23

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‌CHAPTER 23

27 May 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin and child are returning to the west. Osho asks if things have settled. The man says not totally.]

They never settle totally!

And one should not think of total settlement. that will mean stagnancy. A little bit of conflict keeps the flow moving on. Too much conflict destroys the relationship – too much adjustment also. If the couple is absolutely adjusted it is no more a couple. Then all has disappeared; there is nothing to fight any more.

Only two dead things can fit with each other totally. Life asserts itself, struggles, fights, clamours to be taken note of, tries to dominate. Life is will to power, hence the conflict. It is intrinsic to life itself And nobody wants to be dominated; everybody wants to dominate. Relationship exists between these two.

A relationship is a miracle. It should not happen really, scientifically it should not happen. It happens because man is not yet scientific. And it is good that he is not yet scientific; and he is never going to be absolutely scientific. Something illogical will remain in the heart of man. That keeps the flame of humanity alive; otherwise man becomes a machine. Only machines are utterly adjusted; a machine is never maladjusted.

So this is the problem facing every couple: total conflict and all is destroyed – there is no bridge between you and the other; a relationship doesn’t exist – total adjustment and again the relationship disappears because there is no more flow, there is no more hope. Just between the two, exactly in the middle between adjustment and conflict, a little bit of adjustment, a little bit of conflict.And

they go together. They look contradictory but they are complementary.

If one can remember that, one remains sane; otherwise a relationship can drive you insane. There are moments when it drives people insane, when it is too much to bear. So never ask for absolute adjustment. Just a little bit is more than enough – feel grateful for that – and let the relationship remain a flow. Be together, but don’t become one. Be together, but don’t become absolutely unconnected. Remain two and yet in contact. That’s what I mean by the middle.

And be a little more alert. One has to be a little more conscious when one is moving in love, and one has to be careful about the other. Whatsoever you do affects him.

(to the woman) Be careful of him mm? – you have been hurting him a lot. He suffers – he loves you, that’s why he suffers.

Prem Wakil. Prem means love, Wakil is a sufi name for God. It means: the ultimate trust. God is our security – there is no other security. The person without God lives in insecurity, in fear. The person without God remains always anxious, in a kind of paranoia, because he cannot trust. Without God there is no trust. Everybody seems to be the enemy, everybody seems to be against one. One is constantly alert, defensive, aggressive; life becomes a turmoil, an anguish.

The moment one starts moving towards God, trust arises. Then there is no more any enemy... not even death. There is no more death. With God there is no death, hence all fear disappears.

Then one can live in tremendous security. That security never arises out of money, power, prestige. It doesn’t depend on the bank balance – it depends on the inner balance. It depends on the contact with God. That is the meaning of ‘Wakil’: the ultimate trust.

Your full name will mean: love and trust... and these are the two most significant words in any language. Love makes you human; below love, one is animal. But love can only make you human – it cannot make you divine. Trust makes you divine, trust is beyond the human. Love is human, trust is beyond the human. A man needs to be a man and needs to surpass man. Then only is he fulfilled.

Prem Muido. Prem means love, Muido is a sufi name for God. It means: one who restores, reintegrates. The full name will mean: love that restores, love that reintegrates.

Man is almost a crowd – with no soul within, with no self within, just a circumference without any centre. This is the misery, the madness. That’s why one does not know who one is. There are many people inside and everybody claims ‘I am you.’ But those faces go on changing: in the morning you are one self, by the afternoon you are another. When you are angry, one self is at the top; when you are not angry, another self is at the top. You are a constant battleground of these many selves. They push and pull each other and everybody tries to overpower you. One self decides one thing; another self immediately cancels it. There is a continuous fight going on. In this situation man remains in a war-field.

Unless love arrives, the centre remains darkened. With love, something new starts growing in you which is not part of the conflicting selves. That’s why love has the quality of no-self-ness, egolessness. Once love is there at the centre of your being, everything falls in tune. The master has arrived and the servants start obeying. Without love one remains in this state, constantly falling

apart. One never becomes one piece. And unless one becomes one piece, there is no possibility of any growth.

This is the message in your name: let love arise, help love to grow. Put everything at the door of love, sacrifice whatsoever is needed to be sacrificed, because nothing is more valuable than love. With love, one is really born.

[A visitor says she loves her boyfriend of four years but is jealous if he is attracted to other women, even if he does not go with them.]

But this too is your problem – it has nothing to do with him! Mm! So don’t make a distinction; this too is your problem. You love him too much, but your love is also full of possessiveness. And whenever a love has possessiveness in it it creates problems. You have to drop the possessiveness and love him. That has to be your work: don’t be possessive and don’t feel jealous.

In fact, it is perfectly okay sometimes for him to go with somebody. It is just a change and a good change.…

That is your decision, then don’t go; but if you need, you also can go. In fact, you are not going because you want to make him feel guilty; only then can you play this game of possessiveness easily. You don’t need and he does, so you become higher and he becomes lower.

If you accept him and if you accept it as natural, then slowly slowly you will also feel like that. It is very human to be with somebody else sometimes, mm? – just a change. One gets fed up eating the same food every day. It is just like that – nothing else; it is not much of a moral problem.…

You suffer because you are not allowing yourself to do the same. You are suffering because you are not allowing the same freedom to yourself. If you allow the same freedom to yourself you will even be grateful to him, because it is he who has made you free also.

You are not enjoying freedom.

And you have to start to enjoy freedom a little bit. Let him also taste a little bit of jealousy!

If you start moving, he will be. This is my whole work every day! I want him to become jealous. In that way both will be enriched: he will know what jealousy is, you will know what freedom is. Both will become more understanding of each other. Right now you don’t know what freedom is, he does not know what jealousy is.…

Not out of anger; then he will not feel jealous. That is a totally different thing. If you just go out of anger he will not feel jealous. Because he knows that you have not really gone with that man; you are simply going away from him out of anger but not towards the other. Jealousy arises only when you go towards somebody, not away. You follow me?

When he sees that your eyes are full of fantasy and you are thrilled and for years you have not been thrilled that way with him... then he feels jealous. When you are going with somebody just out of anger, he knows that this is nothing. It is not a question of your just going. When you go

with immense desire, passion, when you go with joy, with dance, and he knows this dance has been missing – for him, it has stopped long ago – then he will feel jealous. Let him taste it!

[The visitor says: He doesn’t just go to make love – he really loves.]

These are just consolations, consolations you are looking for. You want to cling and you will find explanations. These are all just consolations. And these are the problems; this is why we cannot see things clearly.

The simple and clear thing is this – and it has nothing to do with you or him; it is just human – that a man by and by feels tired with the woman he loves. And not that he does not love you: he becomes tired because he loves you. So every day, tasting, tasting the same woman and the same territory and the same geography and the same topography... And he is a photographer! So he becomes enchanted with new forms and new designs and new models – and this is just natural.

You also become that way... and not out of anger but just out of understanding. Feel compassion for him. Don’t be hard on him and don’t be hard on yourself; you are hard on yourself too! Just see the point. This seems to be just the right thing to do; once in a while you also fall in love with people. There are so many beautiful people. Why cling to one? Mm? God has made so many lovers, potential lovers, and you say to God ‘I will love only this man.’ Can’t you see anything beautiful anywhere else? Then you have very much narrowed down your mind.

My suggestion is: become a little more free. Only a person who is free can give freedom to the other. And freedom will be needed, otherwise you will destroy your love relationship. I am trying to protect it. If you go on in your own way, sooner or later it will be destroyed, it will become ugly. Each time he goes with somebody – and each time there is conflict and misery. By and by you will start falling apart rather than coming closer. He will start hiding facts from you he will become a hypocrite. He will start telling lies, mm? just not to disturb you, just not to create any trouble. And when he lies, you will know... because women are natural lie detectors!

Technology has only now invented lie detectors but women are the ancient-most lie detectors. Whenever a man lies, the woman knows, she knows immediately. His face, his eyes, his way, his words – everything says that he is deceiving her.

[She answers: I have to change this idea that it is possible to be together always without desiring others.]

You don’t know! You have just heard it. Deep down you still hope that this is possible. You have to drop that hope. It will be hard but it will be of great joy, once you can drop this hope.

Be together but don’t ask for absolute togetherness. Avoid the absolute; everything is relative. Be a little more free and your relationship can go a long way, mm? Because if you are not creating trouble for him and he is not creating trouble for you, then there is nothing to disturb your relationship.

The latest research into couples’ psychology has found that if once in a while they have some fooling around, it helps their relationship to remain alive, flowing. I know it is difficult, and difficult for a woman, because for centuries the mind of the woman has been conditioned to remain jealous, possessive. But if you try to understand, it can be dropped; it is not impossible to drop it.

And next time you come, stay a little longer. It will be easier to drop it here than anywhere else in the world. Just pass through a few groups, meet with people, enjoy people, and it will be easier to drop it.

[A sannyasin asks: How can I learn to fly?]

God would have made you a crow! You are rejecting God’s gift of being a human being – you are simply being ungrateful! If a crow asks ‘How can I become human?’ it will be more relevant. You are at a higher stage. What will you do by flying? What will you gain by it? You will look simply stupid! What is the point in it?

You will go on when you die, so what is the hurry? You will go out completely. And you have been out before you were born – what have you gained up there?

People just go on gathering stupid ideas in the name of spirituality. Spirituality has nothing to do with it. Spirituality is concerned with real problems. These are not real problems; these are just dreams. So everybody is flying in their dreams, everybody sees the dream of themselves flying – just childish dreams, pointless, meaningless.

I cannot help you in any such nonsense. I can help you to be rooted in this earth, to know who you are, to be more blissful, to be more loving, to know the meaning of existence. These are the questions I can help with. But if you want to fly or anything like that, levitation, etcetera, you can go to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. You can find many people who can help you.

But I am not the right person then. I am against all esoteric nonsense and against all kinds of occultism. I am very down-to-earth, I am very materialistic. I teach spiritual hedonism or a materialistic spirituality. You have fallen into the wrong company!

But try to understand: you are asking a wrong question and that wrong question can destroy your whole life! There are many people – it is not only you that is asking – many peopleSomebody is

interested in whether the earth is hollow or not and he comes to me from America to know whether the earth is hollow or not. But what is the point of it? Somebody is interested in U.F.O.s – whether or not some other planetary people are trying to make contact with the earth.

But these are not real problems; these are escapes. You are trying to avoid the real problem of life. By putting an absolutely meaningless problem in front of yourself, you are trying to escape from the real problems that are there inside. This is a device to avoid life. I can help you to encounter life, not to avoid it.

Do a few groups here. You have already flown – I would like to bring you back to earth. Come back to the earth – you have done enough flying; you are tired! What more?...

[He is leaving the next day.]

Come back, mm? Do a few groups, meditate, just be here for a few weeks, and then the right question will arise. These are not real questions.

And don’t think that I am being hard on you. I am being hard because I love you, because I see that you will waste your life if you get interested in such things. I don’t teach magic. And if you want to become a magician then you have to find some teacher who teaches magic! You can go to Satya Sai Baba! These are the right people for such things.

Come back, mm? Something is possible, something more valuable than you are asking for is possible. I can give you something real and you are asking for an unreal thing.

Deva means divine, Shakura is a sufi name for God. It means ‘thankfulness.’ Your full name will mean: divine thankfulness. And that is going to become your meditation: just feel thankful for all that God has done; each moment remain thankful. The first thought in the morning should be of thankfulness, gratitude; the last also and in-between. If you see a beautiful tree, feel grateful to God. If you see a beautiful cloud floating in the sky, feel grateful.

These infinite joys have been given to us – the sunrise and the sunset, so many flowers and birds, this precious life and a possibility of love. All that is needed has been given and we have not even asked for it. It has been given unconditionally, with no strings attached to it.

If you can grow more and more in gratitude you will find yourself becoming more and more silent and blissful.

[A sannyasin says that since doing a group his chest wants to burst, and there is some fear about it.]

Something beautiful is on the way. You should not be afraid at all. It is not the chest that wants to burst – it is your love that wants to burst!

But it always feels like that when it starts bursting. It feels as if your chest wants to burst because the love centre is there. This is the psychological symptom of something very spiritual happening.

So allow it – nothing to be worried about. I will take care.

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