Chapter title: None

‌Chapter title: None‌

10 February 1980 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

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Archive code: 8002105 ShortTitle: NEVER10 Audio:

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[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been copy-typed. It is for reference purposes only.]

This is your name: Ma Prem Hilde.

Prem means love. Hilde means courageous spirit.

The greatest courage in life is to drop one's ego and unless ones drops the ego one cannot know what love is. Love is the absence of ego. It is the experience of egolessness -- and that's what creates the whole problem around the subject of love.

People want to love, people want to be loved. It is natural, it is their basic need, to love and to be loved, but the problem arises that they have to drop the ego. And they want to do the impossible: they want to keep the ego and yet be

capable of loving and capable of receiving love. That is not possible, it is not in the nature of things. It is like you can't have darkness and light both in the room together. If the light is there the darkness is not there, cannot be there. If you want darkness then you have to extinguish the light. They exist only in each other's absence. The absence of one becomes the presence of the other; hence both cannot co-exist.

And this is one of the basic anxieties of man: he wants them together, he would like to have his ego. Not only that, he would like to feel more egoistic because of his love, because he is such a great lover, because he loves and he is being loved. Now this is sheer stupidity! And when both the persons who are in love doing the same stupid thing, it becomes a constant conflict. That is another meaning of Hilde, battle, fight, war. Avoid that meaning!

Courageous spirit is only the symbolic meaning. The literal meaning is war, but in a way both are relevant as far as love is concerned. If you want to keep the ego also then love will become a war; if you can drop the ego then love becomes peace, but to drop the ego one needs great guts.

I think that is the greatest courage in life, to put one's ego aside. And what is true about love is true about sannyas too, because it is a love affair on a different plane, on the highest plane possible. Is you want to keep your ego then that will be the barrier between you and me too. Then you can learn few things, you can become knowledgeable, but that is not the purpose of sannyas.

The purpose of sannyas is a total transformation of being -- not just learning a little bit of knowledge, accumulating few more beautiful words, theories, philosophies, ideologies, becoming more informative --

that is not the purpose of sannyas. Information is not its goal but transformation. And all transformation needs egolessness, or in other words, it needs love.

Be courageous and let it happen! This is your name: Ma Prem Yogena.

Prem means love. Yogena means the meeting, the merger, the ultimate immersion in the absolute.

Just as a dewdrop dips, slips from the lotus leaf into the lake and becomes one

with the lake, loses all its boundary loses all its smallness, its definition, its name, its form, its personality, its ego. But that loss is not really a loss but an immense gain. By losing boundaries it becomes unbounded, by losing its finitude it becomes infinite. By losing its definition it becomes a tremendous mystery. By losing itself it becomes the lake itself. It is immense gain, and only those who are ready to lose themselves can find god, because god is not some entity, somewhere.

It is the name of the ultimate merger. Remember, just a name, a symbol -- god is only a symbol for the ultimate merger. The moment the ego disappears and you become part of the whole, that moment is the 1/08/07

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experience of something so vast you have never known, so incredible. It needs some specific name. It is really a milestone, it is an end and a beginning. It is a death and a resurrection. It really draws a line before it you were just a miserable ego; after it you are blissfulness itself.

Before it, it was all dark night; now it is all light. The change is so qualitative. It is not only a change of quantity, not of degrees; it is a quantum leap, it is a jump, nothing gradual. You become discontinuous with the past, you attain to something absolutely dew you were not even aware of that it exists; hence it needs a name to indicate it. God is that name. god is not a person. It is just that experience of merger, when you are disappearing on the one hand, and you are appearing in a totally new vision, on the other hand. The experience is so remarkable so unique, so inexpressible; hence we have given it some names.

Lao Tzu calls it tao -- that is one of the most beautiful names ever given to it, far better than god, because the very word "god", particularly in Judaic and Christian and Mohammedan tradition, has become associated with a despot kind of person. In the Old Testament the god declares "I am a very jealous god."

Jealous simply means Jewish, nothing else! (laughter)

Lao Tzu says "I would like to call it tao," and the reason he gives "Why I should

call it tao, because it has no name." Tao does not mean anything. It is just like calling something xyz. He says I will call it xyz because it has no name and something has to be called. So I call it tao. In India we have called it aum -- that exactly is what Lao Tzu means by tao. Aum is just a sound, not even a word. Tao at least is a word; aum is just a sound, a humming sound.

Actually it is very representative: when the person disappears into the impersonal existence great explosion of music happens. It is the release of an imprisoned splendour. Suddenly there is dance and song and celebration, not only in the person who is disappearing, but the whole rejoices it. Aum simply represents a musical sound. That too is again just like xyz. Xyz is the end of the alphabet, aum represents the whole alphabet. Aum consists of three sounds; a, u,

m. According to the science of sound these are the basic sounds. All other sounds are by-products of these three. These are the root sounds -- a, u, m. Aum is simply a, u, m; the combination of all these three sounds, and something more, something plus.

When you say "Aum", first a, u, m, and then the "m" is prolonged, "aum", then the "m" is prolonged. It is just a vibration. It goes on disappearing. Just like that the individual disappears into the aum: Aum-that am disappearing.

Slowly slowly you hear it less and less and less. And a moment comes, suddenly it is no more there, it is gone. In Sanskrit it is represented by a simple dot. So a, u, m, and a dot, just a dot. A, u, m, represent three things in you: the body, the mind, the heart, and the dot represents your centre. When the body is gone, mind is gone, the heart is gone, then there is just the centre, the essential core of your being -- that remains.

It is not part of your ego. It is transcendent of the ego.

Love and only love is the door to this ultimate merger, meeting, melting, disappearing. That's the goal of sannyas.

This is your name: Ma Prem Mouni.

Prem means love. Mouni means the silent one.

Love is inexpressible. It is impossible to say it. You can live it, you can be it, but you cannot say it. The moment you say it you drag it down, from the world of the stars, to the muddy earth.

The world of stars is silent. Love belongs to the beyond, to the farther shore. When you bring it into words you destroy all that is significant into it. The words are very small and love is like the sky. And to force the sky into a word is not possible. You will destroy the whole beauty.

And what will remain in the word will not be even a far away echo. It will not be the echo of the echo of the echo; hence those who have known love have also known its intrinsic inexpressibility. Now, that can become a tremendous insight; once understood it can give you a clue. The clue is: if you become silent you will know what love is or if you become loving you will know what silence is, as if they are two sides of the same coin. Hence my insistence is on only two things, meditation and love.

Meditation is synonymous with silence. It simply means to be still, to be silent, to be without any thoughts, words, without any mind, just to be herenow. When that silence settles in you, you will be surprised that a great explosion of love happens!

Either one can travel to silence through love or through love to silence. Both are valid. It is easier to travel from lobe to silence that from silence to love; hence my experience is that more people reach to silence through love -- that is the way of the Sufis. Yes, few people have reached through silence to love --

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that is the way of Zen. And these are the only two ways in fact; all other ways can be categorised either belonging to the Sufi way or to the Zen way. But with me, all the ways are existing together. I am not trying to synthesise, because I don't see the need to synthesise -- they are one! The need to synthesise arises only when they are not one. I see their organic unity.

There have been people who have been trying to synthesise all the religions, all the paths -- these are the blind people. They don't see the unity which is already there. If somebody comes and tries to synthesise your hands with your legs, and

your head with your hands, he is going to create a mess, because you are already in a synthesis, there is no need to fix you.

But if somebody tries to fix you thinking that hands are so far away from the feet (laughter) and they may not be in a unity, and the hands may go this side and the feet may go that side, and the hands may want to do one thing and the head may not want it to do that thing, and there will be great difficulty for this poor woman "So let us fix her," then they will destroy you!

That's what the do-gooders have been doing: they have been creating great mischief in the world, and there are all kinds of do-gooders.

There was one very old scholar in India, Doctor Bhagwandas. I was a very young man when I saw him

-- he was a great world-known indian philosopher. His whole life work was synthesis of all religions. When I saw him he was very old. I asked him only one thing and he became very angry. He almost threw me out of his home! I asked him only this much that "If there is already an organic unity, then whatsoever you have been doing is sheer nonsense. If there is no unity already then what you are doing is impossible."

He could see the point but he was surrounded by his disciples and he ordered that "This young man should be removed." I said "At least let us be synthesised with each other! You have been trying to synthesise Hinduism with Mohammedanism and Christianity and all the religions," and his whole life he did it. I said "You have wasted your life. I have just come to say to you -- I was just passing (laughter) and a friend told me that this place belongs to Doctor Bhagwandas, so I said "Let us come in. Let us have a little chitchat."

And he was surrounded by his disciples, he was very angry! I said "There is no need to throw me out. I will go. My body is synthesised. I can go myself. There is no need to throw me out! But whatsoever you have been doing, remember: you are a blind man and you have not seen the point: it is already one!"

Love and silence are deeply one, but you can move from different directions.

One can move to a single point from many directions. From all over the world one can move to a single point. And these two are the basic approaches. You can choose, you can have your pick: either through love reach to silence -- if you

follow the path of love then silence has to be used as a criterion. As you become more and more silent you can be certain that you are moving in the right direction. Follow love but use silence as criterion whether you are going in the right direction, or become more meditative and silent then use love as a criterion.

If you become more loving then you are in the right direction.

So whether one follows the path of silence or the path of love, the other has to be used as a criterion.

And one reaches to the same point. And when one reaches one can see the unity of all the Buddhas, of all the awakened ones. Their whole life can be reduced into loving silence or silent love.

This is your name: Ma Prem Soni. Prem means love. Soni means golden.

The alchemists all over the world have used the symbol of gold. The symbol of gold means the hidden in man is the most precious. Man lives in the non- essential, and then his life remains trivia, mundane. If he starts moving from the non-essential towards the essential, his life starts becoming golden, he starts gathering a golden aura around himself.

The alchemists say their science is nothing but a process of transforming the baser metal into gold. We are all born with both, the centre and the circumference, but the world uses only our circumference. It needs only our circumference, it comes only in contact with our circumference, and because the whole world uses only your circumference -- your parents, your sisters, brothers, husbands wives, children, people all around, in all your relationships your circumference plays a great role -- naturally, one becomes more and more identified with the circumference and forgets the centre. And the centre is the real goal -- that is our most precious treasure.

And it is only at the centre that love exists; hence people living on the circumference can hanker for love 1/08/07

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but they cannot get it. They can try to give but they cannot give it either. It does not exist on the circumference. On the circumference cunningness exists, domination exists, all ego trips exists -- but not love.

Love is so precious that nature has put it at the innermost core of your being. It has been hidden so it cannot be destroyed, so it cannot be stolen, so it cannot be easily available to anybody. That seems to be very logical.

If you have a precious diamond you will put it in the most secure and safe place in your house; you will not throw it outside. You will put it in the innermost room of your house and there too, in a safe, and you will lock it and you will keep it absolutely private so nobody knows about it. That's what nature has done: love is so delicate, so precious, so divine, that it has hidden it as the deepest recesses of your being. And unless you start digging for it you will not find it.

Sannyas is a tremendous effort to find one's own treasures, to find the kingdom of god within you. But if one wants to find the centre one has to start moving from the circumference, facing towards the centre. We are standing on the circumference, our back is at the centre, and we are facing the world -- the whole world, the vast world. A hundred-eighty-degree turn is needed, and that turn is meditation: you close your eyes and you look withinwards, you still your mind and you dive deep within you, you become calm and quiet -- in the body, in the mind, in the heart -- and slowly slowly you start settling to the very bottom rock of your being. It is there you will find the goal of love, the kingdom of love or the kingdom of god. Love and god are synonymous, and love is a far better word than "god", because god, the word "god" has been so much exploited by the priests that it is time that at least for one hundred years it should be put out of use. My effort here is to replace the word "god" by love. Love has not been exploited by the priests and I don't think they will ever be able to exploit it. Love is the word that belongs to the world of poetry, not to the world of priestcraft! (laughter) Priests cannot use it, they cannot even understand it, they cannot make a theology around it. They cannot make temples around it.

Love is dangerous. Priests have always kept the energy of love repressed. They are very much afraid of love, because a person who knows what love is cannot ever be victim of any priest, of any church, of any religion. He will remain independent, he will be living his life according to his love and according to his

light. That's what my sannyasins are.

This is not a church, this is not a dogma, this is not in any way a doctrine. By belonging to me you are not belonging to any philosophy. By belonging to me you are only belonging to the purest energy of love. It is not a temple at all. It is not a place for worship. We don't have any rituals, any prayers -- we can't have.

Love needs nothing. Love is enough unto itself. It is the prayer, it is the temple, it is the deity in the temple. It is all in all. It covers the whole reality. it is in itself the total dimension of mysticism. Start moving towards love, towards your centre. Keep aware so that you don't so anything which goes against love. Do everything that helps your love to become more and more manifest, to be more nourished -- and you will find the gold, you will become golden. Everybody is born with the capacity to be golden -- that is our birthright.

All that is needed is a determined commitment to claim our birthright.

This is your name: Swami Prem Sambodhi. Prem means love. Sambodhi means enlightenment.

Love is the light of the inner world. A man without love is without light. He may have light on the outside but as far as his inner, his interiority is concerned, it is all dark, utterly dark, so dark that it is impossible to see anything. That's why many people would like to go in but they never go. Once in a while they have a little peek in, and then they become scared because it is so dark. They escape.

In fact the whole humanity can be divided into two categories: the people who are escaping from themselves and the people who are escaping to themselves. A sannyasin is one who is escaping to himself and a non-sannyasin is one who is escaping from himself.

To escape from oneself is extroversion. To escape to oneself is introversion. And unless you come in you will not find the source of light; it will remain dark. It is dark not because there is no light -- there is light -- but it is a totally different kind of light and you have to get accustomed. It is like when you come after a long walk in the hot sun to your house, it looks dark inside; compared to the outside light, the inside of the house looks dark and dismal. For a few moments you feel it, but if you settle, if you rest a little bit, soon that darkness starts disappearing, your eyes become accustomed, adjusted.

Eyes are very flexible. When there is too much light your pupils start shrinking, because only so much light can be allowed in. When there is less light then your eyes start opening more. It is just like the shutter 1/08/07

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of K.B.'s camera (laughter) just the lens, if there is too much light then you have to keep it according to the light. If it is less light then you have to keep it exposed for a longer period, a bigger exposure is needed.

Eyes simply function automatically like a camera, and the inner world is really so different from the outer world that it is not only a question of adjusting, it is a question of a radical change. So it takes a little while to settle inside.

Sit in the inside darkness and don't be worried! Enjoy it! It is peaceful, it is vast, it is very velvety! It has its own beauty, its own silence, its serenity -- enjoy it and just sit there and don't be in a hurry, and you will be surprised one day that your eyes have started changing. A new vision has started arising in you. In the East we have called it the third eye. It is symbolic. It is not that there is a third eye somewhere inside. A few foolish people even have tried to dissect dead bodies to find out where the third eye is. It is not anything physiological; it is only a metaphor. "Third eye" simply means a new kind of seeing.

It takes a little time for that new kind of seeing to arise but it arises. I am a witness for it. I am not talking about the scriptures; I say only that which I have known myself. I never say anything that is not my experience. If it goes against my experience then I don't care -- whosoever has said it, I criticize it outrightly. Even though it looks outrageous, it is perfectly okay with me. I have only one commitment and that is to my own experience, to nobody else.

If I find that Krishna is saying something which does not go with my experience, then Krishna is condemned. Then I will hit him as hard as I can! If it goes against Jesus then it goes against Jesus because I cannot vouch for anybody else's experience. I can vouch only for my own experience. I know if one can wait and the waiting seems very long. It is not that long, it only appears, because sitting inside doing nothing, it seems as if time is not moving at all, as if the

clock is gong very slow -- maybe it needs a new battery or what has happened.

Time goes so slowly because there is nothing to engage you, nothing to keep you occupied. So even a little waiting looks almost endless, but it is not endless and it is not that big as people think, but it appears certainly.

A sannyasin has to learn to wait, and to wait lovingly, with no hurry, with no impatience -- and then one day, when the eye is ready you know a new kind of light, that is love. Inside becomes full of light and then it starts filtering out of you, it starts radiating out of you. The radiation of inner light is love in your outer relationships. When you meet a man who is full of light you experience love. But it is a strange world: two persons fall in love and both are in immense darkness, then there is bound to be constant struggle, fight, and they are at each other's neck.

Love becomes almost murderous, tiring, exhausting. One wonders why one has got caught into it, but one cannot get even out of it, because outside also one feels miserable. Then one is in a fix: if you are out of love you are miserable because you are lonely, if you are in love you are miserable because the other is always there to create trouble for you. If the other is there there is trouble, if the other is not there there is trouble. Anyway man is condemned, but the whole thing happens only because we don't know that love is only the outer expression of inner light. It is possible only if you are full of inner joy, bliss, insight, that you can be loving; otherwise it is not possible.

When love explodes it is enlightenment, because it is disappearance of the darkness and beginning of the day.

Nirvana now or never

Chapter #11

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