding things in because of fear. You are becoming truer, more authentic. When somebody becomes truer, many problems arise.

That’s why people are false. They are false because of their cleverness. The husband is saying something, and the wife remains in control because it is too risky and there is already too much trouble. Why create more? One simply swallows it.

But that is not good because that makes you false. And if you cannot be angry with your husband, love will disappear – because when one emotion disappears, others also disappear; they exist together.

When you meditate, by and by you will become true. Sometimes when you feel angry you will say that you are angry. Of course he will feel offended because he was not expecting it, but don’t be worried about that. Simply say that now you will be true, sincere, and that whatsoever is happening to you, you will say. Say to yourself that you will not go on repressing – whatsoever the cost.

I’m not saying to be angry. I’m saying that when anger is there, don’t hide it. When love is there, don’t hide that either. You will become more angry, more loving, more quarrelling, more kind – all together.

An authentic person is alive, and whatsoever happens, he allows it to happen. It is risky – that’s why people become inauthentic. That is less risky but then life loses all meaning. One is simply dragging oneself, somehow pulling.

For three months you will be in America, and that will be good. So for three months be true and be alive. It will be easier to be alive in America than in India. India is so dead and has remained dead for so long that it is almost difficult to become real, flowing, authentic, here. In America it will be easier for you to become real, authentic, flowing. Forget all the nonsense that has been conditioned into your mind. Then come back and whatsoever happens, face it.

I am here to help you to face reality.

I am not here to help you to adjust with all sorts of things. I am not in favour of adjusting. If something is becoming ugly between two persons and it is impossible to come to a loving relation-ship, then separate. Why cripple each other? Why destroy each other’s life? That is very very bad. It is not compassion – it is murder.

If I cannot live with someone and the whole twenty-four hours have become poisoning, then I am poisoning the person and it will be a friendly act to remove myself so I am not poisoned and the other is not poisoned. Either come to a loving relationship or separate. No relationship is, in itself, the end.

Love is the end.

If the relationship is fulfilling love, then good, beautiful. If it is destroying love, there is no point in it.

These three months will be very helpful. Meditate and be free. Try to become a person in your own right. The indian woman has lost personality. She never thinks in terms of her own life. She simply thinks in terms of being a wife, of being a daughter, of being a sister, and all sorts of things. But she never thinks in terms of being a person – and that is the most basic thing.

The first thing to think of is that you are a person in your own right. Of course you are a mother, but that is secondary. You are a wife, but that is secondary. You are a sister, a daughter, but those are secondary things. The basic thing is that you are a person, intrinsically valuable, an end in yourself.

Nothing of that can be sacrificed; this personality cannot be sacrificed for anything. And everything can be sacrificed for this personality. You will have to be courageous.

I don’t say to separate. If love can flower.… It may flower. But don’t avoid anything. Take the whole situation into account. Come back and talk to your husband. Lay all the cards on the table; don’t hide anything. Say that this is the situation: either we love each other and we live together, otherwise, what is the point? Why should we carry on?

Be there and meditate and then we will talk about it. There is nothing to worry about, mm?

[A sannyasin says: I use the I Ching and I was wondering if there is anything wrong with this sort of thing?]

You can continue to use it, mm? There is nothing wrong in it because nothing is right in it [laughter]. It is just a game. If you enjoy it, you can play. Right and wrong are relevant when something is real, but when something is a game it is right if you enjoy it. If you feel it helps, it is right. In itself it has no meaning; it is absurd.

But it can suit you and you can find ways through it. That simply shows that you are not clear about your own ways and you need some help to find them out. The I Ching makes it easier. You can throw the responsibility on it. You can say that the I Ching has decided this, so now you have to do it. It may have been difficult for you to decide to do so or not and it would have created much conflict in you. Now the I Ching has decided and you trust it. Decision becomes easier. It makes your life a little smoother. It functions like a lubricating oil.

But ultimately one has to come out of all games. It is your life – why leave it for someone who has written a book five thousand years ago to decide for you? It is better to decide on your own. Even if you err and go astray, then too it is better to decide on your own. And even if you don’t go astray and you have a more successful life through the I Ching, then too it is not good because you are throwing the responsibility. And through responsibility, one grows.

Take the responsibility in your hands. These are ways of avoiding. Somebody throws it on God, somebody on karma, somebody on destiny, somebody on the I Ching, but people go on giving it to somebody else.

A person becomes spiritual when he takes the whole responsibility on his own shoulders.

The responsibility is tremendous and your shoulders are weak, that I know. But when you take on the responsibility, they will become stronger. There is no other way for them to grow and become stronger. If you play and feel good, nothing is wrong in it. But I must say that there is nothing right in it either. It is just a game... enjoy it.

... A mind game. And one day you will have to come out of it.

... Yes, whenever you are feeling difficulty in deciding, when you feel that it is too much to decide on your own, decide with the I Ching. You can decide by throwing a coin; that will do the same. But it is not so reliable, because the I Ching has authority a five-thousand-year tradition – and so many

interpreters who say that everything in it is beautiful, perfectly right. If you throw a coin, you know that it is you who is throwing it.

... the past gives much significance. But your moment that you are deciding for is right now, here, and you are deciding it by the past. That’s basically wrong. Don’t decide it by the past, don’t decide it by the future. Decide it exactly right now. Respond to this moment. That’s what responsibility is. In this moment, face it and decide.

A girl says that she would like to get married to you. Now you are puzzled as to whether to say yes or no, so you go to the I Ching. You are shirking a responsibility. Then if something goes wrong, it is the I Ching; if something goes right, it was the I Ching – but you are avoiding.

This is not the way of spiritual growth. If you want to say no, say no. If you want to say yes, say yes. If you cannot decide, say both yes and no. You can say that this is how you feel: fifty percent yes, fifty percent no [laughter] – that that is how you are, mm? But be true.

[The Nadam music group was at darshan tonight.]

Music helps to bring you in tune with yourself. If you are really involved in the outer music, it brings you in contact with the inner music. Just be totally possessed as if you are not there but just a vehicle for something unknown, for something from the beyond.

[The group leader says: When there’s cathartic energy around, it’s difficult; it’s a disturbance and a conflict. So we feel that we are seeking for a very fine sensitivity but it keeps getting lost.]

Mm, I understand.

That is possible only with a permanent group. New people will be coming and they will not be able lo be so sensitive in the beginning. But try.

Later on we can do two things. For one hour just the permanent group can meet and then after that others are allowed for an hour. So you can have two groups really – a permanent group and a casual group. With the casual group it will always be a trouble. The people who are working together every day will start feeling a part of the collective, so nothing will go astray and nobody will be out of tune. But for that a very deep intimacy is needed and long work.

After six months when you have a group of thirty people who are permanent, then we will make two groups. The permanent group can become a base, and others can fall into it. But this will be a trouble right now. When we say to be spontaneous, a few people immediately think that that has to be cathartic – being spontaneous means being cathartic.

Arrange that a few people who are living in the ashram and who will be here permanently – twenty or thirty – can form the base. You can have twenty in the group and ten dancers. If thirty people are working in tune, it will be difficult for a newcomer to get out of tune. The group’s energy will work as a vortex and the newcomer will be pulled in.

But things will settle by and by. Things are going well...

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