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CHAPTER 24
To become aware is to become desireless
24 January 1977 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium
Anand means bliss, and mahashunya means the great emptiness. Anand is the natural state of resting in oneself. It is not happiness – because it is not unhappiness. It is not part of the duality, the dual world – happy and unhappy, sound/silence, day/night, life/death. It is not part of duality; it is the non-dual state. All duality rises out of it and all duality one day merges back into it. It is the very source and the goal, the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega.
So remember it, because that has to be understood very clearly – otherwise the very word ‘anand’ or ‘bliss’ gives a feeling as if it means great happiness. No, it doesn’t mean that.
Happiness is a state of excitement – that’s why one will even get tired of happiness if it continues too long. Have you watched sometimes?? – you cannot bear happiness for too long. It becomes tiring. Even happiness can create boredom: the same, the same, the same – one wants to move somewhere else just for a change. Even a little unhappiness is good just for a change.
So happiness can never be eternal – one cannot bear it. It turns into unhappiness after a while. When you have settled with it, the excitement loses its meaning and becomes tiring. And it exhausts – it does not rejuvenate.
It is just like unhappiness – there is no basic difference between the two. The basic difference arises because of our choice. The excitement that we like is happiness – the excitement that we don’t like is unhappiness. So the same excitement that you like today you may not like tomorrow – then it becomes unhappiness. And something that is unhappiness today may become happiness if you learn to like it.
Many people by and by learn to like their unhappiness – then they talk about it. In fact they enjoy it and they don’t want to get out of it. They have started liking it – it has become a sort of friendship. They may talk about it and they may say they want to get rid of it, but they never try. In fact if it is taken away from them they will miss it.
So the basic difference between a state of bliss and the states of happiness, unhappiness, is that it is a non-excitable state – no excitement, mm? – just absolute quietude... neither this way nor that, just in the middle. It is just as the pendulum of an old clock goes from right to left, from left to right. On the right call it happiness, on the left call it unhappiness. Just in the middle where the pendulum stops and stops going anywhere – stops moving, stops desiring.Because through desire comes
movement, through desire comes motivation to move. When there is no motivation to move and nowhere to go, one relaxes into oneself. One simply collapses into one’s own being.
That rest into oneself – when the pendulum is not moving anywhere, and the time has stopped.one
is at home – that is anand, that is bliss. It is as far away from happiness as it is from unhappiness. It is a totally different state. Only in deep sleep sometimes do we come close to it a very deep sleep when even dream is not there, a dreamless sleep. Patanjali calls it’sushupti’ – a sleep where not even a dream exists, no ripples arise, a non-dreaming state. You are completely unconscious, almost in a coma, but it is the closest state to bliss.
Ordinarily man comes closest to bliss only in deep sleep. It is unfortunate, because we should go there fully alert. That’s why after a great sleep, in the morning you feel so fresh, so virgin fresh – as if you are born anew – so vital, rejuvenated... a rebirth. That’s why deep sleep is such a healing force.
If a person is ill the most important thing that he needs is deep sleep, because through deep sleep he will come in contact with his own source of energy, and that is the only healing source. Medicine helps you to come in contact with that source – medicine doesn’t help you directly. It simply helps you to move to your own source – you have forgotten to move to that source.
This state of bliss which ordinarily we come to know only in deep sleep, has to be known in full consciousness. So either in great deep sleep one comes to it, or in great awakening – in buddhahood, enlightenment, one comes to know it.
So there are only two possibilities of being blissful: either blessed are the ignorant – or the awakened. You are blissful either when you fall back into deep unconsciousness.… Then you become part of the cosmos – your ego cannot exist there. When you cannot dream, how can your ego exist? – because the ego is a dream. Then your desires are not there, because all desires are your dream. And with that whole bundle of desires disappearing, you have disappeared – because you are nothing but a bundle of desire – so you are part of the cosmos.
You vibrate with the cosmos – you are not separate. You are no more an island; you have become a continent. You are joined together with the reality. with the whole.
This is one possibility. That’s why down the centuries alcohol has attracted people so much, because it can lead you to this state of deep sleep. Drugs and chemical devices have always existed to help people to go to this source – but then you go very unconscious, so it is a temporary contact. You are
thrilled by it but you lose it again and again because you cannot catch hold of it – you are not there to catch hold of it.
The other way is to become so alert, so aware, that you can go into it with pure awareness.
Ordinarily we have two layers of our mind: the conscious and the unconscious. This is our duality, this is our state – schizophrenia. That’s why we are divided into the conscious and the unconscious, the day mind and the night mind – this is our division.
In deep sleep this division disappears – the day mind dissolves into the night mind. The night mind is very big; the day mind is very small... one-tenth of it. Nine parts of your being are unconscious; only one part is conscious. In deep sleep that one part of consciousness also goes down into unconsciousness... disappears.
In enlightenment just the opposite happens: those nine parts of your unconsciousness rise, meet and mingle with your one part of consciousness and dissolve into that – again oneness.
Oneness is the key. Either become totally unconscious then you have the state of bliss or become totally conscious – then you have the state of bliss. In the middle is anguish, anxiety, because you are divided, continuously torn apart: a part trying to become conscious, a part trying to remain unconscious. And man is pulled in opposite directions. That is the whole pain of life... that is the misery.
So bliss is a state of natural rest, and the possibilities are two. The first possibility is natural. Animals have it, trees have it, rocks have it. It has no challenge – it is not for man. For man a new possibility has already opened its doors. It will be falling back if man remains with the bliss that comes through sleep and remains confined to it; it is a falling back. And that is not possible, because the consciousness has taken one step ahead and it cannot be taken back. There is no way to take it back – one has to go whole-heartedly in the direction.
Up to now evolution has been unconscious – with man it becomes conscious. Nature has got you to the point where you have to take hold of your own being and you have to become a conscious seeker. And that goal of conscious seeking is bliss.
And the second – mahashunya – means the great emptiness. I don’t call it just emptiness – I am calling it’the great emptiness’ for a certain reason. Let me tell you one zen anecdote.…
A very famous zen monk, Bokuju, had given a meditation, a koan, to one disciple. He told him to sit silently, doing nothing, unmoving – to just sit silently. He said, ‘Something great is going to happen. When it happens come to me and report.’
After seven days the disciple came running. He was ecstatic – he said, ‘Master, it has happened!’ But the Master was very stern. He said, ‘What has happened7 Relate it!’ He was very hard and the disciple was very much shocked because he had come so happily.
He said, ‘Just this morning it happened – some energy started arising in my spine, and it was tremendously beautiful. I was full of a new power. Maybe it is Kundalini, Master, that has arisen?’
And the Master says,‘All rubbish! Throw it out and never talk about it again. And if it happens again, don’t come to report! This is nothing! Go back. The great experience is going to happen some day – when it happens, come back.’
For two, three weeks the disciple sat silently. Again and again the Kundalini was rising and one day it disappeared, and then a new experience! He rushed back to the Master in the middle of the night, because the experience was so great that he thought the Master would be very happy. But the master was very stern, very hard, and he said, ‘What has happened?’
And the disciple said, ‘So beautiful! I was full of light... Light was showering from all the dimensions. I was nothing but light. I could have flown... I was absolutely weightless! Is not this the great experience you were waiting for?’
And the Master says, ‘All nonsense! Throw it! Come to me only when the great experience has happened!’
The disciple asked, ‘Please tell me what that great experience is so I will know when to come and when not to disturb you.’
And the Master says, ‘When you have become empty, then come to me.’
Months passed and then one day it happened – it was absolutely empty inside. No experience, no thought, no Kundalini rising, no light, nothing showering, nothing happening – absolutely nothing... a great emptiness. And the disciple was very happy – it has finally happened! Now the master will be happy. He came, he touched his Master’s feet, but the Master was still stern.
The disciple said,‘But it has happened, master! Why are you looking so sternly at me? That emptiness has happened. Now I have come to realize absolute emptiness.’
And the Master said,‘All nonsense! Throw this too! When emptiness is thrown, then the real emptiness happens.’
That is called’mahashunya’, the great emptiness... when even emptiness is not there. Otherwise one can cling to emptiness – one can make an experience out of it, and the ego again starts gathering its energy.
When even emptiness is thrown... one is so empty that one is empty of emptiness too – then it is mahashunya. That has been the goal in the east. And both bliss and emptiness are the same. When you are in the state of mahashunya you will be blissful – when you are blissful you will be in the state of mahashunya. These are two aspects of the same experience.
So remember, mm? And when the great experience happens, report to me!
[The new sannyasin says: Some people seem to feel that you should be experiencing hell while you’re here... I wonder whether that’s really true or not. I mean, I can see that playing a very important part.]
It plays an important part, and it depends... it depends on the person, mm? But it is good to pass through the experience – it is always good – so that something is finished. Otherwise deep in the unconscious many things remain rooted. You can start working but they are there – they will disrupt your work.
Once you are finished with your hangovers.… Hell is nothing but your hangovers; the incomplete experience is what hell is. When all is completed, you are in heaven – then there is nothing. You are empty – the great emptiness is possible.
So it is very very essential to pass through it, and it is very rarely that I come across a person who does not need it, because the type of society does not exist where that type of person can exist. No society is nonrepressive. They may differ in their repressions – something is repressed in india and something else is repressed in canada – but all societies are repressed. Emphases differ, but repression is there.
So because society is repressive, everybody is carrying a hell – it has to be let loose. Once you have gone through it, you will be finished with it. If you don’t have anything, you need not force it. You simply remain available: if there is something, let it come. I am not saying to pretend, because that is useless. If you don’t have anything within you to cry, there is no need to cry. It is not to be done. The only thing to be remembered is, if it comes, allow it – don’t prevent it. No need to pretend it; just don’t prevent it.
If you don’t prevent and it comes, good. If it doesn’t come, very good – then you don’t have anything to throw out. But two, three groups will prove it to you. And don’t be afraid.
[The enlightenment intensive group is present. One member says: There was a moment... when there was only love left inside me... You talk about two paths – one is meditation and one is love – and I wonder which one is mine.
Osho checks his energy.]
The group has been tremendously helpful. It has released your repressed energy of love... and love is going to be your path. When love is the path, to forget oneself is the method. So sing, dance, and forget yourself completely. Drown yourself completely, be drunk, and tell me after three weeks.… For three weeks you just be drunk with love. Mm?
[The sannyasin said he would like to do hypnotherapy. Osho suggested it would be more helpful to do hypnotherapy later]
When you have worked really hard, hypnotherapy goes very deep. Otherwise you can do the group now but you will not be benefited by it. It is just as when in the day you work hard, have been cutting wood, chopping wood, in the night you go so deeply asleep that not a dream exists. But if you have been resting the whole day, in the night you will have to toss and turn in the bed – sleep won’t come. You have not created the need for it.
Hypnotherapy is a beautiful group, but wait for it a little, mm?
[Another group member said that he could only answer the question ‘Who am I?’ by describing his desires, and asked: How can I change all these desires into desirelessness?]
Just wait... you watch, mm? In fact one should not be in a hurry to change. The very hurry to change becomes the hindrance. There is no hurry, because if you are in too much of a hurry you will start repressing rather than changing. That is cheaper and easier – that is what the whole of humanity has done up to now.
That seems to be the short-cut: simply repress and forget about it. It remains in the basement – and you can enjoy the idea that you have got rid of it. It goes on working from behind you and it goes on pulling your strings from behind. So both are happy – you are happy with the idea that you are free of it, and the desire is happy that now you don’t disturb it and it can go on working in subtle ways, disguised.
Don’t be in a hurry. The first thing is to become very watchful and alert; that’s what has happened. In this group you became aware of your desires – that is the first and the right step: to become aware so that all that is repressed comes back, is reclaimed by the consciousness and you become aware of it. That is the most fundamental step, and almost half the journey. Then things are not very difficult.
Once you have become perfectly aware of what desires are there, not much is left to be done. Become more and more aware that these are your desires – and don’t fight with them. Just watch them to know perfectly what they are, how they arise, how they take possession of you, how you become clouded, how you lose your consciousness through them, how you become possessed by them, how they drive you mad!
Just watch every single step of the desire: how it arises, how it possesses you, how it drives you crazy, and then how it leaves you weak, frustrated, defeated. Just watch the whole process of it – and that very watching brings freedom.
To become aware is to become desireless, but awareness has to be really penetrating. For example, you see a beautiful woman passing by and a desire arises to have her. Now watch from the very beginning, the very stirring of it – how did it come? The first ripple of it – you had seen a beautiful woman; up to that moment there was no problem. The woman was beautiful – that was not a problem, but suddenly there is a jump, and a desire arises.
Now watch that jump – that from observing the beautiful woman, how suddenly you become possessed by desire – that interval between seeing and desiring. Watch that interval – because there is the clue, and if you can become aware of it you will be surprised. Next time a beautiful woman passes by you can stand there watching and seeing when the desire arises. You will be surprised – if you can watch, it will never arise. It arises only when you are not watchful... it arises only when you are unconscious. It only comes from the back door – it never comes from the front door. It comes through unconsciousness.
So don’t ask how to be desirelessness – just ask how to become perfectly aware of the desire. And the first beginning has happened.
[The sannyasin says he has booked to do the ‘hell group’, a new group based on boredom.]
Very good! That’s the place where people go who desire too much, right? Sooner or later I am going to create another group – the paradise; that will be the end. One who has passed through all hell and everything – purgatory and things like that – will be given a three days holiday in paradise!
[Another group member says: Something has changed in the group but I don’t know what it is. I fear that I’m being destroyed... but I feel very good.
I want to know how to surrender.]
That fear is true – you are being destroyed, but that is the only way to make you anew, to create you anew. The old has to be destroyed for the new. The old has to be utterly smashed and destroyed. Only out of that utter destruction can the new be born. You are being destroyed – that fear is perfectly true; your mind has judged rightly. And then fear arises – that too is natural. Watch that fear and don’t go with it, don’t cooperate with it. It will be there but you need not cooperate with it. Then it is impotent – it cannot do anything to you.
And surrendering has started. There is no need to ask about it – you are surrendering. It takes time – slowly, slowly... but the seed has sprouted. That’s why you are asking, because you would like it to happen sooner. It is so blissful – just the first taste is so blissful. But it is happening – don’t be worried.
There is no how to it – mm? there is no how to it. You have just to allow me. You are not to do anything...
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