14

< Previous | Contents | Next >

‌CHAPTER 14

29 December 1975 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[The Primal Therapy group, halfway through their therapy, were at darshan.

Osho has described it as not so much a therapy as a situation where people can let go into their fears and madnesses, their obsessions and secret hankerings, in a safe and protected environment and where help can be given to see beyond them.

An assistant trainer said she felt she was still holding herself back.]

No, you have been growing, and I am happy. You continue. When you work with people, you can work as a duty or you can work with them as a love. There is a lot of difference between these two. Duty is lukewarm, love is passionate. Duty can help, but love can transform. Duty can touch only the surface of the other person because it comes from your head. Love can transform because it comes from your heart.

Whenever you are working with people, remember that each person is unique. You will never find such a person again; it happens only once. Each person is historic because he will never be repeated again. So each moment of contact will also be historical because it is unrepeatable; it is tremendously valuable. So whenever you are helping, help out of love. Flow, and forget helping. Start caring – that is the difference.

If you help, you will be at the most a nurse. If you care, you become a mother. Help is a quantitative thing. Care is qualitative, and it shows an intensity; it is a flame. So be deeply in passion.

Each individual is representative of the divine. Love him, worship him, respect him, and whatsoever you do, do in deep humbleness. Then you will be helped more than you are helping. Then you will grow more than the person can grow through your help.

And there is no other way in the world to learn something than to become a teacher. But take it as a very very sacred and holy affair. Be really sincere and authentic about it. I’m not saying be serious. I’m saying be sincere, because once you become serious you cannot help. Be sincere but non-serious, playful. Take it as a fun – but don’t forget the sacredness of it. When fun and sacredness meet, there arises a quality in you that can help. This is the alchemy of help: fun and sacredness meeting in you.

And that feeling is right – that you are still not total in it. One never is. The more you are in it, the more you will feel that something is lacking. Life is a continuous flow, and there is no end to it. Something more is always possible.

There is no end to it and it is good; otherwise, if an end came you would be dead. But the feeling is good, so bring more effort, more energy into it. You will become more and more total in it, but never total. Do you follow me? You become more total, but never total. Nobody ever is. Good!

[The other assistant helper said he felt he would like to act as a vehicle; to allow things to happen through him. But for this, he felt more moments of being quiet and inactive were needed. He wondered whether the structure of the therapy as it was would allow this.]

Mm mm, make it part of the work! It is helpful. Activity helps and passivity too. After each intensive experience, a few moments of passivity are tremendously useful and meaningful.

In fact, that is the whole meaning of the active work: to bring you to a point where you are exhausted, tired. Tired of activity, tired of aggression, tired of outgoingness; so tired that you would like to relax within yourself. You would like to simply sit and do nothing, or lie down as if you would like to disappear for a few moments, to withdraw.

So these moments of withdrawal are very very meaningful. So make it part of your work. First be very active, because only then those moments are available. The activity should be so intense and so passionate that you are really burned out, otherwise if you simply sit without intense activity, nothing will happen; you are not ready.

After the activity, sit in silence together. You can hold hands and be in a circle, not doing anything. Just a few moments will revitalize you. You will be able to feel that the energy is not coming from you, but from something deeper than you, higher than you, greater than you. You are at the receiving end. It is not coming from you; it is being given to you.

[A group member said he realised how much he missed his mother, and that he felt a deep split. He was visibly moved and tearful.]

It has been very good.…

The mother is the first love; and through the mother you start loving the world. Through the mother you start being capable of love, and whenever you come to love somebody, your mother’s love will be present there.

You have touched something very basic. Cry, and be happy about it. Don’t suppress it. It will bring many things up. If a man cannot love his mother very deeply then he cannot love any woman, because all women are representatives of the mother, reflections of her.

In India we have a saying that if you really love a woman, eventually she becomes your mother. Only then love is fulfilled. Each husband becomes a child, each woman a mother. That is the culmination – and that is where man and woman departed.

A child is born and goes away from the mother; they separate. Then the child returns and becomes a child again, has a second childhood, and finds the woman again turning into a mother. Each woman has to complete her circle by becoming a mother, and each man has to complete his circle by becoming a child. When the circle is complete, love is fulfilled.

Watch, even a small girl is motherly. She starts playing with dolls, plays house and things like that. She is already a mother, a miniature. In the West something is missing, and that’s why the whole family life is on the rocks, has almost gone. The family has disappeared because the base of it is that the man should love a woman so totally that he becomes her child, and the woman becomes his mother.

But this is possible only if you love one woman, intensely, deeply, intimately. If you go on changing your woman every day it is not going to happen; then all relationships will remain casual. That is where the western man and woman are missing. The conflict and the confusion and chaos is so much that they both think they are being cheated by each other. Nobody is cheating anybody – it is just that the circle is not ready until it is completed.

If you cannot become a child again, you will not be able to love your own child. If a woman cannot become so deeply in love with her husband that she becomes a mother to him, she will not be able to love her own children – and then the vicious circle continues.

You have touched something very deep. Dig it deep and let flow, mm? Good!

[A group member said that she was feeling very very sad but she did not know why... that it might have something to do with her father leaving home when she was six years old. It had been a shock to her as she had had no idea he was going.

Osho said that the only way to get rid of past wounds was to become conscious of them... ]

If you become conscious of them, they dissolve. Otherwise they are always hiding there, and they go on influencing your life – though you don’t know it.

For example if you loved your father, a deep wound is left there. It is natural and has to be so, because a child, and particularly a girl, misses the father very deeply. When the parents separate, it is not so difficult for them, in fact it may be more convenient. There are moments of conflict, of violence, so that two people may think it is no use to be together when they are hurting each other – and unnecessarily. So they may feel relieved. But nobody thinks about the child.

The child is both the mother and the father. Half of the child comes from the mother and half from the father. The child is a synthesis of the polarities of male and female. When the mother and father separate, and the child is not yet Grown up, a rift happens in the child. It is not only a divorce of father and mother. It is a divorce within the child between male and female, and that becomes a wound.

If the child is grown up – and by Grown up I mean if a girl is so Grown up that she has fallen in love with some man – then there is no problem. In this man she has found a new synthesis of man and woman. So if the father and mother separate, there is not going to be such a deep wound. But a small child is helpless, and the wound is so deep. She goes on hiding and hiding and hiding it, until by and by she forgets all about it. One has to forget. To live you have to forget many wounds, but they are there inside. They go on continuously functioning from behind the stage, prompting your head.

You love a man, but your father left you when you were very small. Now you cannot believe in any man, cannot trust him, because the first man you trusted deceived you. So on the surface you think you love the man, but at the back a deep distrust is there. It goes on prompting you, telling you to be alert and not to be deceived again.

These are unconscious things that go on inside. You don’t know that they are there, but they influence you. You cannot trust totally, you cannot surrender totally. You cannot move totally – you are always half moving and half ready to move back, always fearful, divided.

These deep wounds have to be lived through, that is why you are so sad. Don’t try to repress it. Be sad, as sad as possible. Be consciously sad. Go behind the stage in fantasy, and then you know, and something can be done. When you know something, you can tackle it because it is no longer a problem really. The past is past and cannot be undone – but your wound can be undone.

Your father and mother cannot meet, but the male and the female within you can meet and the rift can be bridged. And once that happens, you will be able to forgive your father. You may even become capable of feeling a deep compassion for him. Because that poor man must have suffered, otherwise what man would leave the woman he loves?

Gurdjieff had written on his house – and it was to be read by all his disciples – that before you enter here, you must be capable of forgiving your father and mother. It looks foolish. How can it be meaningful? But it is, because to come to a master, you come to a man who is both father and mother. If you have not yet forgiven your father and mother, how can you forgive me? Impossible!

And the master is even more important because he is both father and mother. He is a union, a synthesis of male and female, yin and yang. When one becomes capable of being a disciple, only then can one come to terms with one’s own father and mother. Only then can one come back to a loving relationship.

But your knot can be undone, your complexities can disappear. They will disappear on their own. Don’t try to escape from them, mm?

[A group member says: I left the group... and I’m going home in a few days.]

No, you escaped from the situation. You are a coward and cowards always go on trying to find rationalisations.

You were just going to touch some layer within you and you escaped. Your cleverness is not going to help you; in fact it is your enemy. Just the very moment that you were coming closer to some wound, to some strata which would have been very meaningful and significant, you escaped.

Next time when you come, be ready – you will have to do the group again. You have to do it once completely, because it is going to help you so much. You cannot see, that’s the trouble. You are almost blind, you cannot see. What have you gained by dropping out of it? Just by going home, what are you going to do? Even if it was a little painful, you were not going to be killed by these people. Whenever somebody wants to grow, there is some discomfort. One has to get hurt, but others are going through it, so you were not alone.

That is why I am insisting so much on the group – because people have become so cowardly that they cannot grow alone. In the past, people were really brave. They worked alone, and nothing like a group existed. By and by, as people became cowardly and lost all courage, groups had to be started...

It was unworthy of you. This was going to give you many valuable experiences. If you can gather courage I think you should complete it. Or is it difficult to gather courage? You are really very very scared.

[The group member answers: I’m not that scared. I just feel... my mind told me not to do the group. I just woke up one morning, and my mind said not to go back to the group.]

So don’t listen to the mind! You have been listening to this mind for your whole life and where has it led, what has it given to you?

This is rot – what you call the mind. It is nothing to do with you, just a crowd; accumulated rubbish that you call your mind. What is the need to listen to it?

You just tell the mind that for seven days, (the duration of the remainder of the group) you are not going to listen to it. And then don’t listen to it, just go to the group every day. Try, mm? It will be a good experience and you will feel more comfortable about yourself.

You will get out of your bondage, the bondage of the mind, and you will feel free. The mind is your slave, not your master. Who is this mind to tell you not to do the group? If you want to do it, do it, and the mind has to help. If you don’t want to do it, don’t, and the mind has to help you.

If you don’t want to do the group, tell me. But don’t bring in the mind.

[The group member says: I can’t tell the difference between me and my mind.]

You can! Why did you start this group? You wanted to do it Then the mind became afraid because it became aware, by and by, that things were going to be dangerous – so it told you not to do it.

There is a sannyasin here whose mind tells him every morning not to do the dynamic meditation. But he goes and he does it, and it is a beautiful experience because now he has become aware that he can put aside the mind. You can put aside the mind that feels fear, and then you regain your power and your mastery. Just try!

[He answers: I feel that all my life I’ve been trying, making an effort, pushing myself hard in everything I did. But I can’t tell the difference between what is my mind and what is me.]

Who is saying this – you or your mind? Right now close your eyes, and be honest...

(laughing) It is your mind! The effort was being done by you, because every effort for growth comes from the being, and all laziness comes from the mind.

So look at it again tomorrow morning and decide. If it is your mind, then put it aside and go to the group and finish it. And if you feel it is you who does not want to do the group, forget about the group. It is up to you to bring some clarity to it, mm? And be sincere.

If it is you, you will feel very happy about not doing it, and if it is the mind, you will be unhappy. You look unhappy, that is why I am insisting on it – that it is the mind. You should have been very very happy if it was your being that wanted to drop out, because when you follow your being, happiness comes to you.

But you have to clarify this. On it, much depends – your future growth. If you start listening to the mind your growth will stop, mm? Try, try hard to see what is what. Good.

< Previous | Contents | Next >