12

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‌CHAPTER 12

16 May 1978 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[Prem means love, Allaha is a sufi name for God.]

Allaha is far more significant than the word ‘God.’ In fact no other word in any language of the world exists which is more important than this word. All other words used for God are at the most qualities of God. They are not as comprehensive as ‘Allaha.’ Allaha simply means existence. It contains all: it contains good, it contains bad; it contains life, it contains death. It is not a quality, but all the good qualities of the totality. And it does not mean existent, it means existence.

Man is an existent. God is existence Himself. To say ‘God exists’ is a tautology; it simply means ‘existence exists.’ It doesn’t make sense. The tree exists, the man exists, the mountain exists, but not God. Existence is a quality of the mountain; with God it is the very spirit. The mountain exists today, tomorrow it may not exist. There was a time when it was not there; there will be a time when again it will not be there.

God always is. You cannot use a past tense for God. It will be grammatically right but existentially wrong.

You cannot say ‘God is.’ That is the meaning of ‘Allaha’, that is-ness.

So your whole name will mean: love, existence. And these are the two qualities to be evolved. One has to become more and more loving and one has to become more and more existent so that one can go beyond death, beyond birth, beyond the momentary, beyond the temporary; so one can become eternal.

Love is the way, existence is the goal.

[A sannyasin, leaving, says: I would like to see through your window.]

It is going to happen. Just remain courageous and don’t waver. It is very close by but you can miss the Opportunity if you waver. And this is an opportunity that comes only once in many lives. It is not an every-day phenomenon; the window opens only once in a while. To come close to it and then to miss it would be sheer foolishness. But the mind is foolish and it can destroy any opportunity. The mind has some stake in destroying it, because to see through the window that I am, means that the mind disappears. Then you disappear as you are. Seeing through the window means disappearing as you are. Then the self cannot exist even for a single moment.

The self, the mind, the ego, will create all kinds of rationalisations not to look through the window. And sometimes they are such beautiful rationalisations, sometimes so spiritual-sounding, so appealing, so logical. that one simply has to accept them. To go against them means that one is going against spirituality.

All the old scriptures say that the devil is very very clever in quoting scriptures, and when the devil quotes the scriptures one simply feels like following it. The ego can say ‘Surrender to yourself’... but you don’t know who you are! ‘Surrender to the inner light’... but if you know the inner light, then there is no need for any surrender. But the words seem beautiful – ‘Surrender to the inner light.’ It seems perfectly right and yet it is utter nonsense.

If the inner light is there you know about it; there is no need to surrender to anybody, not even to the inner light – the thing has already happened. One is enlightened when one knows the inner light. Now this is a very clever trick of the mind...’Surrender to the inner light.’ And it appeals, it feels perfectly right. Buddha has said so, I go on saying the same thing again and again. But how can you do it ? You don’t know where the inner light is, you don’t know what exactly this inner means. All that you know is outer.

All knowledge is of the outer. The inner is just an idea in the mind. You have not come across it yet. Because whatsoever can be experienced will be, out of sheer necessity, outer. The inner cannot be experienced because the inner is you! There is no division, they are not two, so who is going to experience whom? Whatsoever is experienced is outer, has to be outer. The very thing that it has been experienced proves that you are separate from it. The experiencer is separate from the experienced, the observer is separate from the observed.

So there is no such thing as spiritual experience. All experiences are psychic, psychological, subtle, the subtlest. Experiences of light, of energy, of expansion, of oneness with the universe, of meditation, of samadhi of enlightenment – all experiences are of the psychological. When one goes beyond all experiences there is nobody to experience, there is nothing to experience. It is utter silence, soundlessness. It is absolute absence. There is nobody present in it, it is just space. That is the inner. But how can you surrender to it?

The window is close by – just keep daring. And remain alert about the cunningness of the mind, the cleverness of the mind – its rationalisations, explanations. And whenever I see that the time has come, you will pass through me. It cannot be forced, remember. Nothing should be done before its time, otherwise something goes wrong. A certain ripening is needed... and that is happening. That’s why the mind is becoming more and more scared and afraid that the fruit is ripening and any moment it will fall of its own accord. Before it happens the mind will try to avoid any situation in which it can become more ripe. So just be alert.

I am working and I am aware of what has to be done and when. Just relax, stop fighting and resisting. Become a conductor, mm? – that’s the right word that electricians use. A right conductor of electricity is that element which does not resist its flow. When there is no resistance the metal is a beautiful conductor. Become a conductor – don’t resist.

The window is ready; you just have to become ready. And it can happen any moment, it will happen anywhere; it is not needed that you have to be here. That is the whole purpose of sannyas – that wherever you are I can become available to you. Physical presence is immaterial. It is helpful in the beginning but not essential. The window will follow you. Whenever you are ready you will suddenly find it there just close at hand.

[A sannyasin says: I was lying awake and I suddenly felt your presence very strongly. I felt carried away and finally I got afraid.]

Don’t be afraid – it will happen more and more now. Once it has happened, it becomes easier. Once I have contacted you, it becomes more and more easy. But don’t be afraid; if you become afraid, you shrink back and you miss something that will be a transformation. So wait for it, desire it, long for it, and when it happens dance with joy, absorb it. Those are not the moments to be afraid; those are the moments to celebrate. If you celebrate you will become more and more available to me. If you can welcome it with a warm heart, with no fear, then it will go into you like an arrow. It will penetrate to the very core.

[A sannyasin says she will have to go to the west for a month... ]

No, you go and finish things – it is very good. That will always be helpful. It is always good to destroy the bridges that you have passed. If you keep them, you go on thinking about them. We keep the old bridges intact only out of fear so that if something goes wrong we can always fall back.

A really courageous person always destroys the bridges because he knows he is never going to go back. He destroys the places where he has lived, he destroys all possibilities of clinging to the past. He knows that life is always ahead and that falling back is a betrayal.

One is betraying life when one falls back, because life moves ahead. It does not belong to the past, it has nothing to do with the past. It is in the present and it is for the future. It is a future-orientation, an opening for the future and the unknown. The past is finished, already known. You have eaten the essential out of it; now don’t collect garbage. That’s why I told you to go. Once you are free from the past and all possibilities of going back, you become more rooted in the present and you become more available for the future. It is a natural process.

But if something remains in the past, a memory, if nostalgia persists – one goes on thinking in some way or other that if something goes wrong, or if things are not going right, there is a securityIf

this place does not prove your home then you have another substitute home somewhere. But just that idea in the mind will not allow you to make this place, this moment, your absolute home. That will be a distraction. You will be half-half, divided. And my whole approach is to make you undivided in the moment. This very earth the paradise, this very body the Buddha – just this. And then there is great benediction.

[A sannyasin says that he has been through tremendous despair in the last couple of weeks, and has cried a great deal, but now he feels empty. Osho checks his energy.]

Something has left you, but it is good that it has left. The last part of the ego has left.

You feel empty, mm? because you had become accustomed to a certain identity. You had become certain of living with somebody inside you. Now that somebody is not there. Now the house is empty, utterly empty. In the beginning it will feel kind of sad, kind of lonely. And yes, you will feel vulnerable and not in a loving way, because all the love that you have known before was love through the ego. Now, before another kind of love starts flowing you will feel that all flow has stopped; hence the hardness. That softness was not a true softness, but the ego pretends to be polite, soft. That is the polished ego. That’s what a cultured man is. That is the only difference between the uncultured and the cultured: the uncultured has a gross ego and cultured has a very polished, polite, humble ego; he looks almost egoless. He has become his pretension. That softness is a pretension but one can become absolutely one with it.

Now the ego has gone, with it the softness has gone. You will find a natural hardness in you. This is your reality. It is just as if you painted your face with powder and you had made it beautiful and then it rained and all the powder went down the drain. Suddenly you find your real face. You had forgotten about it. Those flowers that you have arranged on the rock of your ego have disappeared; now the rock is left.You will feel a little hard and at the same time vulnerable, at the same time

unloving, empty. This is what christian mystics have called the ‘dark night of the soul.’ Before the morn, before the dawn, everybody has to pass through it. One has to be utterly empty, only then can one be full. There is no other way to fullness.

So these days will be a little difficult, but welcome them. They are part of growth, of immensely valuable growth. But you cannot see ahead. And I understand that – you can see only that which was and is no more. You cannot see that which is going to be, which is already on the way, which may have already entered you. But before you can recognise it a little time will pass, because one has to learn a new grammar, an altogether new language to understand it, to conceive of it, to conceptualise it. One has to create a new kind of intellect. A new kind of intelligence has to arise and start functioning; only then can you see what is happening. But it is good.

[Osho gives him a ‘come close energy darshan’ and then says to the sannyasin’s girlfriend:]

Be as loving as you can, because he will never need more love than he needs now for a few days. And don’t create any trouble for him, mm? Because he will be going through a hardship on his own. He will feel so empty, so whatsoever you can do to make him happy and loving, do.

Just don’t create any trouble for him for a few days. Then you can take revenge, but for a few days you.Then I will give you freedom for a few days: you can do whatsoever you want to do with him.

But for a few days you resist the temptation.

[The girlfriend says: It’s been hell many times and I’ve been very sad.]

No, you need not be. He is passing through a rebirth. Be a mother to him. Don’t demand anything from him – just give him. He will not be able to give in these days. He is empty; what can he give

to you? And if you demand and you don’t get, you will feel miserable. When you feel miserable, you will take revenge on him and he will become more hard, because what can he do? He is not the man you used to be in love with; he is changing.

He used to be a caterpillar; now he is on the way to becoming a butterfly – it is a quantum leap. And no caterpillar can understand what is happening because it is happening for the first time so the caterpillar becomes very confused. No caterpillar can be helped to understand that he is going to become a butterfly, he cannot believe it. He has seen butterflies but he has never thought of himself as a butterfly. He cannot conceive, in any way, of his having wings. He has none. He cannot see any link between himself and the butterfly; they are two different species.

He is becoming discontinuous from his past; he is dropping his caterpillarhood. So he will be in a chaos, and if you demand, the relationship will be on the rocks. Forget all demanding. This is not the moment to be a wife or a girlfriend – this is a moment to be a mother to him, so just be a mother. By being a mother, I mean: just give. A mother gives. The child cannot return anything, the child cannot even say thank you; that is not expected from the child. Even if sometimes the child smiles that is more than enough, a great reward for the mother. If the child feels happy, the mother is happy.

So for a few days be a mother. Once he has grown his wings, then you can be a lover again, and then he will have something to give to you. Up to now he was only pretending to give, because he had nothing. Right now he cannot even pretend because now he knows he has nothing. Later on, one day, he will have something and there will be no need to pretend. He will give, because when one has, one gives. Giving comes naturally when you have it.

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