15

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‌CHAPTER 15

28 February 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[The Tao group is present. A group member says she feels like a child, and should she continue with this. Osho checks her energy.]

It is good, mm? It is very good to go back to your childhood, because that is the point at which your life bifurcated – at five years old. That is where you missed the real life and you started becoming phoney. That is where you went wrong. So once you start being real and authentic, you will go back to the point of bifurcation. But one is not to remain there – one has to grow from there again. It is good to go back – but that is only half the journey. The other half still remains. You follow me? A child is born. Up to four years, five years, he grows authentically. Then social pressure, conditioning, and a thousand and one things begin to work. He is put off the track along which he was going naturally and spontaneously. He is taught what should be done – so now he loses contact with his own spontaneity. He feels to do something but the ‘should’ says something else. He wants to do something, but the society does not accept it. Parents don’t appreciate it, and he is condemned for it.

So now the natural becomes the repressed, and the artificial becomes the accepted. So for a few days the child struggles, tries to be natural, but again and again is punished for being natural. So one learns the trick of being unnatural. From that point an unnatural structure goes on evolving.

It is tremendously significant that you have fallen back to the bifurcation point... it is very difficult Ordinarily people don’t reach so easily – because their whole life is invested in the false now. If you are thirty, then twenty-five years are invested in the false. Now with so much invested in the false, one feels unable and afraid of moving back. It is a rare blessing that it happens – that a person zooms back to the point of bifurcation.

On that point another journey starts. It is as if you are again five years old – and there is no ‘should’. There is no society, and no parents who are telling you to be like this and that. It is as if you are

driving and you miss the road. Suddenly you become aware that this is not the way. You come back to the main road, and again you follow the right route.

So don’t remain there. If you do, and you are stuck at that age, you will be true, but you will be true like a five-year old. and your growth will suffer. So you start growing again with no ‘shoulds’, no goals. Allow your destiny to take possession of you. Move naturally now, spontaneously.

Naturally a five-year-old likes to be related to somebody as a father, a mother – but those were the people that diverted you. If you become dependent again on some relationship of that type, you are again falling in the old trap. Now this time move without parents – without a father or mother. Don’t make a daddy or a mum – otherwise the very idea will start crippling you. This time move alone with no parental hold on you. You are your mum and your dad.

Of course it will be difficult, and you will stumble, but it is good to stumble. It is good to make trials, fall, rise up again. This time move as if you are an orphan. There will be nobody to look to, nobody to guide you – but all guides are false. Any people who can tell you to do this and that, will again force you towards something which is not your destiny.

So this time listen to the heart. What else can you do? Your parents are dead, you are orphaned – left alone in this vast world – wandering, crying, staggering, not knowing where to go – but still you go on. Soon you will find that you are growing on your own. That is real growth. It is difficult, arduous, but reality is difficult and arduous – one has to pay for it.

And there is no harm in making mistakes – because one learns that way. There is no other way. Trial and error is the only human way. Because we have been avoiding learning through trial and error, authorities have become so important. Parents, politicians, priests, have become important – and they are distracting everybody.

I am here to help you to move alone. I am here to help you to get rid of all authorities. Sol am doing something like suicidal work. I guide you to become guideless.

[She asks: Can I accept your authority?]

No no, don’t accept my authority. Try to understand whatsoever I am saying. The same thing can be taken as authoritative or as an understanding – and both are different.

I say something. If you accept it without understanding, if you say that you have to do it because Osho said – then again I am your daddy. Again I will put you off-track. It is not a question of who is the daddy. Once you accept somebody’s authority without your own understanding, you are put off the right track. Now you will not make mistakes, you will not be searching on your own path. Now you want to get rid of all groping. You want something easy, ready-made.

Whatever I say, try to understand. If you understand, and you follow it because now it has become your understanding, then it is totally different.

Listen, even if you follow me because it is your understanding to follow me, it is totally different. You understand me? Your understanding has to be the ultimate decisive factor. Understanding is the only authority.

Whatsoever I am saying is not theoretical, it is simply factual, so I need not impose any authority. I know that if you try to understand, you will. Authority is needed when something is said which is not factual. If I say to you to do this because God has commanded it be done that way, then there is trouble. You don’t know God, you don’t know if God has commanded it that way – and it cannot be explained in any way. Whatsoever I am saying is a simple truth without any theoretical jargon around it.

You were distracted when you were five. Now don’t allow any authority – I am included in it – to distract you. Move on your own. If you feel while moving on your own that this man can be helpful and you take my help, take it through your understanding. It is not that whatsoever this man says is true – your understanding makes it true. Your understanding is the only proof. So no need to make any daddy or mum.

Everybody has to come to a point where he can be completely free from his parents. They are helpful, tremendously helpful, but beyond a certain point they become a hindrance. One has also to drop them – with deep respect, with love – but one has to be free. And if parents are very understanding, they will help the child. That will be real love. They will see that this is the only way that the child can reach his or her own destiny. So they will help the child to drop them, to go far away – that will be their love. And if the child respects them he will go far away, because by fulfilling his own destiny, he is fulfilling his parents’ destiny too. Parents go on living in you, mm? It is a continuity.

So use that insight, and be on your own. And it need not be that it will take many years to grow again. You have the whole mechanism of a grown-up, the experience, the knowledge. Physically you are grown up; psychologically you are five years old. So this child is not going to take many years. Within weeks you will see that the child is growing.

Suddenly one day you will see that your psychological age has come parallel with your physical age. It can happen even in seconds. It depends on how intensely you understand the whole thing. It can happen right now, here. It is just a question of understanding. A sudden lightning, and within seconds a bridge can be crossed, the past can be bridged with the present. But there is no need to be in a hurry. Even if it takes weeks, there is no need to be in a hurry.

[A group member said that he was aware of much guilt connected with his leaving his wife and young son.

The groupleader commented that the man used the guilt to avoid situations.

Osho said that to feel guilty had nothing to do with being religious, and that guilt was nothing but an ego trip He said that priests have exploited guilt, and that they are cunning people. He said that the guilt presupposes that you are in control of what happens, but that you are not the doer if you do not have a crystallized self... ]

You are like driftwood. The wind blows that way, you drift that way. The wind blows this way, you go this way. The driftwood cannot say that it wanted to go south but it is going north, and it feels guilty. This is exactly the case.

Whatsoever is being done is not because of you – circumstances have done it. Feel humble... Let tears come – but not in guilt, but in humbleness. I’m not saying feel happy – but feel helpless. That crying and those tears will wash, cleanse your heart. So drop the ego – and this can become a let-go.

If you become aware, things can change. In awareness you can never do things for which you can ever feel guilty. And in unawareness, how can you do anything for which you will not feel guilty? So the whole point hinges on awareness and unawareness .So become more aware and more humble. If something happens that you cannot avoid, accept it in humbleness. Ask to be forgiven – pray and cry and weep – but don’t feel guilty. Guilt is the way of the ego, and this is the way the ego replaces itself.

For example, everybody has an image, a golden image of themselves as great saints, very beautiful people. Then suddenly you find yourself doing something that goes against the image. Now what to do? You feel guilty. You are saying that you don’t want it right now. You are saying that if it were. in your capacity you would change it. Your image has toppled down in front of your own eyes. By feeling guilty, you are replacing it. You are saying that you may have been angry but you feel guilty, so look – you are not that bad. You are coming back to your old image, repolishing it. Again you will be in the same situation, with the ego enthroned, and you will do the same thing again and again.

People become angry, repent, become angry and again repent, become angry again – it is a vicious circle. Don’t repent, don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel pity for yourself. Just feel humble. Do you feel the difference? Otherwise, people start exaggerating their guilt. If you read Saint Augustine’s confessions you will see. He has not committed many sins but he exaggerates, because only a great sinner can become a great saint.

Rousseau has written his autobiography, and in it you can see that he creates his saintliness by creating sin and guilt. If you have never committed a sin, how can you become a saint? Sin has to be committed first – and not ordinary sin, great sin. Then you feel guilty, and then you feel good – that makes you a great saint.

There is no need to be a saint, no need to be a sinner. I am here to make you something ordinary. I am not interested in making you saints. Enough of that nonsense. You would like to become a saint, but I am not interested at all.

If you go to a catholic priest, he will be very happy that you are becoming religious. Feeling guilty? Perfectly good – confess! And you will come home feeling very good. Drop it!

[A group member says: I feel lonely in the group... I want to commit myself more, but I cannot... there are walls or barriers.]

You try Encounter, and if it doesn’t work, book for Vipassana – the buddhist meditation method. These are the only two possibilities.

Either one goes totally out and nothing remains inside – and that is liberating; or one keeps to the centre so totally that nothing goes out. That too is liberating. These two extremes are both liberating. Being just in the middle is the problem because it is half/half. You put one step forward, one you pull back. You remain confused, in a limbo.

The whole point is to be total. It is not a question of whether you move with the group or alone. The relevant question is whether you do whatsoever you do totally.

So first do Encounter – that is moving with others in the group, coming out of the shell. Give it a total try, mm? Whatsoever you can do, do. Make all possible effort. If that doesn’t work, then try Vipassana. It is just the opposite – you have to be alone, there is no question of moving anywhere.

[A groupmember says: I’m really getting fed up with my head.]

Really? No! (laughter) If you are really fed up, nobody is telling you to keep it. Throw it!

... there is no need to even try. If you are really fed up, it drops on its own. But you are not really fed up yet. People go on making secret love affairs with their heads from the back door.

The whole meaning of all these groups is that you get fed up. Then suddenly, in a single moment, one drops the head. The head is not holding you. You are holding the head. You are clinging to the head. The head is not clinging to you.

So if you are fed up, there is no problem, no problem at all. Just see into it more and more. Have more and more clarity about this fed upness. Let it become more and more like a flame, and then in a sudden lightning, you are separated from the head, and the contact is lost.

It is going to happen...

[A sannyasin said that she was concerned about her relationship with her thirteen-year-old son...

Osho reassured her, saying that when she returned to Germany she would find the relationship changed, because she had herself changed... ]

Don’t try to hold, to possess any child. Just give your love, and don’t ask that it be returned – particularly with a son or daughter. It is not like a relationship between a husband and wife or between lovers.

When a child is born, the mother loves him unconditionally. You cannot expect a child to love you, because he does not know what love is, he does not know who you are. He is just empty. If you love him, through your love he will learn what love is. He will learn through your love what a mother is. But he will also learn one thing – that when love is given by the mother, there is no need to return it.

The child is so helpless, because he has nothing to give back. That becomes the basic thing between a mother and child. The child goes on expecting things from you, but the moment you expect something from him, he is angry. So never expect. Just give. If he returns love, that s good. If he doesn’t – that too is good.

And this time, things will be different...

[A group participant says: I was feeling childish and feeling bad about it, but [the groupleader] told me to feel good.]

Mm, feel good about it. It is really beautiful to be a child again. If you understand the beauty of it, you would like to come back to it again and again every day.

Whenever there is time, move back into it. If you are alone in your room and your grown-upness and your efficiency and your knowledge are not needed, become a child again. It will be very very refreshing and rejuvenating.

That is the meaning of play – to become a child again. A person who is capable of play, keeps some type of freshness with him always. People who are incapable of play become almost dead, stiff, frozen, structured. So let it become a relaxation. Sitting in your room, become like a child again. Sitting in the garden, start running like a child after butterflies. On the seashore collect pebbles, make houses of sand. Just be a child and you will feel refreshed. Your skin will be more glowing, your eyes clearer, your mind younger. You will feel as if you have been to the mountains. And this is simple, because this is your territory.

Remember one basic principle: that nothing ever disappears from you. Your child is still within you, as much alive as it ever was. Of course you have grown many layers upon it. It is just like an onion – behind this layer is another layer, behind that layer, another. And the deeper you go, the fresher and more tender the layers. Your first layer is as you think yourself right now. Just behind it is your second layer – your yesterday. Behind that is your yesteryear. They are all available simultaneously, herenow.

So when you become a child, it does not mean that you are moving to the past. You are simply moving within yourself to a deeper layer. If you can cross all the layers and can reach to the centre, then there is no layer. Just simple emptiness – that is yourself, your reality. It is how you were when you were not born, before your birth.

So every day move back for some time. Whenever the world needs you as a grown-up, you can become grown-up again.

Become more flexible and fluid. Good... it has been good.

[A participant says: The group was wonderful, really incredible. I feel I’m getting in contact with the woman in me. I’m beginning to feel so much energy here, (indicating belly) and feeling.]

Many times you can make contact with something, and again and again you forget about it, and the contact is lost.

This time you have contacted your woman, your innermost core. Now make it a point that you remember it. Whenever you are alone, move to the same space. Touch your woman, play with her. Cherish the very contact, the very bridge. Feel the energy in your belly, and feel yourself the woman. Walking, talking, sitting – in many ways, in different situations, make the contact again and again. By and by it will become a natural thing, and you need not remember.

Otherwise people come in contact with themselves, and then again forget, mm? – the world is too much. They move into ordinary things again, and the contact is lost. So you will remember that the contact was there, but you will not know how to renew it – you have lost the knack.

So before you lose the knack again, go again and again along the same way, so that the path is perfectly dean and clear-cut. After each group, whenever a group feels wonderful, the real work starts. The group cannot go on forever, but the feeling of wonder has to be kept alive, has to be kept burning.

[A group member who has been crippled since birth says that she is experiencing great changes with the release of energy. The group leader called it ‘raw’ energy. The intensity of it is frightening her.]

It looks raw! Raw! Good – getting wild! (laughter from the group) That is the only way to be really alive.

Raw energy is pure energy. Raw energy means unmotivated energy – a sheer delight in energy. Not that it has to be put to use – just children running around in sheer delight. You cannot ask why they are running – and if you do, it will look foolish. They are simply running and enjoying.

You may get a little afraid about it, mm? because society enforces patterns. It does not allow raw energy. It is afraid of it because raw energy can be very rebellious. But don’t be afraid. If you are afraid here, in this ashram, then.…

[She answers: I just feel so uncomfortable.]

It is not uncomfortable. It is because you are trying to hold it that the discomfort arises. If you allow it and move with it, there is no discomfort. You will feel so beautiful and happy.

Energy only becomes uncomfortable if something is working against it. So you are in a dilemma, a duality. You want to do something, but you don’t do it because you have considerations – drop the considerations. And there is nothing to lose – so why be afraid? Cooperate with it. simply enjoy it!

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