9

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‌CHAPTER 9

9 May 1979 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin asks: Can you see where there’s something wrong with my feelings? – because up to now I have not been able to feel the energy.

Osho checks his energy.]

It will open – nothing to worry about. Just be here with no desire, not even the desire of opening the heart. Just be here with no motive, because every motive becomes a hindrance – even the motive to open. Just be here and enjoy. Dance, sing, meditate and forget the whole world. For these few days that you will be here this is your whole world, and then the opening happens on its own. It is going to happen!

Nothing is wrong with the feeling center, but you are not in connection with it. The center is functioning perfectly well, but your mind and your heart are disconnected so you cannot feel your feelings: you only think your feelings. You think you love – everything turns into a thought. Unless it becomes a thought you cannot become aware of it; you cannot feel it as a feeling. That’s the problem.

The heart and the head are not bridged. You have bypassed the heart, you have not gone through it. But this is nothing special about you; it is almost a normal case today. Everybody is in this kind of space because the whole structure of the society helps you to bypass the heart. It is very afraid of the heart. Our whole culture depends on repressing feelings. We live through the head because the head has a kind of clarity, logic, consistency, control, and these are the values in our so-called society.

The heart is a chaos – a poetic chaos, but a chaos is a chaos. And the world of feelings are never very clear: they are always vague – hints, shadows. It is the world of twilight: neither day nor night, something in between. And our society is very much afraid of anything which is not very clear.

We praise the value of clarity. We discard all that is unclear, mysterious, hence we remain con-fined to the superficial. Only the superficial is clear. Depths cannot be clear, they have to be dark. The deeper you go, the darker they become.

But if you continue meditating this bridging will happen. Which meditation do you like the most?

[He answers: Kundalini.]

Continue kundalini. Within six months to nine months, one day you will suddenly feel a metamorphosis. Suddenly you are feeling, they have all exploded. And it is a totally new experience. One becomes alive; one pulsates with great ecstasy. The head knows no ecstasy at all; it knows only anx-iety, anguish. The heart knows no anxiety, no anguish; it knows only joy.

Just go on meditating and don’t be bothered whether it is happening or not, because that worry will come from the head. Forget about it. One day suddenly it will come as a surprise. God always comes as a surprise!

Sat means true, Ulla means nobleness – true nobleness. And true nobility has nothing to do with birth; it has nothing to do with race; it has nothing to do with any country. True nobleness has something to do with your inner flowering. Unless a person opens up and becomes a flower he is not noble. He remains mean. He remains cruel, violent. Deep down he remains ugly. He may even create a kind of character around himself but that character remains only a facade, a camouflage to hide the ugly inner being.

He may be very sophisticated, cultivated, cultured, educated on the outside, but that makes no difference: his inner world remains crude, primitive, animalistic. True nobility comes only through a deepening of love, a deepening of meditativeness. When your inner world becomes full of love and light your outer also becomes illuminated but not vice versa. the inner has to happen first; the outer follows as a shadow.

What we do ordinarily is just the opposite: we try to cultivate the outer and hope that the inner will follow. That is not possible. The inner is so tremen-dously powerful that it cannot follow the outer. The outer is only skin-deep; it cannot even touch the inner. But once the inner changes, the outer has to change; it changes automatically.

Every real change first has to happen in the deepest core of your being. Hence I teach conscious- ness not character, hence I teach meditation not morality, because a meditative person necessarily becomes moral, and a conscious person necessarily has a great character.

Sat means true, gyan means wisdom. Wisdom is true only if it is yours, if you have arrived at it by your own experience, if it has the seal of your own being. Otherwise wisdom is far more dangerous than ignorance. If it is borrowed, if you have imbibed it from others then it is nothing but a coverup for your inner ignorance and darkness. It can’t help. It may give you a good ego but it cannot become the bridge to the divine. It may help you to become more well-known, respectable, knowledgeable.

All those things it can do, but deep down you will remain as ignorant as ever. It can make you almost oblivious of your ignorance, and that is the danger in it. When death comes all wisdom that is borrowed simply disappears, is of no use. It can’t become the boat to the ultimate. It was a paper boat. But if you recognize it when death has come it is too late. One has to recognize it before then. Make a boat of your own.

My function here is not to give you knowledge, not to give you wisdom, but to help you to attain to your own wisdom, to help you to attain to your own light, to help you to become an individual.

[The new sannyasin says: When I was sitting inside the gate waiting for darshan, I felt that it was difficult for anybody to get in and to attack you. When I realized that I was thinking about that, I asked myself whether I wanted to attack you.…. I felt confused and guilty and... and sad that still on every occasion when I feel loving there is always some hatred and poison in it as well. It’s a big problem for me.]

Don’t make it a big problem. It is with everybody: if you love, you hate too. It is natural and it has to be accepted. Slowly slowly through deep understanding a totally different kind of love arises which has no polar opposite to it. But in the beginning love is followed by hate; they are together. If you bring your understanding, watchfulness, awareness to it, a moment comes, certainly, when a new love which has no counterpart to it is born.

But when the disciple comes he has both: he has doubt and trust, he has love and hate. He brings the whole duality: he has love and hate. He brings the whole duality that man is. He brings his dual mind, and that is natural. How can you bring a non-dual mind? And if you had a non-dual mind there would have been no need to come at all.

You have come to learn how to be non-dual so you come as a duality. I accept you as a duality, and then we start working slowly slowly. And one day that moment also comes when the duality disap-pears. That is the real day of initiation.

This is just a formal initiation. The second initiation has to be attained. It takes time, effort, work upon yourself, and much observation of how the mind functions.

It is good that you observed, it is good that you noted it, it is good that you told it to me. This is the beginning; the journey has started and the goal will not be very far.

Deva means divine, Paolo means small, little – a divine littleness, a divine smallness, divine humbleness, a divine nobodiness.

One has to become a nobody. That is the greatest thing in life because once one is a nobody by dying one attains to eternal light.

Learn the art of dying. Learn through love, through music, through poetry, through dance; learn through meditation, prayer, but learn the art of dying and disappearing.

The day you don’t find yourself in is the greatest day of rejoicing. Then life is a continuous celebration, because when you are not, God is.

[A sannyasin is leaving and says: I keep wondering what you see happening with me and I was wondering if you could tell me something I could take back.]

Stop wondering. Let it happen, because what you call wondering is not really wondering, it is thinking. If it is wondering it is beautiful, but it is not. It is just thinking, analyzing, watching, keeping an eye on what is happening. That becomes a disturbance; it is a distraction: it does not allow the flow to have its course, its natural course. And if you constantly go on keeping an eye on what is happen-ing then things that would have happened will not happen. The energies are very shy, you just have to let them happen. Even to observe becomes a distraction .

It is almost as if you are in your bathroom and suddenly you become aware that somebody is looking through the keyhole. Immediately you become a different person; you are no more the same person. Just a moment before you were a different person; you were in privacy. Now you are no more in privacy; somebody is looking. That very look changes you. The change is very subtle but very quick, immediate. And that’s what happens with inner energies.

If you are looking at them they disappear into the unconscious, they hide in the darkness. Drop that habit. Things are happening. Enjoy them rather than thinking about them. It is better to dance them rather than to think about them. Sing them. Paint them.

Once when Isadora Duncan was asked “What is the secret of your dance?” she said “The secret is that I want to say something but there is no other way to say it, so I dance it. That is the only way to say it.”

When a dancer has something to say through his dance there is something tremendously beautiful in it. When a dancer has nothing to say then he is simply moving through physical exercises. It may be yoga but it is not dance. Dance is a communication, a communion.

When a painter has nothing to say he functions as a technician. He may be good as a camera but he is not an artist. When the painter has something to say which he cannot say in any other way, then his painting has something mysterious abut it. So is the case with poetry, music and every art.

Don’t think about these things. When you feel them happening, dance, sing, play music rather than thinking because thinking will be a hindrance. And all these things – dancing, singing, playing, running, swimming – these will be helpful. They will allow the energies to come more and more into the open. And much is on the way if you can allow. You will go on becoming richer and richer.

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