Chapter title: From Italy to Nirvana
7 November 1980 am in Buddha Hall Archive
code:
8011070
ShortTitle:
COME12
Audio:
Yes Video:
Yes Length:
0
mins
Q2 and Q4 on video The first question:
Question 1 BELOVED OSHO,
I FELT SO MUCH LOVE POURING FROM YOU WHEN I COULD NOT GET THE
MICROPHONE TO WORK THE OTHER DAY. WITH MY HANDS
SHAKING, AND
MY HEART THUMPING, I KNEW I HAD TO DO SOMETHING -- YET WITH
YOUR BIG, BROWN EYES SMILING AT ME, I JUST WANTED TO SIT THERE
AND MELT INTO YOU. IT WAS AN EXQUISITE TENSION.
Anand Prateek, that's exactly what I was telling you to do. Sit silently and do nothing --
and the microphone starts working by itself! But you wouldn't listen; you continued doing something or other -- and that was creating the whole mess! But it is natural, it happens.
One day my Rolls didn't start, and I was telling Heeren again and again, "Wait a minute!"
But he wouldn't wait, he went on turning the ignition. Just one minute I was telling him to wait, and the moment I left in the other car, exactly after one minute it started. Then he realized that there are some times when if you don't do anything, things settle on their own accord. But it is difficult.…
A man goes to a cocktail party. When the waiter brings round the salmon rolls, the lady standing next to him bends over to pick one up and loses her glass eye amongst the hors d'oeuvres. Before she can do anything, the man picks up a salmon roll containing the glass eye and eats it.
A week later he finds himself suffering from severe constipation. The doctors cannot seem to cure it so they decide to get him into the operating theater to stick a tube inside him and see what the problem is.
The doctor takes one look down the tube, looks up at the patient and says, "You really don't trust me, do you?"
And moreover, Prateek, what was the hurry? We were all enjoying! It was such a beautiful joke that without a single punchline to it people were bursting in laughter. I have received many letters: "What happened that day? Even when
you are telling a beautiful joke, the laughter never goes so deep and so total. But that day neither were you telling a joke, nor had we heard anything, but the laughter was happening!"
Recently some tapes other than Watergate have been discovered by archaeologists, and they shed light on Daniel in the lion's den.
You must know the old story of Saint Daniel who was thrown into a den of lions because he refused to betray his faith. He came out of the den unharmed. It was thought to be a great miracle. But this recent discovery by the archaeologists says something else. It says, the tapes reveal, that at the precise moment when the lion was going to eat Daniel, Daniel quickly grabbed one of the lion's ears and whispered into it, "Don't eat me! Remember, after dinner come the speeches!"
So there was no hurry -- only a speech was going to come after. Even if the microphone was not going to work, there was no harm at all. We would have sat, enjoyed, laughed and said goodbye to each other!
Learn to do nothing.…
"What are you doing here?" asks one mouse to his friend. "Nothing really, just sitting in the sun."
"Ah!" says the first mouse. "I guess that's what I am doing too!" And that's what all these orange people are here to do -- nothing.
Prateek, you missed one opportunity. But next time, remember, imitation won't do! Just because I am telling you, "Do nothing," it won't help -- you have to be original. But once it is said and if you follow it, the microphone is not going to work at all. That opportunity is lost, at least for this life!
The second question: Question 2 BELOVED OSHO,
THE WORLD SEEMS TO BE GETTING MORE AND MORE CRAZY FROM DAY
TO DAY. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON AND EVERYTHING IS UPSIDE
DOWN AND CONFUSED. THIS IS WHAT IS TOLD IN THE NEWSPAPERS. IS IT
REAL? AND IF SO, IS THERE ANY INTRINSIC BALANCE IN LIFE WHICH IS
KEEPING EVERYTHING STABLE?
Buddhaprem, the world is the same; it has always been the same -- upside down, crazy, insane. In fact, only one thing new has happened in the world, and that is the awareness that we ARE crazy, that we are upside down, that something is basically wrong with us.
And this is a great blessing -- this awareness. Of course it is only a beginning, just the abc of a long process, just a seed, but immensely pregnant.
The world was never so aware of its insane ways as it is today. It has always been the same. In three thousand years man has fought five thousand wars. Can you say this humanity is sane? One cannot remember a time in human history when people were not destroying each other either in the name of religion or in the name of God or even in the name of peace, humanity, universal brotherhood. Great words hiding ugly realities!
Christians have been killing Mohammedans, Mohammedans have been killing Christians, Mohammedans have been killing Hindus, Hindus have been killing Mohammedans.
Political ideologies, religious ideologies, philosophical ideologies are just facades for murder -- to murder in a justified way.
And all these religions were promising the people, "If you die in a religious war, your heaven is absolutely certain. Killing in war is not sin; being killed in war is a great virtue." This is sheer stupidity! But ten thousand years of conditioning has seeped deep into the blood, into the bones, in the very marrow of humanity.
Each religion, each country, each race was claiming, "We are the chosen people of God.
We are the highest; everyone is lower than us." This is insanity, and everybody has suffered because of it. Jews have suffered immensely for one single folly that they committed: the idea that "We are the chosen people of God." Once you have the idea that you are the chosen people of God, then you cannot be forgiven by others because they are also the chosen people of God, and how to decide it? No argument can be conclusive, and nobody knows where God is hiding so you cannot ask him either; he cannot be brought in the court to be a witness. Then only the sword is going to decide. Whosoever is mighty is going to be right. Might has been right.
Jews really suffered for centuries, but the suffering has not changed them. In fact it has strengthened the idea that they are the chosen people of God. The same people who tell them, "You are the chosen people," also tell them that the chosen people have to go through many tests, many fires to prove their mettle.
I have heard about an old rabbi -- he must have been a very sane man -- praying to God.
He was praying for years and years and never asking for anything -- and you know, prayer is a kind of nagging: you go on nagging God every day, morning, afternoon, evening, night, five times every day. God must be getting tired, utterly bored.…
And the rabbi was not asking for anything; otherwise there was a way out. If he had been asking for something it would have been given and the rabbi would have been told, "Get lost!" But he was not asking for anything, just praying.
Finally God asked him, "Why do you go on torturing me? What do you want?"
And the old rabbi said, "Just one thing. Is it not time for you to choose some other people? Please, make some other people your chosen people. We have suffered enough!"
But this is not only so with the Christians, Jews, Mohammedans and Hindus; it is exactly the same with all the people that have existed up to now. The racial ego, the religious ego, the spiritual ego is far more dangerous than the individual ego, because the individual ego is gross. You can see it -- everybody can see it, it is so
visible on the surface. But when the ego becomes racial -- "Hinduism is great" -- you don't think you are claiming anything for yourself. Indirectly you are claiming, "I am great because I am a Hindu, and Hinduism is great." This is an indirect way, a subtle, cunning way: "I am great because I am a Japanese, because Japanese are the direct descendants of the sun God"; or, "I am a Chinese and the Chinese are the most civilized people, the most cultured."
When the Westerners reached China for the first time, looking at the Chinese, they laughed. They looked more like caricatures; cartoons rather than men -- just four or five hairs sticking out of your face and that's your whole beard! What kind of people are these? The first Europeans wrote in their diaries, "It seems we have discovered the missing link between the monkeys and man."
And what were the Chinese writing in their journals? Even the emperor of China was very much interested in seeing the Europeans because he had heard many stories about them. They were invited to his court, not because he respected the Europeans, but just to see what kind of people these were. Never before...! And he could not contain his laughter; he started laughing when he saw the Europeans.
The Europeans were very much embarrassed: "Why is he laughing?" They were told,
"That is his way of appreciating. He always laughs, enjoys; that is his way of welcoming the guests." But the reality was that he could not believe that these are human beings! He asked his people, "Have you brought them from African jungles? They look like monkeys!"
That's how the ego functions: the other is always reduced to the lowest possible; and compared to the other, one raises oneself higher.
You say, Buddhaprem, "The world seems to be getting more and more crazy from day to day." That is not right; it has always been so. Only one thing new is happening, and that is a blessing, not a curse at all. For the first time in the whole history of humanity, a few people are becoming aware that the way we have existed up to now is somehow wrong; something basically is missing in our very foundation. There is something which does not allow us to grow into sane human beings. In our very conditioning are the seeds of insanity.
Every child is born sane, and then, slowly slowly, we civilize him -- we call it
the process of civilization. We prepare him to become part of the great culture, the great church, the great state to which we belong. Our whole politics is stupid, and then HE becomes stupid.
Our whole education is ugly. Our politics means nothing but ambition, naked ambition --
ambition for power. And only the lowest kind of people become interested in power.
Only the people who are suffering from a deep inferiority complex become politicians.
They want to prove that they are not inferior; they want to prove it to others, they want to prove to themselves that they are not inferior, they are superior.
But what is the need to prove it if you are superior? The superior man does not try to prove anything, he is so at ease with his superiority. That's what Lao Tzu says: The superior man is not even conscious of his superiority; there is no need at all. It is only the ill person who starts thinking of health; the healthy person never thinks about health. The healthy person is not self-conscious about his health; only the sick, only the ill. The beautiful person, the really beautiful person is not self-conscious about his or her beauty.
It is only the ugly person who is constantly worried and making every effort to prove that it is not so.
In fact, in proving to others that "I am not inferior, I am not ugly," he is trying to prove it to himself. The others function as a mirror. If the others can say, "Yes, you are great "
But they will say it only when you are powerful, when you are rich; otherwise they are not going to say anything. Who is interested in your ego? They are interested in THEIR
egos, but reluctantly, when you have power to destroy, they have to accept.
Adolf Hitler was mad, but nobody in Germany dared to say it. Many felt that he was mad, but the moment he was defeated and committed suicide, many people started writing that they had always felt it. Even his own physicians who had
never dared to tell the person himself -- at least THEY were supposed to say the truth, they were the physicians -- they had not said that he was sick, badly sick, and not only physiologically but psychologically too.
He suffered from many nightmares, he was constantly afraid of being killed. He was obsessed with the idea that he was going to be killed, so much so that he never got married. He got married only when he had decided to commit suicide, just three hours before. To avoid having a woman in the same room, he never got married -- because who knows, the woman may be a spy, an enemy, and while he is asleep she may kill him, poison him. He never trusted even the woman he pretended to love. He had no friends, because to be friendly with someone means to trust, and he was so doubtful.
The politicians are insane, but we teach our children to be politicians. We teach our children the same culture that has tortured us, the same values that have been heavy on us, that have only proved to be subtle chains, imprisonment. But we go on conditioning our children. The same education that has destroyed our grace, our innocence -- we go on stuffing the same knowledge into our children's heads. And we go on lying to our children as our parents lied to us.
And this has been going on and on for centuries. How can humanity be healthy, wholesome, relaxed? It is bound to be crazy. Just look what lies you go on telling your children.
A little boy rushed into his mother's room and said, "Mommy, I had always wanted to ask one question, but today it is very urgent -- I want the answer right now."
The mother was changing her clothes, getting ready to go out, and the son asked, "What are these two things on your chest?"
The mother felt a little embarrassed: How to explain to the child about the breasts?
Now, it is a simple thing to explain, and children are very understanding. It could easily have been explained that they are meant for small children to get their nourishment, and the thing would have been finished then and there. But we have become accustomed to such lies -- and the mother immediately invented a lie.
She said, "These are balloons. When a woman dies, God puffs up these balloons. They become bigger and bigger and bigger, and then the woman's body starts rising towards heaven."
The child said, "Now I know what is happening." The mother said, "What is happening?"
He said, "Our maid servant is dying, but poor daddy is trying hard to prevent her. He is lying on top of the servant, holding her down, sucking her balloons to pull the air out, and the maid servant is saying, `God, I am coming!'"
Now, these stupid lies -- and you think humanity is going to be sane? It has always been insane. It has always remained upside down and confused, because you have been brought up on lies.
But one thing good is happening today: at least a few intelligent young people are becoming aware that our whole past has been wrong and it needs a radical change. "We need a discontinuity from our past. We want to start afresh, we NEED to start afresh. The whole past has been an experiment in utter futility!"
Buddhaprem, once we accept the truth as it is, man can become sane. Man is born sane; WE drive him crazy. Once we accept that there are no nations and no races, man will become very calm and quiet. All this continuous violence and aggression will disappear.
If we accept man's body, its sexuality, naturally, then all kinds of stupidities preached in the name of religion will evaporate. Ninety-nine percent of psychological diseases exist because of man's sexual repression.
We have to make man free of his past. That's my whole work here: to help you to get rid of the past. Whatsoever the society has done to you has to be undone. Your consciousness has to be cleaned, emptied so that you can become like a pure mirror reflecting reality. To be able to reflect reality is to know God. God is just another name for reality: that which is. And a man is really sane when he knows the truth.
Truth brings liberation, truth brings sanity.
Truth brings intelligence, truth brings innocence.
Truth brings bliss, truth brings celebration.
We have to change this whole earth into a tremendous festival, and it is possible because man brings all that is needed to transform this earth into a paradise.
The third question:
Question 3 BELOVED OSHO,
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ARE REALLY AN ITALIAN?
Antar Vittorio, not now, but I must have been in some of my past lives. One has to pass through all kinds of things; one has to be an Italian too. Without being an Italian you cannot become enlightened -- that much is absolutely certain. If somebody becomes enlightened without being an Italian he will have to come back; he will relapse from his enlightenment. Hence it is a must to pass through.
To be an Italian is just the opposite of being enlightened. Have you ever heard about any Italian becoming enlightened? But it helps -- to touch the opposite pole is very necessary; only then the journey begins towards the source. You have gone as much astray as you could, then the prodigal sons return. You have to come back -- there is nowhere else to go. Once you are an Italian, where else can you go? What else can you do? You have reached the dead end of the road. So it is good to be an Italian -- the sooner it happens the better!
To be an Italian is to be really upside down, and not half-heartedly! I must have been an Italian; otherwise whatsoever I am now today would not have been possible. And I can say the same about Gautama the Buddha, Lao Tzu, Jesus, Bahauddin: all these people must have been Italian in some of their lives! You cannot bypass being an Italian. If you bypass, you are bypassing it at your own risk; you will have to come back. The Italian experience is something nobody can afford to miss.
Why is there such a low suicide rate among Italians?
It's pretty hard to kill yourself jumping out of a basement window!
A German, a Frenchman and an Italian were captured during the second world
war and brought to a prison camp.
"How many pairs of underwear do you need?" asked the quartermaster sergeant. "Seven," said the German; "a pair for each day of the week."
"Four," said the Frenchman; "one for each week in the month."
"And how about you, Luigi?" asked the sergeant. "How many pairs of underwear do YOU need?"
"Twelve," replied the Italian.
"What the hell do you need twelve for?"
"One-a for January, one-a for February, one-a "
Luigi met his best friend Giancarlo in the street one day. "Hello, Giancarlo, what-a you got-a inna your coat?"
"Well-a," said Giancarlo, "you know-a that fascist bastard Francesco? Well-a, every time I come-a to town, he says-a to me, `Hey, Giancarlo, how you doing today-a?' Then he punches me in the chest-a with his fist-a and breaks-a all my cigars. So today I got-a four sticks-a of dynamite in my pocket. When he comes- a, I am-a gonna blow his goddamn hand-a off!"
Pierino comes home from school and asks his father, "Papa, what does
`simultaneously' mean?"
"It means at the same time," replies the father. But Pierino still does not understand, so the father explains it.
"Well," he says, "if you were born from a relationship between your mother and another man, not me, what would I be?"
"A cuckold!" replies the little boy.
"Right!" says the father. "And simultaneously you would be the son of a bitch!"
The Italian experience is very fundamental for spiritual growth. If you are not born an Italian, you can learn to be an Italian -- it is easy. All that you need to do is exactly the same that you do in meditation, just a little bit different. In meditation you go beyond the mind; in being Italian you go below the mind. In both cases you go out of the mind! And it is better first to try to go below the mind; that will give you an out-of-the-mind experience -- and then there is no possibility of relapsing.
Once you have tasted being an Italian, then you start praying to God, "No more of it!
Enough is enough!" Then you start praying, "I don't want any more birth and death. I am fed up with time, I want to dissolve into eternity." But without being an Italian, this longing will not arise in you.
That's why I am so much in love with Italians -- every moment they are coming closer to enlightenment. The deeper they become Italians, the closer they are coming to enlightenment; then the jump can happen at any moment.
There are people who are just in the middle -- neither here nor there; they don't have much hope. For example, Indians -- they don't have much hope. They are middle-of-the-road walkers -- very careful, very cautious; they never go to the extremes. Keeping themselves in the middle they miss both the ultimate in misery and the ultimate in ecstasy.
To be an Italian is to be in ultimate misery. The only hope is spaghetti; otherwise all is misery! Once you have experienced the ultimate in misery, now the only possible way left for you is to search for the ultimate bliss, and nothing less than that will help you.
The ultimate misery can be removed only by ultimate bliss.
It is not an accident that so many Italians are here. They have tasted the misery there, they have seen. If you have seen Italy you have seen the whole world. It is a miniature world, and once you are fed up with Italy you are fed up with the world too. Then nirvana is possible. In fact, from Italy to nirvana there is a direct route; that is the most simple, direct and the shortest route.
Italians live a very earthy life; they are earthy people. That's what is good about them --
they are down to earth. They are not too interested in heaven and paradise; they don't care much about that. This earth is enough. But because it is not enough, sooner or later they start feeling an urge to seek for something else.
The Indians live on the earth, they are very mundane, but they go on talking about spirituality. That keeps them in a kind of illusion. Because of their talk they think they are spiritual. Because of their beautiful words which they have become very efficient in repeating...thousands of years of repeating and chanting mantras. They can do it very easily and befool others, but that is secondary -- they can befool themselves. Hearing themselves using beautiful words, they can become infatuated with their own words.
Words have then their own magnetism. If you use great words you will be influenced by those words -- and your reality will be the same, it will not change. Words cannot change your reality, but they can hide, they can cover it up. They can give you a respectability.
The Indian lives in respectability. His whole effort is how to remain respectable, religious, spiritual; how to show others that he is a holy man. He is continuously making deliberate and not so deliberate efforts at pretending greatness, other- worldliness. You can see around him that stinking, ugly phenomenon of holier- than-thou.
Italians are beautiful in that way. They are simple people, down-to-earth, no- nonsense people. They don't bother about spiritual rubbish. And it is good to be earthly. My own experience is, if you have never been earthly, down-to-earth, if you have never been really materialistic, absolutely earthly, if you have never been really an atheist, you will not become spiritual, ever. Materialism has to become the base; your down-to-earthness has to become your foundation. Then the temple, the shrine of spirituality can rise on top of it.
First be a Charvaka, an Epicurean, a Zorba the Greek; only then can you be Gautama the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Bahauddin, Nanak, Kabir.… If your foundation is missing, then your spirituality is hocus-pocus; it is just verbal.
I love the Italian rootedness into the earth, because from there the work can start. The body has to be accepted first, not only accepted but respected too. If you have not explored your body you will not be able to explore the soul. The methodology of exploration is the same, but begin with the body because the
body is the visible part of your soul. Start with the visible and then slowly move towards the invisible. Start with the known and then move towards the unknown. Start from the periphery and then go deeper towards the center.
There are millions of people in the world who live in words -- repeating THE BIBLE, the KORAN, the GITA, the DHAMMAPADA -- but they are like parrots, mechanical; they are gramophone records. They can repeat the scriptures perfectly, but they know nothing.
Knowledge needs roots in the earth, just as a tree needs roots in the earth. The branches will rise towards the sky, the branches will try to reach to the stars. But at the same time the roots have to go deeper and deeper into the earth. Remember, there is a balance: the higher the tree goes, the deeper its roots have to go; it is totally balanced. You cannot have a big tree with small roots. It will fall, it will not be able to stand.
That's how India has fallen...a big tree with very small roots. The most basic thing is to grow roots. But the roots cannot be grown into the sky, they have to grow into the earth, into the body, into matter. Then your branches can rise into the sky, into the world of the spiritual. They can reach to God.
Friedrich Nietzsche is right when he says, "When a tree wants to touch the feet of God, it has to reach to the very center of hell through its roots. The roots have to go to the very rock bottom; then only can the branches and the flowers be offered to the feet of God.
By Italian I simply mean a certain symbol, just as by Indian I mean a certain symbol. The Indian represents the hypocrite. Wherever he is born, that doesn't matter; he may be born even in Italy. But wherever you find a hypocrite you will find an Indian, and wherever you find a realistic, pragmatic, practical person he will be an Italian. To me these words don't represent geography, they represent something metaphorical.
My commune is going to be one of the richest communes that has ever happened on the earth. I have chosen Deeksha to take care of your bodies -- an Italian, a perfect mamma!
And she is taking care as beautifully as possible.
My commune consists of all kinds of people. They will all pool their different
energies to make it the richest commune in the whole of existence that has ever existed. Around Buddha there were only Indians, around Jesus there were only Jews, around Mohammed there were only Mohammedans. Around me there are all kinds of people -- theists, atheists, materialists, spiritualists, Catholics, Communists, Jainas, Jews, Italians, Indians, Germans...all kinds of people, and they have all developed different sides of humanity.
No country has developed the whole human being, only partial human beings.
We can create the whole human being, multidimensional, immensely rich, rooted in the earth and yet longing for the stars.
The last question:
Question 4 BELOVED OSHO,
I AM LEAVING THIS WONDERFUL BUDDHAFIELD TO VENTURE FORTH INTO
THE BIG, WIDE WORLD TO GET EVERYTHING READY TO BECOME PART OF
OUR NEW COMMUNE.
PLEASE TELL ME A JOKE THAT WILL ACCOMPANY ME ON MY
ADVENTURES AND THAT WILL REMIND ME OF YOUR ETERNAL LAUGHTER.
Deva Darshan, this is the joke for you:
A recently-married traveling salesman came home early from his business trip. He arrived at one o'clock in the morning and tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom, not wishing to disturb his young wife. When he opened the door, to his horror he saw another man sleeping in his bed, next to his wife.
In a burst of rage he grabbed the man by the hair and pulled him out of bed. He kicked him and pushed him down the stairs and out of the back door. He forced
the naked man into the garden shed, grabbed his prick and put it in a vice, which he then tightened and padlocked. He took a hacksaw from the shelf, very methodically removed the blade and fitted a new one in.
The terrified young man's eyes bulged at this prospect.
"You-you are no-no-not going to-to cut my prick off, are you?" he stammered.
"No," smiled the husband, handing the saw to the relieved young man. "YOU are! I am going to set fire to the shed!"
Enough for today.
Come, Come, Yet Again Come Chapter #13
Chapter title: Of Course the Grass Grows by Itself 8 November 1980 am in Buddha Hall
Archive code: 8011080
ShortTitle: COME13
Audio: Yes Video: No Length:
0
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The first question:
Question 1 BELOVED OSHO,
PEOPLE OF ALMOST ALL THE RELIGIONS TRY TO CONVINCE OTHER
PEOPLE TO FOLLOW THEIR RESPECTIVE RELIGIONS. BUT I HAVE MET
MANY OF YOUR FOLLOWERS AND THEY ALWAYS DISCOURAGE ME FROM
ADOPTING THE WAY YOU ARE PREACHING. WHY SO?
Harrinder Singh, the first thing: what I am teaching is not a religion but a religiousness. A religion is a creed, a dogma, an ideology; it is intellectual. You can be convinced about it
-- arguments can be given, proofs can be supplied, you can be silenced. Argumentation is a kind of violence, a very subtle violence. It is an attempt to manipulate you, control you, enslave you. All the religions have been doing that for thousands of years; it is a subtle strategy to create mental slavery.
What I am doing here has nothing to do with religion at all. It is a kind of religiousness --
no belief, no dogma, no church. It is a love affair; you cannot be convinced of it. Do you think Majnu can convince others about the beauty of Laila? It is impossible. Nobody can convince anybody else about his love affair. It is far deeper than the intellect, it is of the heart, and the heart knows no arguments, no proofs; it is simply so. One can dance, one can sing, but one cannot prove it. One can shout with joy, one can say "Alleluia!" but those are not arguments, they are not convincing.
The story about Majnu is very significant. It is a Sufi story. It is not an ordinary love story as people have been thinking, it is an allegory.
Majnu fell in love with a woman called Laila who was not beautiful according to others.
According to the public opinion she was very ordinary, homely -- not only that but ugly too. And Majnu was mad, so mad that the very name of Majnu has become synonymous with madness. He was continuously praying to God, continuously moving around the city asking people for help, because he was a poor man and the woman he had fallen in love with belonged to an aristocratic family. Even to see Laila from far away was not easy. It was a Mohammedan country, and in a Mohammedan country it is very difficult to see even the face of a woman.
Seeing his agony, his anguish, even the king became a little concerned. He called Majnu; he felt great compassion for him. He told him, "I know that woman; that family is well known to me, and if Laila had been a beautiful woman she would have been part of my harem. I have not chosen her -- she is not worth choosing. I have got all the beautiful women from all over the country, and I feel so much for you that I will give you a chance. You can choose any woman from my harem and she will be yours!" -- and he called the most beautiful women.
Majnu looked at each woman in minute detail and said, "This is not Laila!" Again and again...he passed over a dozen women, and the remark was always the same: "This is not Laila!"
The king said, "You must have gone utterly crazy! Laila is nothing compared to these beautiful women! You can choose anyone. I KNOW your Laila, I have known the most beautiful women of the world, and my women are some of the greatest that have ever been on the earth."
Majnu said, "But you don't understand me. And I can understand that you cannot understand. It is not a question of choosing somebody else; the choice is not in my hands.
It has happened already; the heart has chosen! I am nobody, I cannot interfere in it. The mind is only the circumference; the heart is the center. The center has chosen, how can the circumference interfere?
"And moreover -- forgive me for saying so, because you have been so kind -- I still insist that there has never been a woman like Laila and there will never be again. But to see the beauty of Laila you need the eyes of a Majnu, and you don't
have those eyes so nothing can be done about it. You have to see her through MY eyes; only then will you be able to see the grandeur, the splendor of her being."
Remember these words: To see the beauty of Laila you need the eyes of a Majnu.
This is not a religion. The people who have gathered around me are lovers -- not intellectually convinced of what I am saying, but existentially convinced of what I am. It is a question not decided by the mind but something to be felt.
Harrinder Singh, that's why my people never try to convince anybody. Knowing perfectly well that you don't have the eyes of a Majnu, what is the point of going into hairsplitting logic? It is futile! They know perfectly well that it is not their intellect that has made them part of my buddhafield, it is their hearts. Something has started ringing in their hearts -- a bell has started ringing in their hearts.
Their hearts have felt a new release of energy, a new dance. A new melody has been heard, not a new argument but a new melody. Their hearts were asleep, now they are awake. Their hearts were like a desert. Now the spring has come, now roses are flowering, bees are humming. Their inner beings are transformed. It is religiousness.
Religiousness happens only when a Buddha or a Krishna or a Mahavira or a Christ is alive. When Christ dies there is religion. Religion is the corpse of religiousness; it only looks like a real person. When a person dies he looks exactly like he was when he was alive. Just something very small is missing -- he is no longer breathing; otherwise everything is perfectly good! You can paint his face, you can put his hair in a beautiful style, you can give him beautiful garments, and he will look very young and very alive, with red cheeks -- everything can be done. In the West it has become an art: how to paint the dead man, how to make him look alive. But it is only an appearance; the real is no longer there. It is only a cage -- maybe a golden cage, but the bird has flown away.
When religiousness dies, religion is born. Religiousness breathes; religion is a corpse.
But many people feel good with religion; in fact, the majority. Ninety-nine point nine percent of people feel good with religion, because it is not dangerous at all.
What can the corpse do to you? You can do anything to the corpse, but the corpse cannot do anything to you; the corpse is in your hands.
But when religion is alive and breathing -- that's what I mean by religiousness -- then you are possessed by it, but you cannot possess it. You cannot possess a Buddha or a Lao Tzu or a Zarathustra. You cannot possess Bahauddin, Jalaluddin, al-Hillaj Mansoor...no, that is not possible. These are people who have known the ultimate freedom -- how can you possess them? They cannot fulfill your expectations, they cannot move according to you; they will have their own way. If it suits you, you have to be with them. You will not be able to force them to be with you; there is no way possible.
The truth cannot be with you -- YOU have to be with the truth. But the lie is in your hands. You can manipulate it, you can make it look the way you want it to look, you can give it colors, you can cut it; you can give it form and shape, you can make it fit with your unconscious life. You can be a Hindu; it does not disturb your unconsciousness.
You can be a Mohammedan; it makes no transformation in you. You can be a Buddhist with no trouble at all, with no danger, with no insecurity. But to be with a buddha is to walk on fire! All that is nonessential in you will be burned and only the essential will survive -- and the essential is very small in you. So much of you is false, and it is going to die.
To be with a buddha means a death.
Life comes afterwards, but death comes first.
Resurrection first is not possible; it can follow only if crucifixion has happened. It comes after the crucifixion. To be with a master is to be ready to die and ready to be born anew.
Religion is consolation, conformation. Religiousness is revolution, rebellion.
Ajai Krishna Lakanpal has asked a long question about the Sufis who have died in the past -- Muhinuddin Chisti, Nijamuddin Auliya, Baba Jan and others. He has asked about their MAJALS, their graves -- have they any power? He is a worshipper of these majals -
- a worshipper of graves! And he is asking me, "Are they not still vibrating with the energy of those great mystics?"
Being here with me he has no courage, no guts to be a sannyasin, but he goes to Ajmer to pay his respects to somebody who was alive a few hundred years ago. And I know perfectly well that if Muhinuddin Chisti was alive today, Ajai Krishna Lakanpal would not go there at all. And even if he did go there he would ask about the Kaaba, Bodhgaya, the graves of Buddha, Mahavira, Christ Asking about the graves of other enlightened people is such a stupidity,
but it looks as if you are asking a religious question.
Being here with me, if you cannot risk then of course you have to go and worship graves.
And if you cannot feel the energy here, where else can you feel the energy? All that energy is your projection and nothing else. I am not saying that there is not any energy, but that energy can only be felt by those who have felt it with someone who is still alive.
If you can feel the energy here, if you can get in harmony with this energy, you may be able to feel it at the DARGA of Muhinuddin Chisti in Ajmer. But if you cannot feel it here, you cannot feel it there -- that is impossible. If you cannot see God in man how can you see God in a rock? First you have to see God in man; only then will your insight deepen and will you be able to see God in the rock too.
First you have to be in contact with a living religiousness, then all religions become true in a new sense; otherwise they are just corpses. But they are comfortable -- you can go and offer flowers and you can bow down, and the grave cannot do anything to you! You can come back with good feelings, that you have done something great, and you are the same old fool -- nothing has happened to you. At the most you are a little more foolish than you were before, because now you are a religious fool. Before you were just an ordinary fool; now you have some pretensions of religion too. Now you will come home with that haughty feeling of holier-than-thou -- just by going to a grave! And let me remind you, I am not saying that those graves have nothing; they have much, but only for those who have eyes. If you cannot see it in a living Sufi, in a living master, you are blind, you cannot see it in a grave at all.
But graves are good, because you are also dead and there is a certain adjustment. You are dead, the grave is dead; it feels very good -- in the right company. You are a ghost and you would like very much to live with the ghosts.
Harrinder Singh, you ask me: "People of almost all the religions try to convince other people to follow their respective religions. Why so?" That's a significant thing to ask.
You may be surprised: they are not really trying to convince others; by convincing others they are trying to convince themselves that "We are not wrong." When they are able to convince somebody, again they feel at ease: "My religion is right, I am not wrong. Look, even somebody who never belonged to my religion is convinced." Christians go on converting people all over the world. The only reason is that THEY are not convinced of Christ yet.
The two most ancient religions in the world have been non-converting religions: the Jews and the Hindus. The Jews never converted anybody -- they were so utterly convinced that there was no need to convince anybody else -- the Hindus never tried to convince anybody. And these are the oldest religions in the world; in fact, all other religions are, in a sense, branches. Christianity and Islam are branches of Judaism; Jainism, Buddhism and Sikhism are branches of Hinduism. The most ancient traditions have been non-converting. Why? The reason was that they were convinced; they were so ancient and they were not in need of new converts. Their very ancientness gave them enough ground to be convinced that they were right. Not that they were right, but they had this illusion of being right because of their long heritage going back into prehistoric times. They had the ancientmost scriptures, and that was enough for them; that served their purpose.
But Christianity was a new religion; Christ had to start from abc. Buddhism was new; Buddha had to start from abc. Mohammedanism was new; Mohammed had to start from abc -- he had nothing behind him to fall back upon. The only way for the Mohammedans was to convert others. They were substituting tradition by converting people and creating a great mass of followers; that was their way of convincing themselves.
Hindus and Jews were convincing themselves in a different way, but Christians, Mohammedans and Buddhists could not do that; that was not possible for them. That avenue was closed; they had to open a new door. They became converting religions. The most unconvinced of all these were the Christians for the simple
reason that the Jews had crucified Jesus. Now there was a great fear in the followers.
When Jesus left the world, the followers were in a deep darkness: their founder had been crucified with two criminals, two thieves...on both sides. He was treated like a criminal and he could not manage to do any miracle on the cross. There was a great shaking of the foundations. The Christians were very shaky, they were not grounded. They were very much afraid: "Who knows, we may have fallen into a trap. Jesus may not be the right messiah. The Jews could not recognize him -- great scholars, rabbis, saints, could not recognize him at all. Who knows...?" That doubt persisted. The only way to destroy that doubt was to convert as many people to Christianity as possible -- "If we can convert the whole earth, then it will be proof that we are right."
People think that a majority in numbers proves whether you are right or wrong. Now, you can take numbers in two ways: either you can count all the people who have gone before you in the past, or you can count the people who are still alive. If the door of tradition is closed, then you have to convert the contemporaries.
Christians became great converters, and they have converted almost half of humanity.
Still some wound remains, still the doubt has not disappeared -- and this is not the way to make it disappear. The heart has not yet become convinced, but the doubt still persists, the shadow lingers on.
Christians go on writing thousands of books proving that Jesus was the right messiah.
What is the point? Who are you trying to convince? You cannot convince the Jews; you have tried for two thousand years and you have not been successful. Hindus are not at all interested whether Jesus was the right messiah; Jainas are not interested; Buddhists are not interested. Who are you trying to convince? You are trying to convince yourself.
You must have known this psychological phenomenon.… When you are going alone into the forest on a dark night, you start whistling or singing a song, as if by singing a song the danger is averted, or that whistling is going to help. But in a psychological way it does something. When you start whistling you forget all about the fear -- because the mind can do only one thing at a time, so when you
are whistling you forget the fear.
Moreover, when you start whistling you start hearing the whistle, and when you start hearing the whistle it gives you the fallacious idea that somebody else is there who is whistling, and that makes you feel a little at ease. It is the same phenomenon.
Christians are still whistling, still doubtful. And they have to be doubtful -- they are responsible for their doubts. To prove to the Jews that Jesus is the right messiah, they have to brag and tell lies. For example, they say that he was born out of a virgin mother.
That is sheer nonsense! Now, how can you ever be convinced of it? You may turn the whole earth towards Christianity, yet the doubt will persist. Any man who has even a little bit of intelligence can see the point, that this is stupid -- Jesus cannot have been born out of a virgin mother. And then they have been saying that Jesus raised the dead, cured the blind.…
But Jesus could not prove anything on the cross, where the real test was, when one hundred thousand people had gathered to see the miracle. And he had been doing all these small miracles, but only in front of his disciples, and they were not many. He had only twelve apostles and they were all villagers, uneducated -- fishermen, woodcutters, carpenters, farmers, gardeners -- simple people. He walked on water in front of these people; he raised the dead in front of these people; he cured the blind in front of these people. And when one hundred thousand people had gathered, the most educated and sophisticated of all the rabbis and all the scholars and all the professors in Jerusalem, he could not do anything.
Jesus was thirsty on the cross, and he could not even produce a cup of water for himself.
And he had done miracles like transforming water into wine! He was thirsty and begging for water -- he was dying. A great doubt had arisen even in his own mind whether he was really the messiah, whether he was really the son of God. He asked God, "Have you forsaken me? Why have you forsaken me? Is this the time to leave me alone, to betray me? I lived the whole of my life in trust -- why are you not doing something to save me?"
And nothing happened. The sky remained silent -- no miracle. The people must
have gone home laughing. They must have all enjoyed the picnic and laughed. It must have been the gossip for a few days in the town, and people must have giggled about the whole affair -- that this man was a fool, a pretender. Christians have not yet forgotten it; the wound has gone deep. But they are trying to cover it up.
Mohammed came later still; he came just fourteen hundred years ago. By that time humanity was almost divided; it was very difficult to find converts. Of course when he was alive he turned many people on, but the moment he was gone it was impossible for his followers to find converts. And, as far as argument was concerned, Mohammedans could not argue with the Buddhists. Buddhism had reached as far as central Asia. By that time there were temples of Buddha all over Asia, particularly in central Asia. And to argue with Buddhist logicians is the most difficult thing. The Buddhist logicians and philosophers have touched the highest possibility of intellectual grasp. It is impossible to argue with the Jaina philosophers. Even Pythagoras remembers them. He met them in Egypt. He calls them gymnosophists, and he describes them as naked people who argued with such intelligence that it was impossible to refute them. It is very difficult to refute Buddhists and Jainas; it is very difficult to prove that Mohammed was a greater miracle man than Jesus.
So Mohammedans were in a difficulty, and the only way was the sword. Intellect was not going to work, so they started cutting off people's heads. If you cannot cut their arguments, cut their heads -- because might is right! They went on a rampage. They killed thousands, murdered, butchered, and converted people forcibly: "For YOUR sake, of course, for your own good, because if you are not a Mohammedan you are not going to achieve paradise, you will fall into hell." They were trying hard to save people, but in fact they were trying to convince themselves that Mohammed was as good as Buddha or Jesus or Mahavira or Krishna.
My people are not interested in converting anybody, because they don't have any doubt.
They are not here with me to be convinced, they are here with me because they are already convinced as far as their hearts are concerned. And if they are not convinced, they are free to leave; there is no need to be here at all.
I am not interested in the masses and the crowds; I am interested only in the
chosen few, I am interested only in the spiritually aristocratic, the very few intelligent people. So if your heart is dancing with me, good. If it is not dancing with me, then this is not the right place for you -- you are free to leave.
And my people will never try to convince anybody -- at least not while I am alive! When I am gone, nothing can be done about it; then there is no guarantee. While I am alive they will not try to convince anybody.
But, Harrinder Singh, without any of my people convincing you, you have come here; that is far more important. Something of their joy has caught you, some glimpse in their eyes has touched you. Something special in their vibe has brought you here. This would not have been possible if they had argued. Argument is very gross and the work of real energy is very subtle.
I receive thousands of letters from all over the world: "There is certainly something strange in your orange people. They don't argue, they are not like Jehovah's Witnesses.
They are not like Hare Krishna people, always carrying the BHAGAVADGITA and trying to force things into your head whether you are willing or not. They don't interfere in anybody's life."
But their non-interference is far more effective. That shows that they have found something, that shows that they have discovered something. Their very being is vibrant with their discovery. They are joyous, they are happy, they are cheerful. They are living their life as creatively as possible.
Now all kinds of creativity are happening here. There are dance groups, there are music groups, there is a theater group, there is an art group, and soon there will be many more --
sculptors, architects, scientists, poets, novelists. Everybody is going to be here, and they will all share their joy through creativity. If their creativity can convince you, then that is a totally different matter. If their very life can become a light to you, that is a totally different thing. But they are not going to force anybody. I am not in favour of coercing people.
You say to me: "People of almost all the religions try to convince other people to follow their respective religions." They are religious and this is only a religiousness -- at least right now it is only a religiousness. It is only a quality,
vague, fluid, flowing, dynamic; it has not become stagnant yet. It can become stagnant only when I am gone. While I am alive I will go on stirring -- I will never allow you to settle anywhere. I will go on and on calling you to new adventures, challenging you to new explorations.
Harrinder Singh, you also say: "But I have met many of your followers and they always discourage me from adopting the way you are preaching." They are not my followers, just my friends. To be a follower is ugly. I am not a leader, so how can you be a follower? For you to be a follower, first I have to be a leader, and that very word is ugly.
I am nobody's leader; I am just living my life, doing my thing. And the people who enjoy being with me, they are welcome. It is a friendship. We are fellow travelers. Maybe there is a little difference: I am awake, they are asleep -- so what? I was asleep, now I am awake. They are asleep, tomorrow they will be awake. Their very sleep proves only one thing, that they have the capacity to be awake.
And I don't disturb anybody's sleep prematurely! When I see the person is going to wake up anyhow, then I just give him a little nudge. I don't nag people, I don't go on nagging them, "Wake up! Wake up!" because if you nag a sleepy person to wake up too much, he may start dreaming that he has awakened. That is a difficulty...because the mind can create all kinds of dreams. It can even create the dream that one is awakened, that one is enlightened. And even here it happens to a few people.
Now Siddhartha is here from Germany; it is happening to him. In his dream he has become enlightened -- or approximately. And, be aware, when a German becomes enlightened, then he becomes perfectly enlightened!
Just a few days ago I was talking about Proper Sagar, the perfect Englishman. Somebody has asked me, "Do you know why he is perfect?" I know, but I cannot tell you because he will feel very offended, very offended. He is such a perfect Englishman that if I tell you the truth he will be very offended. If you promise me not to tell anybody, then I can share it: he is really a German pretending to be an Englishman. No Englishman can defeat him!
There are hundreds of Englishmen here -- has anybody the guts to defeat Proper Sagar?
Impossible! When a German tries to be anybody he is always perfect. To be German means to be perfect -- they are synonymous.
So it is happening in Germany: Siddhartha is dreaming that he has become enlightened.
And I go on playing jokes: I have given him one of my chairs and one of my robes! So with my robe on he sits in the chair -- and being a German he is very methodical: on one side sits a woman who is Mukta; on the other side are two women, one who is Vivek, the other Laxmi. And in front of Laxmi is a man who is Shiva. Germans do things perfectly!
Another German, Gunakar, is here. Siddhartha is very simple, a nice guy, but Gunakar is an advocate, a great legal expert, so he is going about it more methodically, more legally.
Now he has closed himself in a room...just the way I live in a room he lives in a room; he does not come out, he does not write He has a secretary -- a woman,
of course. He does not allow anybody to touch his body.
The reason people are prevented from touching my feet has nothing to do with enlightenment -- it is just that my toes are in difficulty. To touch my toes hurts them badly, so people have to be prevented. Gunakar must have seen that nobody is allowed to touch my feet anymore, so he is preventing people from touching him "because his energy gets disturbed"! And both of them are here!
So if you try to wake up people in their sleep, the great danger is that they may wake up, but not really, only in sleep; they may dream that they are awake and in their dreams they may start playing all kinds of games of enlightenment, spirituality, religiousness. One has to be very aware not to disturb anybody before the right time.
So I persuade you, I seduce you towards awakening. But I am not in a hurry -- it cannot be done in a hurry. I have to wait, and when I see that you are just coming out of your sleep, only then a little shaking helps and you are fully awake. Even if you are not shaken up at the last moment, you may awaken. It may be a little later; it is just a question of time. The master has to be watchful not to be in a hurry, because sometimes it happens that you see people in misery and you would like to help them immediately, but to help them immediately may harm them more if they are not ready to wake up.
So my people are not my followers, they are just my friends, my lovers -- they have fallen in love with me. And as you know, love is blind; it is not a logical thing, so how can they convince you? They have not connected themselves with me through logic; it has been an illogical jump. They can only share their joy with you, and if that brings you here it is good.
And certainly my sannyasins will tell you not to follow me, because that's exactly what my teaching is: not to follow me. Each individual is unique; nobody has to become an imitator. And they will discourage you from adopting the way I am preaching -- they will discourage you so that you can find yourself. Otherwise, people are very willing to believe. Belief is so cheap; it costs nothing to believe.
My people will discourage you from believing, from following, from adopting the way I am teaching. If you become interested you have to come here and explore yourself. It is an exploration. It is an adventure into the unknown. It is going beyond the familiar, beyond that which can be comprehended, beyond that which the mind can cope with. It is a journey into the beyond. It is very delicate, far more delicate than the petals of a rose.
You can destroy it very easily; any coercive effort and it is destroyed. So they bring you here without any coercion, without any logic. They only invite you, and that too not directly -- very indirectly. And they will discourage you from following me, because it is not a question of following me; the real question is of following your own light.
All that I can do is to help you find the way that reaches to your own innermost light. I can show you the way. And when you have found your light you will have to live your own life. It will not be as a Christian, it will not be as a Hindu, it will not be Mohammedan; it will simply be your life, nobody else's.
The second question:
Question 2 BELOVED OSHO,
I HAVE HEARD YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GUY MURPHY AND
SOME OF HIS GOLDEN RULES. PLEASE TELL US SOME!
Premraja, I don't know much about this guy Murphy, but I don't know much about anything else either!
I am not a man of knowledge; I function from a state of not knowing, and I have found that that is the most beautiful space to function from.
I have heard a few of the golden rules of this guy Murphy, so I will tell you a few.
George Bernard Shaw has written a beautiful book, MAXIMS FOR A REVOLUTIONARY. The first maxim is a beautiful one: The first golden rule is that there are no golden rules. But Murphy has improved upon it, and George Bernard Shaw would have appreciated it very much.
Murphy's first golden rule is: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. Second: Never think of the future -- it comes soon enough.
Third: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
Fourth: Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, middle age looks worried.
Fifth: Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
Sixth: The best thing about the golden old days is that they cannot come back.
Seventh: Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
Eighth: The solution to a problem changes the problems. Ninth: Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of. Tenth: Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
Eleventh: Celibacy is not hereditary.
Twelfth: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
And thirteenth: If you think education is experience, try ignorance. The last question:
Question 3 BELOVED OSHO,
YESTERDAY IN LECTURE YOU SAID THAT LAUGHTER WAS NATURAL. I HAVE ALSO HEARD YOU SAY THAT WHAT IS NATURAL IS EASY AND
RIGHT.
WHY DO I FIND IT SO DIFFICULT TO LAUGH -- EVEN AT YOUR JOKES?
Anand Kevala, laughter is natural, but you are not natural; hence the meeting cannot happen. You will have to be natural too. And, yes, I say what is natural is easy and right, but because you are not natural you are neither easy nor right. Your whole upbringing makes you artificial, arbitrary; it destroys your nature. It imposes something else that others want -- it imposes the opinions of others upon you. There are vested interests that would like you to be a certain way. They don't want you to be natural -- they are afraid of nature.
Somewhere deep down in man there is fear of nature. That fear of nature has created many problems. It has created an ugly civilization, a rotten culture, an anti-nature technology, a science against ecology, a religion which is not in tune with your innermost being. It is time for man to revolt against all this that has happened to humanity in the past!
But why is man afraid of nature? There are reasons. The first is: nature is bigger than your ego, and if nature is allowed, the ego cannot be in control. Then nature will control you. Then you will not feel that you are in control, and you would like to be in control.
So rather than being natural, you repress your nature and you claim only a small spot of your being. Only one tenth of your being can be controlled by the ego. Then you feel the master, you are the master. With nature you are not the master; with nature you are nowhere, you don't exist at all. And the ego creates
everything -- the ego creates morality, and morality is against nature.
For example, what can you do if you fall in love with a woman who is not your wife?
That falling in love is natural, but you have to look to other things -- your marriage, your prestige, your respectability, your society, your religion, your future, your salary, your job, your business -- and not only in this world but in the other world too. You will have to answer to God why you fell in love. It is better to prevent nature, to close nature completely, so you remain confined in the rules and regulations of your society, culture, religion.
You are taught ambitiousness, and nature is nonambitious. Nature has no instinct in it to be the president of a country or to be the prime minister of a country. Nature would like to dance, sing, love, eat, sleep, to go swimming, take a sunbath.… But nature will not bother to become the president of a country -- nature is not that stupid. Who wants to become President Reagan? A third-rate film actor has become the president of America.
Now all the third-rate people will be feeling great, will be feeling that now they can also make it. All kinds of stupid fools, mediocre people, become so prominent that if you want to be prominent you have to be mediocre.
Nature is very intelligent. It is not mediocre, it is not stupid; it is tremendously clear, clean, transparent. You have to destroy its transparence, and then naturally you become sad. Then you cannot laugh. Laughter becomes impossible...because laughter is a natural phenomenon. You can be sad, you can be miserable; that is not natural, that is cultivated.
Kevala, you cannot laugh because you are not natural. Relax and drop all that is unnatural in you -- all pretensions, pseudo coverings, masks. Be just ordinary. To be ordinary is the greatest thing in the world. Let me say it in this way: to be ordinary is the most extraordinary thing in the world. And why is it extraordinary? -- because the desire to be extraordinary is very ordinary. Hence, to be ordinary is really extraordinary. Only very few people have been able to manage it up to now.
Just be ordinary and laughter will come to you, unless it has gone very deep in you --
unless, Kevala, you have been brought up by Catholics, Jainas, or in some other kind of unnatural way of life; unless you are an ex-nun! Then it will be difficult, but not impossible. I have destroyed many nuns here! Now even if you try to find them you will be surprised -- you will not be able to find any monks and nuns.
If you want to know a really destroyed nun, meet Chintana. She has been a great nun.
When she came it was impossible for her to laugh, and now I think she is the most laughing woman around here! Whenever she comes to see me I always tell her to go into gibberish. She is the most perfect at gibberish. She makes such beautiful sounds, meaningless; she starts speaking all kinds of languages which nobody understands. But she goes into it really passionately, deeply. One would never have thought that a nun could do this!
How do nuns and monks make love? Out of habit.
Kevala, are you a nun? Then drop the habit! Or perhaps you are in more dangerous waters -- you may be a Polack! To be a nun is only a question of a few years of conditioning, but to be a Polack needs many incarnations!
Have you heard the story of the Polack lesbian? She loved men.
The Polack patient lying on the operating table whispers to the surgical-masked doctor,
"You can take your mask off now, doctor, I have recognized you!"
In a school in Poland the teacher asks, "Has any of you ever saved somebody's life?"
A little boy raises his arm, "Yes, my little nephew's." "How did it happen? Tell us!" asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"
The unmarried Polack cleaning woman had a baby. When asked by a social worker about the father of the child, she replied curtly, "Dunno! You think I turn around every time I clean the stairs?"
The phone is ringing in the doctor's office. He picks it up and hears the desperate voice of a Polack woman: "Hello, Doc! Did I leave my underpants in your room after the medical examination?"
"No," replies the doctor, "they are not here."
Half an hour later she calls again. "Hello, Doc, it's me again. Don't worry anymore, I found them -- they were at the dentist's!"
Come out of your unnaturalness! Come out of your Polackness! Kevala, laughter is one of the most important things in life. The person who misses laughter is going to miss God too.
I can tell you categorically that when you reach God he is not going to ask you what sins you have committed and what virtues you have accumulated. He will ask, "Have you brought some new jokes?" He always asks that! He must be getting tired -- since eternity he has been sitting there doing nothing. Of course the grass grows by itself, but what can you do with the grass? One gets tired seeing the grass growing by itself!
Kevala, collect a few beautiful jokes before you leave this body. Listen to my suggestion
-- I am really serious about it! Enough for today.
Come, Come, Yet Again Come Chapter #14
Chapter title: The Forgotten But Not the Lost 9 November 1980 am in Buddha Hall
Archive code:
8011090
ShortTitle:
COME14
Audio:
Yes Video:
Yes Length:
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Q2 and Q4 on video Question 1 BELOVED OSHO,
WHY DOES EVERYBODY THINK ENLIGHTENMENT IS A JOKE?
Sarito, it is! But only a child can ask such a beautiful question -- Sarito is only twelve years of age. Enlightenment is a joke because it is not something that you have to achieve, yet you have to make all possible efforts to achieve it. It is already the case: you are born enlightened.
The word "enlightenment" is beautiful. We come from the source, the ultimate source of light. We are small rays of that sun, and howsoever far away we may have gone, our nature remains the same. Nobody can go against his real nature: you can forget about it, but you cannot lose it. Hence attaining it is not the right
expression; it is not attained, it is only remembered. That's why Buddha called his method SAMMASATI.
Sammasati means right remembrance of that which is already there. Nanak, Kabir, Raidas, they have all called it SURATI. Surati means remembering the forgotten, but not the lost. Whether you remember or not, it is there -- it is there exactly the same. You can keep your eyes closed to it -- it is there. You can open your eyes -- it is there. You can keep it behind your back -- it is there. You can take a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn and see it -- it is there. It is the same.
George Gurdjieff used to call his method self-remembering. Nothing has to be achieved, nothing at all, but only to be discovered. And the discovery is needed because we go on gathering dust on our mirrors. The mirror is there covered by the dust. Remove the dust, and the mirror starts reflecting the stars, the beyond. Krishnamurti calls it awareness, alertness, attentiveness. These are different expressions for the same phenomenon. They are to remind you that you are not to go anywhere, not to be somebody else. You just have to find out who you are, and the finding is not difficult because it is your nature --
just a little reshuffling inside, a little cleaning.
It is said that when Bodhidharma attained enlightenment, he laughed for seven days continuously. His friends, his disciples, thought he had gone mad. They asked him,
"Have you gone mad?"
He said, "I WAS mad, now I have become sane. I have gone sane!" "Then why are you laughing?" they asked.
He said, "I am laughing because I have been searching for thousands of lives for something which was already within me! The seeker was the sought, and I was looking everywhere else -- I was looking everywhere except inside."
The famous Sufi woman, Rabiya al-Adabiya, one evening when the sun was setting, was found searching for something just in front of her door on the road. A few people gathered and they said, "Rabiya, what have you lost? We can help you."
She was an old woman and loved by the people, loved because she was beautifully crazy.
Rabiya said, "I have lost my needle. I was sewing and I lost my needle. I am searching for it, and there is not much time because the sun is setting. If you want to help me, help quickly, because once the sun has set and darkness has descended, it will be impossible to find the needle."
So they all started a hectic search for the needle. One of them suddenly thought, "The needle is such a small thing and the road is so big, and the sun is going down every moment, the light is disappearing -- unless we know the exact spot where it has fallen it will be impossible to find it." So he asked Rabiya, "Will you please tell us where the needle has fallen exactly? Then it will be possible to find it. Otherwise soon there will be darkness, and the road is very big and the needle is very small."
Rabiya started laughing. She said, "Please don't ask that, because I feel embarrassed by the question!"
They all stopped searching. They said, "What is the matter? Why should you feel embarrassed?"
She said, "I feel embarrassed because I lost the needle INSIDE the house, but because there is no light there, how can I find it? Outside on the road there is just a little light from the setting sun."
They all said, "Now you have gone completely crazy! We had always suspected that you were not sane, but this is an absolute proof!"
Rabiya said, "You think me insane, yet you have been doing the same for lives together --
and YOU are sane? Where have you lost yourself, and where are you trying to find it?
Where have you lost your bliss, and where are you trying to find it? It is lost in your inner world, and you are searching on the outside!"
Everywhere people are running with great speed. Time is short, the sun is setting; any moment the darkness can descend. Run as fast as you can! Man has
been inventing faster and faster ways to reach, but if you ask him, "Where do you want to reach?" he feels embarrassed; he is not really clear where he wants to reach. One thing he is clear about is that he wants to reach there quickly, because life is short and much has to be found. The soul, God, bliss, truth, freedom...so many things have to be found, and his hands are absolutely empty.
Sarito, in that sense enlightenment is certainly a joke. If you understand it, there is no need to seek and search; you can just close your eyes and find it. But this question coming from a small child is beautiful. The grown-up person will not be able to ask such a sane question. The grown-up person will ask, "What is enlightenment? How has it to be found? What are the right methods, ways and means? How should one live? What virtues should be cultivated? What prayers should be said?" And all those questions look very relevant.
Sarito, your question does not look very relevant, but it IS relevant, more relevant than any grown-up person can ever ask. Grown-up people ask questions which look good in the asking, but they are not really interested in asking an authentic question -- they are AFRAID of asking the authentic question.
In an old Scottish mansion the resident ghost is floating through the living room.
Everybody seems to be scared to death except a little boy who is watching the spectacle with a curious look on his face.
"Hey, Mister Ghost," he says, "have you lost your handkerchief?" "No," replied the ghost, "that's not a handkerchief, that's my son!"
But only a small boy could have asked, "Hey, Mister Ghost.…" All the grown- ups were very much scared; they must have been trembling, avoiding, pretending that they had not seen anything.
One little boy asked the other, "Did that play you saw last night have a happy ending?"
The other one said, "I'll say. Everybody was happy when it was over."
The Christian priest was telling the little boy, "Herb, I want you to remember that we are here to help others."
Herb said, "Sure, but what are the others here for?"
"I never slept with a man until I married your father!" she declared emphatically to her unconventional teenage daughter. "Will you be able to say the same thing to your daughter?"
"Yes, Mother," replied the girl, "but not with such a straight face!"
Mummy and Daddy are talking about the Millers who live next door. "Well, the stork is going to pay them a visit for the fourth time soon," says Daddy.
Their little son laments, "They get one baby after another. And you -- what are you doing? Hanging around doing nothing!"
Children are very perceptive! You cannot deceive them.
They were discussing the attraction older men have for young girls. "My grandfather was like that. Young girls were crazy about him." "Was he crazy about them too?"
"He certainly was. He used to cut a notch on his cane after every conquest. And that's what killed him."
"How?"
"Well, one day he made the mistake of leaning on his cane!"
Sarito, you must have heard this comment amongst the small sannyasins in the ashram:
"Why does everybody think enlightenment is a joke?" This must be coming from the small boys and girls; they must be thinking, "Enlightenment must be a joke. What is the need for enlightenment?" You need a teddy bear -- you can understand that. You need a tricycle -- that you can understand. You need a toy gun -- that you can understand.
Just a few days ago a new visitor was seen carrying a big gun. The guards became a little bit concerned; he was continuously carrying it and even trying to
hide it, but it was too big to hide. Then one woman sannyasin saw him also carrying the gun in the marketplace. The visitor was asked, "Why do you carry this gun?"
He said, "I feel so embarrassed, but what to do? I have brought my little son with me and he loves the gun! Without the gun he goes nowhere, and the gun is so big he cannot carry it himself, so I have to carry it; otherwise he won't go anywhere, and I cannot leave him alone! His mother has not come; I was not aware that I would have to do this thing.
Everywhere people are asking me, `Why are you carrying this gun?' And this is only a toy gun! I feel embarrassed, I try to hide it, but the more I try to hide it the more people become curious -- `Why?'"
Children have their own interests and they must be wondering, "Why? What is this enlightenment? And why are so many people interested in it? It must be some kind of joke!"
In fact, it is a cosmic joke. It is God seeking himself. It is a game of hide-and- seek: God hides himself and then tries to find himself! Being alone, what else to do?
When I used to travel in India -- for twenty years continuously -- many times it happened that I would be in a train compartment with only one passenger. And because I was not interested in talking to the passenger, he would start playing patience -- a game of cards you can play alone, you need not have any partner. They would feel a little embarrassed, but I would not pay any attention to them so they would start playing cards.
One day one man said, "You must think that I am crazy playing cards alone." I said, "I don't think you are crazy. This is my business too!"
He said, "What do you mean? You also play patience?" I said, "No, but enlightenment is like patience!"
Enlightenment is a dialogue with yourself, it is a monologue. You have to ask the question and you have to give the answer. When you see the futility, you become silent.
That's how Buddha became silent! Then one sits under the tree "doing nothing, and the spring comes and the grass grows by itself." And what to do? -- when the grass grows you have to cut it and AGAIN sit silently, and AGAIN the grass grows so you cut it again. Again and again...!
Just the other day I was talking about Gunakar. This is the third time he has become enlightened, and he will become enlightened many more times. Now he is feeling very sad -- after each enlightenment he feels very sad. He is doing something impossible; nobody has done it before. After enlightenment people never feel sad again, but after each enlightenment he feels very sad. In fact, one enlightenment has always proved enough, more than enough! Three times he become enlightened; then he becomes unenlightened again -- and then the great sadness.
But he cannot control himself. The urge to become enlightened is so irrestible that within three or four months he will again forget and will become enlightened. To be enlightened may be a joke, but to become unenlightened is not a joke, it is a really serious affair!
So when he came for blessing the other night he could not even look at me. I tried in every way, but he went on looking down, up, here, there, but he wouldn't look at me. I forced his third eye very much, but what can you do? -- Germans don't have any third eye! You can go on pushing and pushing, and nothing happens!
The second question:
Question 2 BELOVED OSHO,
WHAT PART OF MOSES' TEACHING IN THE SINAI DESERT COULD BRING
DOWN THE AGES SUCH A CHAIN OF SUFFERING TO THE ISRAELI NATION?
IS THERE ANY FATE FOR A NATION?
AND FROM YOUR KNOWLEDGE, DID THE JEWS HAVE ANY CHAIN
FOR
TRANSFERRING THE TORAH FROM ONE MASTER TO THE OTHER?
Adam Shapira, these two religions, Judaism and Hinduism, are the most ancient religions in the world. Just because they are the most ancient, they are the most rotten too! And out of this rottenness, what else can you expect? The mind of man clings to the old. And religion is not like wine, that the older it is the better; the fresher it is, the better. Religion is not wine, it is just a hot cup of tea, an old, ancient cup of tea But thousands of flies, and pundits and rabbis will be found
in it; there will not be much tea in it at all! And it was bound to happen.
The Hindus and the Jews both became dominated by the pundits, the scholars, theologians, rabbis. They lost track of the enlightened masters. Even though sometimes enlightened people happened in spite of the rotten tradition, they were not accepted, they were rejected.
Hinduism rejected Buddha, and Buddha was the peak of the whole Hindu consciousness -
- the greatest peak, the Everest. But Hindus rejected him for the simple reason that if he had been accepted that would have meant the death of the whole establishment -- the exploitation and oppression by the priests -- and they had great vested interests in it.
The same has been true of Judaism. Jesus was the peak, but the Jews rejected Jesus. In that very rejection, they rejected their own flowering. They remained a tree without flowers, in fact even without foliage -- just a dead tree with no leaves, with no greenery, with no flowers, with no birds singing, no shade for travelers to sit underneath.
Whenever enlightened masters are rejected by any tradition, that is an indication that the tradition is absolutely dead; it cannot absorb any new, fresh insight. The living tradition is that which is capable of absorbing new insights. And they are always coming -- God is not finished yet with creation. The idea that God finished within six days and then rested on the seventh is sheer nonsense. God is not finished yet -- he will never be finished. God is not a person but creativity, not a creator but creativity. It goes on and on; God is still working. And there is no holiday for God, because the work itself is holy, the work itself is joy. When the work is not a joy, then you need a holiday; when it is tiring, when you are not
in love with it, then you need a holiday. When you love it, it is a holiday, it is relaxation, it is rest. God is still at work, but the priest cannot accept it.
The Hindu priest says that God gave his message in the Vedas and that was the end of it.
He gave all that was needed by man; nothing more is needed at all. And the Jews think that the Old Testament is the end of the story. It is only the beginning, not the end. And beginnings cannot be very great, remember, they are bound to be childish.
Remember the difference between childlike and childish: to be childlike is to be a sage, to be childish is not to be a sage. To be childish means to be immature; it needs much improvement, growth, maturity.
Judaism and Hinduism both have remained immature. They had the opportunity to become mature. Buddha could have transformed the whole Hindu world, he could have given it splendor, but he was rejected; the priests would not allow him entry. The Jews would have been the most significant people on the earth if Jesus had been absorbed. But strange are the ways of man, very strange: the Jews have been waiting and waiting for centuries for this same man, Jesus, to come. They were waiting for the Messiah to come, and when he came they rejected him -- they rejected him absolutely.
The priesthood is like a cancer to every religion. The priesthood destroys every religious possibility, the very potential; it poisons the very source. Adam Shapira, that is the first thing to be understood. The priests are businesslike, they are businessmen. They are selling some invisible commodity to the world, and because the commodity is invisible, it is very easy to sell. Because it is invisible you cannot catch them at what they are doing.
I have heard that a New York shop advertised that invisible hairpins had arrived, and there was a great queue of women. Invisible hairpins -- who can miss? And they were selling like hotcakes.
A woman went in, she looked in the box -- they were invisible hairpins, so what was there to see? -- an empty box! She said, "But are they really there?"
And the salesman said, "Lady, they are INVISIBLE hairpins! In fact, the truth is for three weeks we have been out of stock, but still they are selling! What
difference can it make?
When the pins are invisible, whether they are in stock or out of stock makes no difference!"
Whether God exists or not, whether there is a heaven or not, whether there is a hell or not does not matter -- these are invisible commodities, and priests have been selling these invisible commodities.
People like Jesus or Buddha are very pragmatic, very realistic. They don't sell invisible commodities; they start making a great effort to make God visible on the earth. They themselves are a visible expression of God. Now, the priests cannot tolerate this. What will happen to their invisible commodities? And it is such a vast establishment.
The Jews have been dominated by the rabbis, not by masters. The rabbi is the exact equivalent of a pundit. He knows the scriptures, but he is cunning, clever. He theorizes, he exploits your misery, he consoles you, he gives you comforts...but he is in business.
And because the enlightened masters have not been accepted by the Jews, the whole community has become a community of businessmen; it has lost all other qualities.
I have heard the old story.…
God wanted to sell the commandments. He asked a great Vedic seer, Yagnavalka, "Would you like to have the commandments?"
Yagnavalka looked at the commandments and he said, "No, because if you prohibit us from killing, our whole religion will be destroyed, because in our YAGNAS, in our worship, in our religious rituals, killing is a must."
You will be surprised to know that today Hindus talk so much about nonviolence, but they are the most ancient of violent people on the earth. Not only that, but they gave violence a religious color. Even cows were slaughtered in their religious rituals, and not only cows, but even men were slaughtered. And still, once in a while, it happens that small children are slaughtered in a religious ceremony, in a religious ritual. And this country calls itself nonviolent!
Yagnavalka said, "No, we don't want the commandments. `Thou shalt not kill' -- then what will happen to our religion?"
God asked the French people. They said, "No, without adultery our whole joy will be lost! How can we exist without adultery? Adultery is the whole game of life that makes it enchanting, meaningful, that gives it some ecstasy, some excitement. No, it is not possible" -- and so on and so forth.
God went to all the races, and then finally, as a last resort he asked Moses, "Would you like to have the commandments?"
Moses asked, "How much?" And God said, "Free of charge."
Then Moses said, "I will have ten!" He never looked to see what those commandments were -- if they are free, then why not have ten?
That's how the Ten Commandments came into the hands of the Jews! The Jews became a society basically of businessmen. That created great hatred against the Jews. They became cunning, clever, and people became jealous of them.
You ask me: "What part of Moses' teaching in the Sinai desert could bring down the ages such a chain of suffering to the Israeli nation?"
Moses' basic revolution was not religious, it was political. He was fighting against the slavery imposed by the Egyptians on the Israelis. Hence the color of his revolution was less religious and more political. That's why in Judaism you will not find enlightened masters like Buddha, Lao Tzu or Krishna, but you will find prophets.
The word "prophet" is absolutely irrelevant in the Eastern context. You cannot call Buddha a prophet; he has nothing to do with prophecy. You cannot call Mahavira a prophet, you cannot call Lao Tzu a prophet -- the word will not fit -- but all the Jewish religious leaders are prophets. The prophet is a special thing that has happened to Judaism. The prophet is something in between the religious master and the political leader -- a crossbreed. He is religious AND political.
Moses' inspiration was basically political. Nothing is wrong with it -- he was fighting for freedom, he was fighting against slavery. It is good, but the fight was
on the outside; the religious fight is inner. That beginning made Jews very outward, very extrovert. That extroversion made them businesslike. They lost track of the inner world. Yes, once in a while a few people escaped from this pattern -- Jesus escaped, but he was crucified. Then other masters learned that if you want to escape it is better to escape silently. Then silent societies existed, silent mystery schools existed in the deserts, in the caves. And Hassidism in particular is the fragrance of the whole Judaic religion. If the whole Judaic religion is destroyed and we can save Hassidism, then all is saved. It is exactly the same: if we can save Sufism and the whole of Mohammedanism disappears from the world, nothing is lost. If we can save Zen then the whole of Buddhism can be forgotten, because that is the very essence of it.
But the Hassids learned that it was better to live inside the conventional mode; it was unnecessary to get crucified. After Jesus they learned one thing: don't proclaim; Jews won't accept it. The extrovert people become desertlike inside, and that creates hatred against them.
A beggar asked a rich Jew for something to eat.
The Jew says, "You look very Jewish and I am in a good mood today, so if you can guess rightly which of my eyes is a glass eye I will give you something."
The beggar looks into the Jew's face and after a short glance says, "Your left one is the glass eye."
"That's right! But, tell me, how did you find out?" asks the Jew. "It looks human."
Jacob gets off the plane and arrives at customs with three bags and one parrot. The customs officer, opening the first bag, sees that it is full of coffee. "Who's all this coffee for?" he inquires.
"It's for the parrot to eat!" replies Jacob.
The customs officer then opens the second bag which is full of tape recorders, radios and watches. "And who is THIS for?" he demands.
"For the parrot to eat!" responds calm Jacob.
Opening the third bag, the officer stares unbelievingly at a suitcase full of gold and precious jewels. "And these jewels?" he shouts. "Are these for the parrot to eat too?"
"Yes," replies our traveler. "Everything is for the parrot to eat!"
"And if the parrot doesn't eat these things?" says the officer sarcastically."
"If the parrot doesn't eat them? If the parrot doesn't eat them?" repeats an unbelieving Jacob. "Well then, if the parrot doesn't eat, Jacob sells everything!"
Sergeant Kazawinsky of the Polish police force was attending the entrance examination for officer training.
"What are rabies, and how would you treat them?" he was asked.
The Polack was obviously puzzled and thought for a few moments. Then he brightened visibly. "Rabies are Jewish ministers, and I treats them with contempt!"
In a German prisoner-of-war camp the commandant announced over the loudspeakers: "I have some good news for you. Today is sports day. The English will play cricket on the cricket field, the Americans will play baseball on the baseball field, the Indians will play hockey on the hockey field, and the Jews will play hopscotch...in the mine field!"
Adolf, the greatest conqueror of all times, asks Satan for a forty-eight-hour holiday on earth. After some hesitation, his wish is granted. However, he is back in hell after only twenty-four hours.
His comment: "Everything is topsy-turvy on earth. The Jews are into wars and the Germans are into money making!"
But things are changing, Adam Shapira. The time for a great change has come. The Jews have suffered much, but the basic cause is within themselves. Their rejection of Jesus has been the major part of their suffering. Secondly, they became extroverts, interested only in money and power; they lost their interiority. And any man who loses his inner world becomes shallow, empty, hollow, meaningless.
You ask me: "Is there any fate for a nation?"
No, we create our fate; hence we can change it any moment we decide. We are born in absolute freedom; then it is our choice what to be.
You ask me: "And from your knowledge, did the Jews have any chain for transferring the Torah from one master to the other?"
It has been there, but only in the Hassidic tradition, not in the ordinary formal Jewish religion. The Hassids have been thought to be mad people, but they carry the real essence, and that essence has nothing to do with Jews or Hindus or Mohammedans or Christians or Jainas or Buddhists. It is the same -- it is a kind of religiousness. It has been carried from the master to the disciple. But that is not part of the main tradition; that has gone to the side -- small labyrinths, but not the main asphalt road. The main Jewish current has been very worldly; it has lost track of all religion. But a few people have dared to go into the jungles on their own, alone, and they are the most beautiful people the world has ever known.
My love is for Hassids, for Sufis, for Zen people, for Tantrikas, for Yogis, for Taoists.
These are NONformal people; they don't really belong to any tradition as such, to any church as such, to any race as such, but they are the real people of God.
The last question:
Question 3 BELOVED OSHO,
THERE ARE SANNYASINS LIVING ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO FEEL A DEEP CONNECTION WITH YOU. HOWEVER, ON CELEBRATION DAYS THERE
IS ALWAYS THAT LONGING TO BE IN YOUR SILENT PRESENCE IN BUDDHA HALL. CAN YOU PLEASE SEND A MESSAGE TO THE THOUSANDS OF
SANNYASINS WHO WILL BE CELEBRATING IN MANY COUNTRIES,
BUT NOT
IN YOUR PHYSICAL PRESENCE?
HOW ABOUT A FEW SPECIAL JOKES FOR US?
Prem Vanya, remember one thing: that each of my sannyasins carries something of me, each of my sannyasins becomes a part of me, spiritually, physically, in every possible way. My sannyasins are not believers, my sannyasins are in a love affair. It is a MAD
phenomenon! So wherever my sannyasins meet, my presence will be felt. Wherever my sannyasins celebrate, my message is realized, because celebration is my message.
Rejoice! Sing! Dance!
Dance so totally that your egos melt and disappear.
Dance so totally that the dancer is no longer there, but only the dance remains. Then you will find me wherever you are.
And it has now to be a known and recognized fact that my buddhafield is not going to be confined to the small place where I will be living with a few thousand sannyasins. All the small communes, ashrams, centers, all over the world will become little buddhafields. We have to fill the whole earth with buddhafields! We have to create a chain of buddhafields.
And it can be done: if you can take some of my joy and some of my love and some of my laughter with you wherever you go, you will be taking the fragrance of the buddhafield there. You will be taking seeds.
Scientists say that in the beginning only one seed must have reached the earth by some coincidence -- maybe a collision of stars, the explosion of a star. One seed, and the whole earth slowly slowly became green. One seed is enough to transform the whole earth into a garden.
The same is true on higher planes too. Just a single seed of love, awareness, joy, is enough to create the buddhafield. So wherever you go, wherever you are, never forget for a moment that you are not far away from me.
Between a master and the disciple the question is not of physical distance at all. You can be sitting here physically, but you may not be in tune with me; then you are not here. You may be thousands of miles away, maybe on the moon, on Mars, it does not make any difference. But if your heart is beating with me, if you are attuned to me, if there is an inner connection, then you are in my physical presence. Neither time makes any difference nor space. The thing that makes the difference is love.
Vanya, next time when you celebrate, celebrate with the full recognition that I am there amongst you. Just a recognition is needed and you will find me there.
Jesus is reported to have said, "Wherever four of my disciples are gathered together, I will be there." And he was not so fortunate as I am -- his disciples were very ordinary people. I am fortunate in many ways: my disciples are in many ways very creative, talented, very intelligent, exploding in love. So I can say to you that not even four are needed; just a single sannyasin is enough to make my presence felt by others.
So next time you are celebrating, Vanya, make it a point that I am there, and you will feel it. It only needs a recognition. If the recognition is not there, and even if I suddenly reach your celebration, you will not recognize me at all.
It happened with Jesus...the story is:
When he escaped from the cave in which his body was kept, when he resurrected after three days, obviously he tried to find out where his followers were. He found two followers who had lived with him for years, and he waited for them to recognize him. He walked with them for miles, because they were going to another town. They talked --
they talked about Jesus, they talked about the crucifixion, they talked about many things -
- but those two disciples could not recognize that the man they were talking to was Jesus himself. It was as if a cloud prevented them. The cloud was that they were thinking that he was dead, finished, so there was no question of even asking, thinking, reconsidering who this man was. They recognized him only when they sat in a small hotel to eat their lunch. When Jesus poured the wine and served the bread and the sweets to the disciples, then suddenly a recognition arose in them. This was the way Jesus always used to serve them -- the way he
poured the wine, the way he gave them the bread and the butter and the sweets. The gestures, the very gestures were so unique to Jesus that suddenly a cloud disappeared and they fell at his feet.
And Jesus said, "Why could you not recognize me? For two hours we walked together and talked about every kind of thing and gossiped, and yet you could not recognize me?"
They said, "There was no question of it, because a cloud was there in our eyes that you are dead. We did not even ask the question to ourselves."
Remember, we take note only of things if we are consciously ready to take note. If you are not consciously ready to take note, somebody may pass by your side and you may not see him at all.
Vanya, next time you are celebrating, make it a known fact to all the sannyasins that I am there. And those who are in tune with me, those who really love me, those who are surrendered, those who have known some trust, will immediately feel the presence. The presence can even be felt more there than here, because here you take it for granted that I am present; you need not make any effort. But there you will have to make a conscious effort to feel it. That very effort will make my presence more penetrating.
And these are a few jokes for you to laugh at:
Salesgirl to shopper: "Yes, madam, these bras come in four sizes: small, medium, large and wow!"
The light in the whorehouse was out so Mimi came into the room and did not even look at the body of the man whom she was in bed with. After rolling around on the bed for a while, she stopped, looked at the guy and said, "What is this, man, don't you have one?"
"Oh yes, I do!" answered the guy. "What I am missing is my left leg!"
Two Italian woodcutters were working in the forest. Suddenly one of them missed the tree with his axe and cut off his companion's right leg in one blow.
In between screams and yells the other woodcutter angrily shouts, "If you do that again, I'm-a gonna kick-a the shit-a out of you!"
A Frenchman who recently arrived in New York was invited to a golden wedding anniversary. He didn't understand the celebration and asked his American friend about it.
"Do you see those two old people?" asked his friend. "Well, they have been living together for fifty years and now they are celebrating their golden wedding."
"Ah, ah!" exclaimed the Frenchman. "He live with the lady fifty years, and now he marry her. How noble!"
It was morning, and she was still in her robe. Pausing in the half-open entrance door of her home, she called to the milkman who had just then pulled up to the curb.
"Pardon me, but do you have the time?" she asked. "Yes," he said, "but not the inclination."
The Polish Police Department send their officers for an examination before giving them promotion. Kazowinsky came back from the examination with his extra stripe and was warmly congratulated by his commanding officer.
"Good work! Tell us all about it!" said the inspector.
"Well," replied Kazowinsky, "we were all close until the final question of the mathematics paper. They asked us to add two and two -- I said five!" he announced proudly.
"But Kazowinsky, two and two are four, not five!" said the inspector. "I know that now," he grinned, "but I was the closest!"
A Polack answered a nationwide quiz program that gave away money even to the dumbest people.
"Okay, Mr Kozakowsky, for one thousand dollars, tell us, which famous French general was defeated at the battle of Waterloo?"
The Polack looked puzzled.
"We'll give you a clue," smiled the questioner, and opened the door of a large refrigerator. Inside was a bottle of Napoleon brandy. Kozakowsky still looked bewildered and scratched his head.
"Just read the name you see and you win one thousand dollars. Now, what was the name of the general?"
The Polack stared for a moment, then smiled.
"Of course," he said, "it must have been General Electric!"
An Italian frog was traveling to America. On his way he passed a beautiful swamp where he met a big fat American frog. He said, "How-a are you doing- a?"
"Great!" replied the frog. "In swamp, out swamp, lots of food. Far out!"
The Italian leaped on and met another big American frog. "How-a are you doing- a?" he asked.
"Groovy, man, just great!" came the reply. "In swamp, out swamp, lots of food -- great!"
The Italian began to feel very happy about his new land. He leaped on and met a tiny, skinny little girl frog.
"What's-a wrong-a here?" he asked. "I have-a met-a two big-a fat-a frogs who said, Ìn-a swamp-a, out-a swamp-a, lots-a of food-a!' But what-a has happened to you?"
The tiny frog whispered in answer, "I am Swamp!" And the last:
"That parapsychology course at the Osho Meditation University is fabulous!" says Swami Francesco. "My ESP talents are developing so fast!"
"That's hard to believe," states his friend, Swami Giovanni, "you'd better prove it."
"For instance, my telepathy," says Francesco. "You just point at any door, and I shall give you remarkable particulars about the person who answers."
"Okay, THAT door," points his friend. "Tell me what will happen."
"Well," meditates Francesco. "I feel that a man whose girlfriend is having her period will open the door "
"Hello, friends," greets Swami Mariano, entering the room through the same door.
"Does your girlfriend have her period?" asks Giovanni.
"Shit!" answers Mariano, wiping his mouth and chin. "Can you see it?" Enough for today.
Come, Come, Yet Again Come Chapter #15
Chapter title: No Question Means the Answer 10 November 1980 am in Buddha Hall Archive
code: 8011100
ShortTitle: COME15
Audio: Yes Video: No
Length:
0
mins
The first question:
Question 1 BELOVED OSHO,
I FEEL TOO LAZY TO THINK OF A QUESTION. WHAT TO DO?
Anand Chinmaya, it cannot be true that you really feel too lazy; otherwise who has written this question?
A man was lying down on the couch of a very famous psychoanalyst, and he was continuously talking about his failures in life, failures of all kinds in all directions. He was trying to prove that he was an utter failure, the ultimate in failure, that there was nobody in the world who was more of a failure than he was.
The psychoanalyst listened to him silently as long as he could tolerate, and then he said,
"Stop all this nonsense! You cannot be such a failure!" The man said, "Why?"
The psychoanalyst said, "If you were a failure you would not be able to afford my fee! If you can afford my fee for years -- and I am the most expensive psychoanalyst in the world -- how can you be a failure?"
You can ask such a beautiful question and you think you are lazy? And still you are asking what to do. If you are really lazy you should ask what NOT to do. Lazy you can be, but at least be consistently lazy. Either you are a philosopher or a Polack! In fact, both are synonymous! If you like big names, beautiful words, then think of yourself as a philosopher.
In the past, particularly in the Middle Ages, many mystics used the word "foolosopher"
for philosopher -- and they were right. If you want to be down to earth, then the fact is that you are simply a Polack. Philosophers are expected to ask such things.…
Centuries after Hamlet had told us what the question is -- "To be or not to be?" --
Gertrude Stein's deathbed utterance became a familiar quotation. Remember it, Chinmaya, when you are dying! Just before dying she opened her eyes and said, "What is the answer?"
The people who were around her were a little bit puzzled: "How can one suddenly ask,
`What is the answer?' when even the question has not been mentioned?"
Somebody gathered courage and responded to Stein's remark, "But we don't know the question!"
She smiled her beautiful smile and said, "Okay, then what is the question?"
Neither the question is known nor the answer is known, and you need not do anything. If there is no question at all, it is simply far out! Why create trouble for yourself? Why hanker after trouble? If there is no question, you have attained the answer! No question means the answer.
You are not here to ask questions. I am not here to answer your questions. You are here to be ready to destroy all your questions; I am here to go on hammering on your questions so that they are shattered. I will not give you any answer, I will only destroy your questions. And a moment comes when there is no question, no answer, and that is the state of samadhi, that is the state of ultimate consciousness. When words disappear, thoughts disappear, knowledge disappears, ignorance disappears. When only pure consciousness is left just like a mirror reflecting that which is, just like THIS moment...a silent pause You
can hear the traffic noise...it always happens! That's why the mystics say existence is such a harmony! You can hear the birds, you can even hear the silence this throbbing of the hearts. This is the state which we are searching for
-- not for questions, not for answers.
The philosopher was at his favorite occupation -- lying in the sun. The flies buzzed around and settled thickly on his face, but he was too lazy to shoo them away. Finally a hornet lit among the flies and stung his nose. This was different. He slowly wiped his hand across his face.
"As long as some of you won't behave," he muttered, "all of you will have to get off!"
Questions don't know how to behave. They are all like hornets lit amongst the flies. Your answers are like flies and your questions are like hornets lit amongst the flies. They all have to be wiped off.
The mind has to be utterly emptied. The empty mind is the buddha mind.
But if you don't want to be a philosopher, if you are not interested in wiping off all the problems, all the questions, then you can be a Polack. That is the same in a more gross way. The philosopher is subtle, the Polack is gross, but they belong to the same ladder.
The Polack may be the lowest rung and the philosopher the highest rung, but the ladder is the same.
Frankowski showed up at the practice field to try out for the high school football team.
"What position do you want to play?" asked the coach. "Quarterback!" answered Frankowski.
The coach handed him a football and said, "Do you think you can pass this ball?"
"Hell," said the Polack, "if I can swallow it, I can pass it too!"
A journalist visiting a local penitentiary in the heart of Poland is being shown around by warden Poltowsky. As they enter the maximum security block, the reporter is surprised to hear a shout from one of the cells, "Twenty-two!" followed by raucous laughter from all the other cells.
Another voice then shouts, "Forty-three!" which is again followed by loud outbursts of laughter.
"What is going on, warden?" asked the bewildered journalist.
"It is quite simple really," replies the warden. "These fellas have been in this block so long that they know each other's jokes. So now when someone wants to tell a joke he simply shouts out the number. Everyone remembers the joke and laughs."
"Quite a good idea really," remarks the reporter, as the number thirty-seven is called out and followed by peals of laughter.
Then there is a loud, "Seventeen!" and then silence. Puzzled by the lack of response, the reporter asks the warden what went wrong.
"Ah, that was Jakowsky in cell eight," sighs the warden, "he told it wrong again!"
An American, a German and a Polack were going on safari. They split up in the morning and met again in the evening. Sitting around the camp fire they started telling of their adventures.
The German says, "I shot two tigers, an elephant and some apes."
The American, says, "Ah, I shot much more: six crows, four tigers and about three elephants."
They both look at the Polack, who's saying nothing at all. "What about you, Polanski?"
they ask.
"I shot sixty-seven no-no's," he says.
Although the American and the German had quite a bit of experience in the jungle, they had never heard of such an animal. "What is a no-no?" they ask.
"Well," Polanski replies, "they are about six feet high, black, curly hair, big lips, and when you point your rifle at them they shout, `No! No!'"
Anand Chinmaya, you need not be a philosopher, you need not be a Polack; just be a sannyasin! And to be a sannyasin means not to be bothered about questions and answers.
The whole process of sannyas is getting rid of the mind. Mind consists of questions and answers. The moment you get rid of the mind, then only consciousness is left in its purity, with not even a ripple. The lake is so silent, so unperturbed, so still, it starts reflecting the stars, the clouds, the moon, the trees, the flowers, the birds on the wing.
There is a Zen saying that the birds have no desire to be reflected in the lake, the lake has no desire to reflect the birds -- but it still happens. The birds are reflected, the lake reflects, although the desire exists neither on the part of the birds nor on the part of the lake. In this desirelessness everything happens, nothing is done.
A sannyasin has to relax to that total state of let-go when everything happens and nothing is done. Much happens, miracles happen, but don't ask me what to do. Ask me only one thing: "How to get out of the old rut of the mind?" And it consists of question and answers; it is a question-and-answer game.
Slip out of the mind like a snake slips out of the old skin. The mind is always old. It belongs to the past; it is not in the present, it has no future. Mind means the past, the dead. Mind is like a rearview mirror in the car. If you go on continuously looking in the rearview mirror, you are bound for a great disaster. The car has to go ahead, and you will be looking in the rearview mirror at the road that you have already passed, at the dust on the road that you have raised. That is not the way you are going, and you are not looking where you are going. Disaster is absolutely certain.
And this is happening in everybody's life. You go on reading the VEDAS -- that is looking in the rearview mirror. Five thousand years have passed, and still you go on looking at the VEDAS, you go on reading THE BIBLE, you go on reciting the KORAN, you go on discussing Kanad, Kapil, Aristotle, Plato, Confucius, Ma Tzu...but all this is sheer wastage of time.
Look at the present.
This very moment God is within you and without you.
And if you can live this God in total serenity, in total attunement, at-onement, you would know the ecstasy that I am talking about, the bliss, the benediction.
The second question:
Question 2 BELOVED OSHO,
GOD KNOWS I WOULD NEVER WISH TO CONTRADICT MY MASTER, BUT
THE OTHER DAY YOU WENT TOO FAR! YOU SAID THAT ALL THE
ENLIGHTENED ONES HAVE BEEN ITALIANS IN ONE LIFE OR OTHER. NO
DOUBT ABOUT YOU, OR JESUS OR BUDDHA, LAO TZU OR EVEN NANAK, AND RAMANA...BUT KRISHNAMURTI?
MY GOD! HOW CAN YOU HONESTLY ASSERT THAT SOMEONE SO SANE
AND SOBER AS KRISHNAMURTI HAS EVER BEEN AN ITALIAN? WE HOPE
YOU APOLOGIZE.
Svatantra Sarjano, in fact, I myself, Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tzu, Nanak and Ramana may not have been Italians at all; hence still the attraction. I love the Italians -- that is proof enough I have never been an Italian before! But Krishnamurti? -- it is absolutely certain that he has been an Italian, and not only in one life but many lives; otherwise, how can he be so sane and sober? The Italians have done so much damage to him, he has not been able to recover yet -- he is still under the impact. He is so much afraid of laughing in case somebody may discover that he has been an Italian! His seriousness is just the other extreme.
I can understand, Sarjano, your question, because Krishnamurti is deadly serious about things; that is one of his flaws. A really totally enlightened person cannot be so serious.
Seriousness is a disease of the mind. When the mind is no longer there, seriousness has no ground to stand upon. But Indians have respected seriousness very much; it is a long tradition. And Krishnamurti has been brought up by very serious people, the Theosophists.
That whole bunch of Theosophists was very determined to show the world that they are the only spiritual people. Their whole investment was in proving to the world that they had come to redeem the world of all its problems, illnesses, diseases. They were bound to be serious. When you are a savior you cannot joke around; you have to destroy your sense of humor absolutely. You have to be continuously concerned about the misery and the suffering that people are passing through. And when people are passing through so much suffering, how can you laugh? how can you enjoy? how can you even smile? That will be cruel.
The Theosophists had this idea -- a very ancient idea that has clouded many people's beings -- that they wanted to redeem the whole world. In fact, it is nobody's business to redeem the whole world -- and who has the right to redeem anybody else? If the other person is enjoying his dream, you have no right to wake him up. At least his permission is needed, at least you have to ask him. Unless he wishes, you have to keep off. It is interference -- maybe for his own good, but who are you to decide? If somebody chooses hell, then it is his freedom to choose it. You can feel compassion for him, you would have liked him not to choose hell, but what can you do? Who are you?
But these saviors of humanity are bound to be serious people; they are bent upon it.
Whether you want it or not, they will force you into paradise! They will not leave you alone. And the Theosophists were preparing for a great event: to declare a world teacher.
They had chosen Krishnamurti to be the messiah. Of course they conditioned him in every possible way: they regimented him, disciplined him for so long that the traces of it have not left him yet; the wounds are still there. For twenty-five years continuously he was in this wrong company.
Sarjano, look into the training of J. Krishnamurti, and it will help you to understand why he is so serious. He was never allowed to mix with ordinary children -- to play with them, to laugh, to giggle, to climb the trees, to swim the
rivers, to fight, to be beaten. He was never allowed to do anything that every child has a right to do. His childhood was completely crushed. He was only nine years of age when he was taken away from his parents. His mother had died, and his father was a poor clerk, so poor, and he was not economically in a situation to educate his children. He had two children, two boys, Nityananda and Krishnamurti.
Seeing that the Theosophists were interested in the children he was thrilled -- a great opportunity was opening up. They would not only teach him in ordinary schools, they were promising that they would educate him at Oxford, and in some very special schools meant only for royalty. They would take him around the world, they would arrange for private tutors, the best possible. What more could the poor father have desired and dreamt of? He willingly gave the children to the Theosophists.
And then a long struggle began between Krishnamurti's father and the Theosophists, because when the father became aware of what they were doing to his children, he was aghast. He could not believe it, that they were being forced like slaves.… They had to get up at three o'clock in the morning and read the scriptures -- Tibetan, Chinese, Japanese, Sanskrit. And they were almost asleep, repeating them in their sleep. Even in sleep they were not allowed to have a normal sleep; they would be sleeping, and the man who was in charge, Leadbeater, would go on repeating sutras and scriptures softly in their ears.
That was the first experiment in teaching children through hypnosis. Now it is a recognized scientific method, and particularly in Russia where hypno-teaching is becoming very common. Children can be taught with no need even for somebody to sit by their bed. Earphones can be put on, and the tape recorder can go on repeating silently, very whisperlike, so their sleep is not disturbed but still the message can go on penetrating to their unconscious. Even in their sleep they were not allowed the freedom to dream. Even their dreams were controlled.
You will be surprised to know that dreams can be controlled -- your dreams can be managed by others. For example, when you are falling asleep, a certain program can be given to you for the whole night so that these will be your dreams. And those dreams can be manipulated from the outside also. For example, when you are falling asleep, there comes a moment, an interval, when you are not awake and you are not yet asleep either --
just in between, that boundary line. That boundary line is the most sensitive part of your existence because you are changing the gears from one gear to another gear. Before you change gears you have to pass through the neutral gear, and when you are in a neutral gear anything can be put into your head. That's the whole secret of hypnosis: the neutral gear. That is the time when you are absolutely vulnerable; you cannot defend, you cannot argue.
So Leadbeater, Annie Besant and others would be sitting around when Krishnamurti was falling asleep, waiting for the moment, for indications. And there are very simple methods to know whether the child is in the interval or not. For example, the child can be told, "Go on looking at the roof continuously without blinking your eyes." A moment comes when the eyes become glassy; they are seeing and yet not seeing. That is the time when the neutral gear has come into existence. Wakefulness has gone, sleep has yet to come. It is the evening time; the day is no more, the night is entering. It is the most vulnerable, the most sensitive time. Say anything and it will go directly to the heart of the child. It will condition the child the deepest.
So they were conditioning the child, even managing his dreams, telling him, "You will be dreaming of a great desert. For miles and miles there is nobody -- sand and sand and sand, and you go on and on.…" And you can help the dream from the outside too. You have put the seed inside; then just a little heat near the feet and the child will start dreaming of the desert, because the heat near the feet will give him the feeling of walking on hot sand. A little heat near the head and he will feel he is under the hot sun, and you have triggered.… You have done both the things: you have put the idea in the unconscious, and you have triggered the process from the body. The child is bound to dream about the desert, and of course he will follow the program that you have given.
This way Krishnamurti was conditioned while awake, while asleep. He was moved from one country to another country. He was never allowed to become friendly with anybody; he had no friends. How can he know what laughter is? He was never allowed to fall in love with a woman, with a girl -- how can he know what laughter is?
And the people he was with were really a strange group of people. This Leadbeater was a homosexual; he was not interested in women and hence he was very much against women. And he was found in very suspicious postures with Krishnamurti -- a small child.
When the father became aware of what was going on, he went to the courts. The case went on for years in the high court of Madras. The father proved in every way that Leadbeater was a homosexual. He produced witnesses who had seen him doing wrong things with his children. But then Leadbeater escaped from India, and before the court could decide that the children should be returned to the father, Annie Besant escaped with the children out of India, and the father could never get the children back.
Nityananda, the elder brother, died because of all the work that was being imposed upon them. When he was suffering from delirium, they thought that he was being influenced by great spiritual masters -- Kuthumi, et cetera -- that he was being transformed by the spiritual hierarchy. And that is all bullshit! There is no spiritual hierarchy, nothing.
Even Gunakar has started writing about spiritual hierarchy. He has issued letters and messages to all the U.N. members, and they must think that I am behind it, because my name, my picture is on his letterhead. And Gunakar goes on suggesting to them that there is a spiritual hierarchy working in the world. First he used to call me "Master," now he calls me "Elder Brother." Sooner or later I am waiting for him to write, "Dear Younger Brother." He is rising higher in the hierarchy! Now I am just an elder brother. It will not be a surprise if one day he writes, "My dear son."
Leadbeater was the most cunning of the people who were trying to manipulate these small children in the name of some hierarchy. He was writing books in the name of Krishnamurti. He has written a book THE PAST LIVES OF ALKAYONI. Alkayoni is the fictitious name for the many many lives of Krishnamurti. Because in each life there was a different name, Alkayoni is the fictitious name for all these lives, thousands of lives. Leadbeater wrote these books and they were all signed by Krishnamurti. And now Krishnamurti says, "I don't remember at all when I wrote these books, when I even signed. I know nothing about them." They were all written by Leadbeater.
In fact, a child of ten or twelve years cannot have written those books; he cannot have any such stupid ideas -- no child can be so stupid. And all this spiritual jargon.… And then, finally, Leadbeater and his colleagues started writing a very famous book which became a world-famous spiritual treatise: AT THE FEET OF THE MASTER. That too was published in the name of Krishnamurti, and Krishnamurti simply says he knows nothing about it.
These twenty-five years of all kinds of unnecessary torture, no ordinary life available.…
He was not allowed to walk in the gardens where other people were. He was not allowed to meet and mix with people, because he was "the world teacher" -- how could he mix with ordinary human beings? Naturally he has lost all sense of humor. It is sad -- and all because of that idea of the world teacher. He renounced the idea finally, and that is the only good thing that he has ever done in his life. He renounced the idea that "I am a world teacher," but that renunciation was only superficial; it never came through his innermost core. Deep down he continues to be the world teacher still. That's why he becomes very angry if you don't listen to him; he even starts hitting his own head. Even talking to people, if they don't understand him and the way he talks -- it is so monotonous, it is so boring, that unless somebody is doing some research on boredom, nobody can be interested, people cannot understand -- then he starts beating his head, shouting, becomes enraged. But the whole idea deep down is to redeem the world.
If you don't understand me it doesn't matter, it is your freedom. It is my freedom to talk; it is your freedom to understand or not to understand or to misunderstand. How can I decide for you? I cannot be enraged. Even if you all fall asleep I cannot be enraged. I will have a good laugh! Even the idea of giving so many people a good morning sleep is such a consolation that one is doing some service to people!
You say, Sarjano: "...but Krishnamurti? My God! How can you honestly assert that someone so sane and sober as Krishnamurti has ever been an Italian?"
For me to assert anything honestly or dishonestly makes no difference. Whatsoever is right at the moment, honest or dishonest, right or wrong, true or untrue.… I believe in Gautam Buddha's definition of truth: that which works. If honesty works, perfectly okay.
I am a nonserious person; these are also serious things. Honest? -- why should I be honest? Things should be taken playfully. What is wrong in being dishonest once in a while, just for a change?
And you say, "...so sane and sober " If a man is one hundred percent sane, then
he is insane. Something of insanity is a basic ingredient of real sanity.
Zorba the Greek says to his boss, "Boss, everything is right in you, only one
thing is missing -- a little touch of madness."
A man without a little madness is flat -- flat like a flat tire! A little bit of madness brings some spice to your life -- some color, some intensity, some passion, some dance, some celebration.
Krishnamurti, even if he enters paradise, will remain sane and serious. I don't think he will be welcome there. He will start talking about the same things he has been talking about on the earth for sixty years, and he will beat his head because even the angels are not going to listen to him! Angels don't listen to spiritual discourses. Their whole work is playing their harps, sitting on the clouds and shouting "Alleluia!" They will fit with me perfectly, but can you imagine angels playing "Alleluia!" on their harps and dancing around Krishnamurti? He will commit suicide: All this "Alleluia!" and the whole world has to be redeemed! Everybody is suffering, and these fools But I can enjoy! I
may even start learning how to play on the harp. I have tried a little bit, just in order to be ready at least, so I am not an absolute outsider there!
But if he is so sane and sober, it must be the spaghetti that has gone to his head! Too much spaghetti in the head makes people very sane and sober.
And you say to me, "We hope you apologize."
I have never done that, and I am never going to do it -- that is not my way. I never repent, I never apologize -- for what? I am doing my thing. If somebody feels angry he can do whatsoever he wants to do. He can shout at me, he can condemn me; there is no problem for me at all. In fact, I enjoy all this. Whenever people become interested -- this is a kind of interest, if somebody is offended -- I rejoice. A connection has been made -- not a very good connection, but a connection is a connection anyway! If it is bad today, tomorrow it can be good.
Mrs. Carbotti went to the doctor complaining of fatigue. After the examination, the doctor decided she needed a rest.
"Can you stop having relations with your husband for about three weeks?" he asked.
"Sure," she replied, "I got two boyfriends who can take care of me for that long!" That's why I like the Italians -- they are so human, so truly human!
Giovanni said to his daughter, "I no like-a that Irish boy taking you out-a. He is-a rough and common, and besides-a, he is-a a big-a dumbell!"
"No, papa," replied the girl, "Tim is the most clever fella I know." "Why-a you say-a that?"
"We have only been dating nine weeks and already he has cured me of that little illness I used to get every month!"
A vet goes to Giuseppe's farm to artificially inseminate his cows. While there, he gets an urgent call to another farm. He decides to give Giuseppe the syringe and explain how to do it, then rushes off.
A little while later the local parish priest doing his rounds knocks on the farmer's door.
Pierino opens the door and the priest asks where his father is.
"He is-a down at-a the cow-shed," replies the little boy, "but it is-a better not-a to go there. It is-a the third-a time that he tries to inseminate the cow and he is-a swearing like hell-a!"
"What, what...what are you saying?" says the priest. "Ah, my God! And does your mother know what he is doing?"
"Of course-a," replies Pierino. "She is-a the one-a who keeps-a the cow's fanny open and shouts, `Come on-a, Giuseppe, this is-a time you will-a make it!'"
Now these beautiful Italians...who cares about enlightenment?
A teacher was getting acquainted with her fourth-grade pupils by letting them get up and talk about the best thing they did during the summer holidays.
"And you, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Well, I played with my train set," reported Johnny. "What about you, Gloria?"
"Ah, we took a wonderful trip to the mountains for the whole summer," said
Gloria.
"And you, Liza?" asked the teacher of Little Black Liza. "I like to fuck!" reported Liza.
"Ah, Liza, what a terrible thing to say! I want you to go home and not return until you have a note from your mother, informing me that she is aware of what you have said!"
demanded the teacher.
Two days passed before Liza finally returns to class.
"Do you have that note I asked you to bring, Liza?" asked the teacher.
"No, teacher, I ain't got no note. I told Momma what I said, then I told Momma what you said, and Momma said that if somebody don't like to fuck they must be a cocksucker, and she don't want to correspond with your kind!"
The third question:
Question 3 BELOVED OSHO,
PLEASE TELL US A FEW MORE MURPHY SUTRAS AND A FEW MURPHY
ANECDOTES TOO.
Gandharva, the Murphy sutras are really beautiful!
The first sutra: If wives were good, God would have one.
Second: Some people are born silly, some people acquire silliness, and some fall in love.
Third: After man came woman, and she has been after him ever since.
Fourth: Be thrifty when you are young, and when you are old you will be able to
afford the things that only the young can enjoy.
Fifth: Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone.
Sixth: Heredity is something people believe in if they have bright children. Seventh: When in Rome, do as the Romans do -- eat spaghetti.
Eighth: Some men have no solution for any difficulty, but will find a difficulty for any solution.
If you don't believe in this eighth sutra you can ask Asheesh. He is the perfect personification of this sutra! He has no solution for any difficulty, but you give him any solution and he will find the difficulty!
Ninth: There is no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.
Tenth: Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else. Eleventh: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damn foolproof. Twelfth: The height of futility is to tell a hair-raising story to a bald man.
Thirteenth: What is dumber than a dumb Italian? A dumb Indian.
Fourteenth: Adam was the happiest man on earth. Eve's mother never told her that nice girls did not do it that way.
Fifteenth: You can't get there from here, and besides there is no place else to go. And a few anecdotes about Murphy.…
The first: "I am getting more and more absent minded," said Murphy to a few of his cronies. "Sometimes in the middle of a sentence I "
"That fellow Bobo is so rude: this morning he was snoring in church!" "Yes, I know," said Murphy. "He woke me up!"
Murphy had recently become the father of triplets, and the priest stopped him on the street to congratulate him.
"Well, Murphy," he said, "so the stork smiled on you." "Smiled on me!" exclaimed Murphy. "He laughed out loud!"
One friend met Murphy at the station. "Where are you going?" the friend asked. "To Paris, for my honeymoon," said Murphy.
"Without your wife?"
"Listen, when you go to Munich, do you take beer with you?"
One Sunday morning the preacher was ill and could not come to the church to perform his duties, so Murphy was doing his work. He was urging his congregation to sing.
"Now is the opportunity for all of you gifted with wonderful voices to show your gratitude towards the Lord. And for all of you without good voices, this is the time to get even with him!"
Murphy came home an hour earlier than usual and found his wife stark naked in bed.
When he asked why, she explained, "I am protesting because I don't have anything to wear."
Murphy pulled open the closet door. "That's ridiculous," he said, "Look in here. There is a yellow dress, a red dress, a print dress, a pant suit...Hi Chris!...a green dress "
And the last: The son was sitting at the bedside of the elderly gentleman, Murphy, who was dying. "Where do you want to be buried," the kid asked, "in Forest Lawn or Hillside Memorial Park?"
The old man creaked up on his elbow and answered, "Surprise me!" Enough for today.
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